Help! I don't wanna be a nice guy anymore, how can I change my life and be more charismatic?

[IloveWinters]

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Combine kindness with dominance. That's the gentleman way. Take care note of "MAN" in gentleman. It is not a gentle boy, not a gentle servant, not a gentle ass kisser. It's a gentleMAN.

Most nice guys in my experience (even ones who might genuinely be motivated by kindness) mess up the dominance or "man" part. They combine kindness with submission -- possibly even timidness -- rather than dominance. Many are often hyper-agreeable, compliment excessively, and the end result looks like a servant eager to please rather than a benevolent king.

There's a big difference in attitude and the way a man carries himself between the type who borderline follows a woman on a date and says, "Please wear my jacket. It's cold!" vs. the one who leads while she follows and benevolently wraps his jacket around her. The former looks like the woman's personal servant and the latter looks like her leader and protector. If you act too much like a servant, you tend to get treated as one, with your kindness taken for granted rather than appreciated.

So if you don't want to turn into a jerk and still value kindness, courtesy, civility, and tact, then I think the only thing you need to work on is dominance. Start to work on developing some leadership qualities. Become more assertive, develop leadership initiative, be kind but don't be so eager to please everyone, stand tall, and become the type of man that people can look up to (speaking figuratively; this has nothing to do with height) rather than look down upon.

[KrakenAttackin]

Fuck being nice, embrace your inner Villain.

[_Maya_]

Why not be nice and charismatic? Why drop the nice part of it. I like guys that are nice. You can still have charisma and be nice. The whole bad boy thing that some people claim all of us girls are into is simply not true. When I think of someone that is charasmatic I think of someone that is good in social situations. Someone that will draw people to them because they are charming and outgoing. I guess that is something that some people just have. If you want to try to work on that be more social and try to be the person everyone gravitates to. Not the easiest thing to learn but you can just get out there and have that commanding presence by practicing your social skills.

[IloveWinters]

Yes social skills is imp and it gets tough to jump corporate ladder without social skills

[_Maya_]

Yeah I feel you on that.

[_Maya_]

Thank you for most helpful opinion!

[IloveWinters]

Your welcome

[laly520]

change on ur true self n u will suffer more from pretending to be someone u aren't

simple.

[IloveWinters]

Well I have been denied promotion this year but I really worked hard in 2023, compared to my peers and yet I have been rejected.

[KrakenAttackin]

@laly520. Wrong. We are all multifaceted and we have biases in our behavior and personalities. Shifting from white knight to black knight merely takes repeated abuse, disrespect, and realization that you have been lied to.

I slept decades being a part of the "solution", now I am embracing being a part of the "problem".

[laly520]

if its becoming a great obstacle then I would recommend seeing a life couch

[laly520]

@KrakenAttackin he isn't u
we both dont know how the sudden total change will effect him
n in most cases it has a very negative impact on person psychology

[Demonatrix]

Be more assertive in how you handle situations. Find groups that work on the things you want to change.

[Nikki1989]

You don't want to be nice?

So you want to be lonely and generally hated?

[appleadayisgood]

i thought nice guys finshed last

[mandyfire98]

You can be borh nice and charismatic

[BarryLiverstone]

Learn to say no