What does this phrase mean?

[Anonymous]

A man who can’t be with me, because of his autism severity, posted a message that he thinks he was made to love me. What does that mean? Is he trying to express the depth of which he cares, or be romantic, or is it something else?

[DoggyDude]

Generally speaking, Autism is often misunderstood. Autistic people struggle to work in a normal way in society because of their obsessive focus. That focus is often such that they completely miss others feelings etc. That doesn't mean they don't have feelings and often those feelings are extreem and uncontrollable.

Those are just some facts about autism; What is love for an Autistic person may not be what an average person might expect, but it may also be very intense for that person (because of the obsessive focus then tend to lend to things).

All that said, I'm concerned about the starting statement you made "A man who can't be with me because of his autism"; Why can't he be with you? Why is he messaging you if he can't be with you? this sounds very dangerous for both of you.

To qualify "danger", I mean this; If you get your heart broken, chances are you'll recover, maybe it will take time but likely hood is you will be okay. An autistic person could get very messed up, esecially if they generate an obsessive focus on you; That might sound good out the gate, because a love which is focused and obsessed sounds romantic, and it COULD be romantic assuming your find your returning it always and forever. The problem is, their way of expressing themselves is often completely non-comprehensible to a person whos not anywhere on the spectrum; It's possible they can be obsessively in love with you, without giving you any of the emtional attention you need to feel it, leading you to hurting them all the time and you won't even understand why (depending on how sever the autism is).

So, its a massive risk. Though, there are many grades and levels of Autism and mild autism doesn't get in the way mostly, though it might make a relationship a bit more complex or rocky potentially.

In the end, you need to decide two things; If you truly love them, and if how they are and where they are on the spectrum allows their true sets of ability to express themselves (IRL) will fullfil you enough to sustain that love even when it gets complex.

I wouldn't recommend it, but at the end of the day, there IS someone for everyone. Just do your best

Good luck.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's an interesting thing for him to say! It definitely sounds like he's trying to convey how strong his feelings are for you. A few interpretations of what that phrase could mean:

- He may feel that on a soul level, you two are deeply connected and meant to be together, even if circumstances make it difficult practically. Like soulmates!

- It could be his way of saying he doesn't think he'll ever feel this way about another person. You're "the one" in his heart and mind.

- He may see you as the perfect partner for who he is - like you complete him and accept him fully as he is.

- Autism can make intimacy challenging, so saying he was "made to love you" could be his way of saying you help bring out his caring, affectionate side.

Overall it comes across as very sweet and heartfelt to me! I think he's trying to express that on an emotional level, you fulfill him unconditionally. Of course it's up to you if you want to take it further with him romantically. But take the sentiment as a compliment - he clearly adores you!

[Asker]

I can’t take it any further with him, when I tried years ago, he said his Autism sensory issues are too severe to cope with sex or kissing. He implied that he doesn’t want contact, but wants to pass on a message, by sending me an online game, each time I invited him to talk to me.

[Asker]

Sensory issues can make you feel like you’re being sexually abused/assaulted when people touch you a certain way and cause meltdowns (emotional outbursts/tantrums); from severe emotional distress.

[Asker]

Then also, each time I’ve tried to talk to him, just to be friendly women keep appearing, ‘partners.’ He admitted that the last one was made up.

[Asker]

So is it likely that it’s true that he’s too disabled to date, or more likely to be an excuse?

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that's a really tricky situation then. On one hand, I can understand how severe sensory issues could genuinely make physical intimacy very difficult for him to handle. Autism can really affect how people process touch and emotion.

But at the same time, the way he keeps kind of disappearing then reappearing when other "partners" are out of the picture is a red flag. Making someone up is definitely suspicious behavior.

It's hard to say for sure what's really going on in his head. It could be that he really cares about you but his autism makes a relationship impossible. Or it's possible he's using it as an excuse to keep you interested without committing.

The best way to get some clarity might be asking him straight up, when there's no one else involved. Like tell him you care about understanding his experience, but some of his actions have been confusing and you need honesty to know where you both stand.

If he can't or won't give you a truthful, straightforward answer then... that might be a sign there's more going on underneath than just autism. But he also deserves a chance to explain himself without judgment. It is a tricky situation, for sure!