Should I just go or ask him before I go?

[Anonymous]

Everytime I ask him if I can go visit him at his workplace, he says "stop asking me that, it's your choice".

He works alone and usually has nothing to do in the evenings. But I feel like I'm too needy if I just go uninvited..., but I want to see him

What should I do?

[Violet_78]

I get the issue I think.

him saying stop asking it’s your choice - doesn’t actually sound very inviting - it’s factual but lacks any sign that he would be happy to be visited in my opinion

so you probably feel like you want to ask again that you aren’t bothering him?

(there is no hint of him wanting to be visited from that sentence alone - at least not how I read it )

I’d go visit him (as he said that was up to you) but then maybe bring it up in a casual conversation- why you feel the need to keep asking so he knows - also how does he act when you visit? If he is genuinely happy and shows interest I wouldn’t worry about asking anyway

[magiusX26]

that lack of enotion to his statement could be from how many times she has askec already and possibly given some other, more of an open invitation, response (I don't know if that is the case or not here but i do know many, especially early in a relationship, do this kind of asking) .

[magiusX26]

oh and then there is the logic based (facts as a part of that) thinking of men versus women going more off of feelings. to us guys, his statement implies sonething more like "just come by if/when you want to, it will not be a bother or burden to me".

[Asker]

I was this little to send him a text saying "are you busy, can I come?", but then I realized that he could not see it and I will feel like I'm being ignored on purpose, so I decided to just go... but I will wait an hour... am I right?

[Violet_78]

@magiusX26

Yes that’s probably part of it
Logic vs feeling
But it’s hard to know without more background

I usually try and take things at face value unless I have reason to think otherwise - works with the guys I know

[Violet_78]

Just go and see him

If he is happy when you get there all is good

[WhitneySnow]

He seems annoyed by the question. I’m not sure if he wants you to visit or not. Does he often complain about you being too clingy?

[Drew-1990]

I think you should, I think there are two reasons he could say that. Some guys would be because they honestly don't care and the others are more like me, we want you too but we want it to be your choice and not ours. We say that because we don't want to sound needy. Again not all guys but definitely some.

[Anonymous]

Sigh.

What is it with women wanting their man to want what they want without having to say or do anything?

Do you want to come over?

Do you want me to come over?

If you want to.

But do you want me to?

If you want to.

See how tedious and juvenile that gets after a while?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Show up randomly instead.

[TommyMountainFigure]

There's no point in asking him, because what makes you think his response will be any different to all the other times you've asked? ..

He said if you want to visit him, it's your choice.. If that's not an open request to visit? Then I don't know what is!

[magiusX26]

stop thinking with your feelings so much in this type if communication because feeling needy is countering the postive of making him feel wanted/desired which is a very good thing as most guys rarely get that even from long time spouses. you have to put some logic and balance into it too.

[boggboss]

U feel lile its needy to go uninvited but don't feel it is to ask if u can go when he has told u to stop asking

[Nik1hil]

Don't need to ask, but when you are almost there like 10 minutes away. Give him a call, and drop a message, "Ready or not here I come."

[ProbablyClueless]

Just go, if you think he likes to see you at work. He's already told you that you can drop by unannounced. Continuing to ask him is just being annoying.

[Fireguy17]

Just show up and see what happens.
Show some initiative and just go there, bring pizza or something.

[LaurenM1997]

Don’t overthink it just go cause he asked you to stop asking him sounds like he wants your company

[OlderAndWiser]

You are seriously overthinking this! He has already invited you to visit him whenever you want.

[JacobJordan]

He told you what you to do why are you asking us

[Alex-Snow]

He said it is your choice so I would visit him. If he works alone would he be up for a little sex?

[Agent_Elflord]

Just go, maybe bring him a snack or dinner or something

[Twalli]

Show up on important days in your relationship. You could also maybe go there when he's getting out some days.

[Jay-_-]

He clearly said just go

[sheikalana]

Don't do it.