Would you allow your boyfriend to spank you?

[Anonymous]

I just started to date this guy. Let me tell you he is 4 years younger than me. He is way mature for his age and kind hearted, respectful and gentleman. I know he is old fashioned and he likes to spoil the girl he's in love with. That said I'm the girl. Never been in such a healthy relationship. We were friends for 6 months before starting to actually date. After a few dates he started to say things like: "oh let me pay for this dinner" ,"I am serious" , you'll be in trouble if you'll pay the bill". Didn't take him seriously and paid. He was looking and gazing at me playfully :you'll see what happens when we go back to your place". So we went back to my place and he kept his promise. I was laying on my belly when he actually started to spank my bottom. The first slaps were really gentle. More like love taps. I proceeded to complain like :" aww what was that for?" His answer was :"shut up, you like it, right?" This is me punishing you, bad girl" I had nothing to say so he took my silence as a "yes" and proceeded to spank me more and those hurt a little bit.
My question here is :"isn't it too early for him to reveal this kink? " Also please note that we didn't do anything sexually yet. We are taking it slowly. What's your opinion on this whole situation?

[MrOracle]

If you didn't want him to spank you, I'm sure you'd have said so, and not allowed him to do so. You haven't described him so as to suggest that he wouldn't have stopped if you told him to, or that he was any threat or danger to you.

So, really, the question is: did you enjoy it? If you did, then it's fine. Again, he didn't push you for sex, or do anything else that you would find inappropriate, right? So, if you don't have a problem with being spanked by him, then it's fine. I'm sure you know a lot of women LOVE it when their man spanks them - just as some women would hate it. Everyone is allowed to feel the way they feel about it - this isn't a "right or wrong" but rather a preference.

Clearly, he likes to spank, in a BDSM/kink kind of way. He's showing you who he is - opening himself up to you so that you understand who he is. The only thing that really matters now is: how do YOU feel about it?

[Asker]

A while ago I did mention to him that I like pain. I also asked him a few hours ago when he playfully did it again why he does it. He said it's because I deserve it and also because he kinda knows that I do like it. I think that this feels weird to me because before him I was in a loong toxic relationship and somehow I'm in shock that things happen exactly how I hoped for in the past. We communicate a lot about everything and we made a promise that we'll keep it that way. Buuut still I'm so afraid because this is so new for me. I'm not used to being treated right. I'm actually scared I will broke his heart eventually...

[MrOracle]

Ahh, we've gotten to the real issue. Yes, when you have been in toxic relationships, and stayed, that's usually due to previous programming that made you view that as normal and comfortable. Such people often struggle to be in healthy relationships and even sabotage them because they don't feel like they deserve a healthy relationship. You have identified that about yourself, which is a great sign of progress, but now you have to make sure you don't allow yourself to sabotage your relationship or push him away when you FEEL uncomfortable but can't logically say why (because he's not abusing or disrespecting you). Over time, those feelings of discomfort will deminish and you will be comfortable.

[RebelinSteel]

Well that’s just one walking red flag. I would cut your loses and make him single. You don’t do that stuff without finding out if the girl is okay with it and is happy for you to do it. Sounds a complete arse

[Asker]

Well I did mention to him once that I like pain. He was really curious to debate and find out what I am talking about but I changed the subject.

[RebelinSteel]

Consent is one of those things people need to learn

[laly520]

uh.. r u comfy with all of it? if yes then ig its ok? I mean its his kink n u allowed it so?

[patrick994]

If you like it, why not?

[Anonymous]

i wouldn't let him do that outside of sex

[Anonymous]

How old are u both

[Asker]

I am 30 he's 26

[Opinion Owner]

How do u both look

[Asker]

Why is this important?

[Opinion Owner]

It is ,

[Asker]

I am blonde, athletic, green eyes, average height. He is really tall, handsome, blue-eyed