What does it mean when a guy says “you think differently…”?

[Anonymous]

He said I misunderstand everything he says and he doesn’t want to argue/go back and forth

I don’t think he meant it 100 percent positive but idk…

Updates

+1 y

He said he’s not ready for relationship bc of “work “

Updates

+1 y

I told him in the beginning that I’m not looking for anything and that I just wanted to be a placeholder until he found what he wanted

He didn’t understand that and he said that he didn’t really want that..

I told him I was protecting my emotional well being at all costs and I wasn’t looking for sex or friends with benefits etc also nothing serious

Part 1

[Serkee]

Well, men and women do think differently about a lot of things, our brains just work differently from each other. Can you give an example of one of the supposed misunderstandings?

[Asker]

So on the phone he said that he wasn’t going to invest his time if we weren’t going to eventually be intimate… so I asked him if sex was all he wanted and that’s when he said that…

[Asker]

But I did say that I was waiting until marriage

[Serkee]

What did he say after you said that? Did he say you two think differently before or after you said you were waiting until marriage? It's totally fine to wait until marriage, but it's also totally fine to expect sex at some point in the future in a serious relationship. Just because he wants sex doesn't mean sex is all he wants, but if he doesn't eventually want marriage and you do, I don't see the point in either of you investing your time in the relationship. Does he want marriage eventually as well?

[Asker]

Well he was ig rejecting me… we went out and he ghosted after.. but there’s a long back story to all of this… he was fine during the texting stage but I was the one trying to self sabotage things in the beginning and I felt he was either talking to other people and pulling away

He kind of gave me an ultimatum… we meet up or we stop going in circles over text… we also talked on the phone and he said that he felt I was a bit unstable…

Fast forward…. When he finally reached out weeks later after sending text messages to him about how I felt he finally called… he apologized etc said he’s been busy with work.. he’s highly stressed and we can check in here and there.

[Serkee]

I think it's fair to want to progress a relationship past the texting stage once you've been there for a while. It can be very frustrating going in circles like that and feeling like your relationship is going nowhere. How long have you guys been texting each other?

[Asker]

It was almost 2 weeks

[Serkee]

Oh, that's not a long time at all. It sounds to me like he's being pushy then. Especially if he's expecting sex already, that's a red flag.

[Asker]

But on the date I don't know if he was attracted to me or not… we hugged and he was polite..

[Asker]

He said he was scared to sleep with me because he I’d be “crazier “…

[Serkee]

I'm getting mixed messages here, I thought you guys were only texting. I do still think he's being pushy for expecting sex already, but he does sound attracted to you to me.

[Serkee]

So wait, is he expecting and wanting sex, or is he scared of it and not wanting it? Are you wanting to wait for marriage or are you upset because he doesn't want it yet? I don't think I'm understanding the issues here, they seem to be all over the place.

[Asker]

We only texted for about a week and a half then we went out for coffee…

But if he’s pushy why is he scared to sleep with me

And check this out… I told him that my dad was a pastor etc and he said “does your dad know you post those pics “…. Like what did that even mean

[Asker]

I only said that I wanted to wait to see his reaction because he asked me when I was last intimate… also he doesn’t know I’m a virgin

[Serkee]

You told him you wanted to wait till marriage just to see his reaction? That's pretty manipulative, I can see why he's scared now. Messing with someone like that can be pretty confusing and hurtful. I definitely see now why he said you guys think differently and that you guys were misunderstanding each other.

I said he was being pushy because I thought you told him you didn't want to have sex yet. Going back and forth on that is only gonna confuse him.

I think you need to open up and be clear, open, and honest about what you want, you're really all over the place here. What do you want out of that relationship? Do you want sex or don't you? And do you want it to be serious and committed, or do you want it to stay casual? If I'm this confused, I can only imagine what he's feeling.

[Asker]

He said he’s not ready for relationship bc of “work “

[Asker]

He’s the one being manipulative and sending mixed messages

[Serkee]

Well, you know more than I do, but that's not the way it seems to me. But I could be misunderstanding, a lot of what you said seems conflicting to me.

[Asker]

I think you’re missing the timelines up but it’s a lot..

[Asker]

What did he mean by “does your dad know you post those pics” in which I do post suggestive pics… but why bring that up and why did he mention my dad…

[Serkee]

Probably, the timelines are pretty confusing to me. The reason I thought you were being manipulative was because I thought you were saying that you told him you wanted to wait till marriage just to see his reaction, then afterwards got upset because he didn't want to have sex with you. Is that what happened, or did I get that mixed up?

And I'm guessing he asked if your dad knew you posted that stuff because he's a pastor and you said you wanted to wait till marriage. He might have been trying to be playful, or he might have been concerned about you going against your beliefs. I imagine he was just confused.

[Asker]

What was the point of meeting up, saying he’s scared to sleep with me, mentioning my father and what I wear… all this for him to say 10 minutes into our date “you see I’m not ready for a relationship , I’m not where I want to be work wise”..

[Serkee]

I'm not sure. I'm guessing he's probably just as confused as you. From the looks of it you gave him just as many mixed messages. I don't think I understand the situation well enough to give you any real feedback, I'm kind of lost.

[Asker]

I told him in the beginning that I’m not looking for anything and that I just wanted to be a placeholder until he found what he wanted

He didn’t understand that and he said that he didn’t really want that..

I told him I was protecting my emotional well being at all costs and I wasn’t looking for sex or friends with benefits etc also nothing serious

Part 1

[NetherlandsNar]

You have different mindset from him