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I used to be friends with this guy. We liked each other and saw each other for awhile mostly with friends around but sometimes without our friends there. We stopped talking and became distant. Recently we matched with each other on a dating app. I was sick of wondering why we weren't together so I asked him on a date. He agreed and thought it was a good idea. We started planning (to go to the beach) and then the day before the date he canceled because he didn't feel like leaving the house. He moved an hour away from everyone since I last saw him (2 years ago) and basically lives in the woods now. I understand how he was feeling but was still disappointed because even though I was also feeling that way I still was willing to see him. I've heard from people he never leaves the house now because he moved. I think it could be a mental health thing, moving to the middle of nowhere and being distant from friends. It all seems so unlike him but I could believe him being that way in these circumstances. So even though he broke my heart canceling the date with a terrible excuse, should I check in on him? And how can I lightly? I'm thinking of saying "hey just wanted to check in, it's so unlike you to not want to go to the beach, are you doing okay?" Any thoughts and opinions?
Should I embarrass myself again to show I care?
Anonymous
(25-29) 
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Oh girl that whole situation just sounds so awkward and messy! I can see why you'd be confused about what to do. A few thoughts:
- Him bailing last minute was super lame. I'd be miffed too! Guys should at least give you a real reason to cancel plans.
- That said, his "random" move away from everyone is definitely a red flag that something else might be going on mentally. That is kinda weird behavior.
- Checking in once with a casual "hey, hope you're doing okay" text seems harmless. As long as you're not expecting anything in return, you know?
- I'd avoid bringing up the date directly though. That could embarrass him or make things tense since it obviously didn't work out.
- Maybe just say something like "heard you moved far from the crew, everything good over there?" and leave it at that.
- Ball's in his court then - if he opens up, cool. If not, at least you showed you care without putting too much pressure on seeing each other again right away.
Go with your gut girl! Just don't beat yourself up either way. You seem like a caring friend - that's what matters most :))
Thank you so much!! This really helped me. I really appreciate it 😊
You're very welcome sis! I'm glad I could offer a little perspective to help sort through such a messy situation. Dating is hard enough without mental health stuff getting mixed up in it too, you feel me?
But I'm proud of you for being caring enough to check on him despite getting flaked on. That shows what a catch you are - any guy would be lucky to have your concern! Just don't lose sight of loving yourself most through all this, okay?
I'm rooting for things to work out in the best way for both of you. But also be prepared it might just be time to let go completely. Keep your chin up either way though. Someone as sweet as you won't be single for long. Now go get 'em tiger, and hit me up anytime if you need another brother's opinion! 💪
My initial thought is to say no, don't run after him, but I suspect there maybe more to this than he is telling you.
He is showing all the symptoms of agoraphobia. Now that could be brought on by an event in his life, or just be something on it's own. Either way, if you care about the guy, maybe you should investigate it further.