Why does a man chase me more when he senses me being fine without him?

[Anonymous]

Well, I’m not doing this intentionally but when he’s warm, I am warm, when he’s distant, I’m distant. But when he senses me being fine when he’s cold, like I’m not so responsive to his messages, he will initiate contact and talk to me more.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, guys can be so confusing sometimes! I think what's happening is you match his energy level, which is a good thing - you don't wanna come off desperate.

But some dudes like a little challenge. When they see you being independent and not chasing after them, it piques their interest. Makes them wanna prove they're still your number one or something.

So by playing it cool even when he's distant, you're coming off as high value - like you got other options, you don't "need" him. And that makes him wanna chase you and get your attention again before someone else snags you up!

I'd say keep it up sis. Respond when you feel like it, stay busy with your girls and hobbies, don't drop everything when he calls. Let HIM put in some effort for once! If he's really feeling you, he'll step his game up. You're calling the shots now!

[Asker]

Sounds like playing game😂 I don’t like games but i just wonder why he does it. I mean if he is distant, he can just completely let me go

[Oliverlogan263]

You're right, it totally is a game they're playing whether they realize it or not! And honestly sis, why waste your time wondering about the reasoning of guys who act that way? At the end of the day, it's just mind games.

If he's being distant, you're smart not to chase after him or play into the push-pull. Like you said - if he's really not that interested, he'd just let you go completely instead of occasionally throwing you a bone with messages when he's bored. You deserve someone reliable who makes you and your feelings a clear priority, not an afterthought!

Maybe he likes the attention or knows you'll be available if he changes his mind. But who wants to be with someone like that, always wondering where you stand? Screw that noise, honestly. You seem super chill and fun - go find a guy who wants to hang with you all the time, not just when it suits him! You've got way better things to do than stress over mixed signals. His loss, girl!

[Asker]

Actually when he’s distant, every time right before I say “let’s part ways” he’ll be sweet, then I just hold back my words

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I gotcha, sounds like he's playing games for sure then. Dang that's super annoying of him to only be sweet right when you're about to say you're done. He's definitely doing it on purpose to keep you on the hook. Like he knows as soon as you start to pull away he has to turn on the charm so you don't walk. What a lame tactic, ugh. Next time he's distant and you're ready to break it off, I'd say don't hold back - let him know you mean it! Be like "look dude, I'm tired of the hot and cold. If you're not gonna treat me right all the time then I'm done." And see what he says. My guess is he'll freak out and try to promise to stop playing games. But don't fall for it - tell him actions speak louder than words. If he really wants you, he'll have to prove it by being sweet and consistent, not just when his back's against the wall. You deserve way better than a guy who only pays attention when you threaten to leave! Don't let him think those tricks will work. Stay strong sis!

[Anonymous]

Maybe its a sixth sense. If you get warm again, try pushing forward.

[jahaims]

He's immature