Why does my boyfriend get mad when I cry?

[rosynante]

He didn't let me finish my story and I was already very stressed so I started crying and then he started to make very high sighs and I felt like he doesn't want to deal with me when he gets mad at my crying.

[Crimsyjo]

a lot of guys were brought up not showing their emotions and so didn't learn how to deal with their own let alone anyone else's.

So may just find it uncomfortable. Just personality type or due to a avoidant attachment style. Or maybe you cry a lot and he's tried in the past but it hasn't seemed to help so he's given up. Some guys think we want them to fix problems not just listen. Letting us emotionally unload IS helpful. But they don't get that.

And of course sometimes maybe the guy isn't that emotionally attached to you to care. Maybe he isn't "in love" but just enjoying the "benefits" of a relationship. But only the good bits.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know you but sounds like you cry a lot. This can been overwhelming to men. For men most men don’t know what to do when a girl cries. But hell if she’s crying all the time it gets irritating. I’ve seen some girls cry because their boss said something they don’t like which was the truth. Then they carried that w them all day. A lot of women tend to get their feelings hurt easily over simple things. For most men we’re taught to be strong, that men don’t cry, no one is coming to save you so either man up or get left behind. So when I see simple little things that a girl is crying over I’m like you for real. Plus life experience. I’ve spent about 10 years in the military so I’ve seen a a number of things. So again when I see someone crying over simple things honestly I think wtf.

[b_lova]

It is common for us guys to act this way when we lack empathy. I was this way years ago before I learned I needed to find patience and listen to a woman's heart and allow her to express her feelings.

That being said guys have a hard time watching people cry especially if he thinks the emotional tears are unwarranted or if we don't know how to solve the issue that kindled the tears.

Finally, I would say that this pattern isn't going to get better without him recognizing his need to listen and allow you to express yourself. The question you have to ask yourself, since we can't expect those we are in relationship with to change, is this something you can live with for the rest of your life? Are there qualities about him that make these types of actions okay?

[SugarSugarplum]

Men like to fix things, and they hate it when we cry.

if you're crying he's gonna try some combinations of these things...

• tell you there's no need to be upset (you're so stupid)
• ask you what the exact nature of the problem is, and offer solutions.
• tell you that what you're feeling is invalid, or not the way you think it is.
• just flat-out tell you not to cry (always effective)
• bring you things (like wine, sweets, the heads of your enemies)
• sit with you and let you sob. (last resort for him, but the only thing you really wanted)

[Jbear27]

You need to do some work and humanize men a bit more. Your whole post seems a bit stereotypical and dated.

[SugarSugarplum]

@Jbear27 This is personal experience.

[Jbear27]

I understand and I have personal experiences too. My ex wife of 20 years is caught cheating on me and because of that we got divorced. But I don’t paint all women with the same brush and call them all cheaters.

[SugarSugarplum]

@Jbear27 So... you LOVE to hear her (and other women) cry? Or are your male biological impulses to help more influential?

[Jbear27]

My current girlfriend is 32 and she is a single mother. She is a very smart and strong woman but at times she does break down and cry about things. Never taking things out on me but more venting feelings or frustrations. While I never like to see a woman cry it does make me feel closer to her because she is being super vulnerable. So I don’t tell her to stop. I’d rather she see it through and get it out of her system. I enjoy listening to people when they pour out their feelings and if I can help get through some insecurities and provide needed reassurance then that’s my role.

[SugarSugarplum]

@Jbear27 Good answer.

[DishLady]

Bc to him you seem “crazy” (read… “so emotional he feels helpless and has no clue how to “fix it” bc guys are geared to “fix” or solve for X, not to watch misery unfold without any perceivable ending”).


So… you need to assure him you’re ok but just need time alone to let your tears flow, otherwise he’ll just hover and frown and fret for no reason whatsoever.


(To the many good guys out there… TRY not to get cranky and fret when this happens to your lady… about once a month… twice if she’s complicated…. I’d it happens more than twice a month she’s possibly bipolar or man-dep.)

[keira]

Here’s a wild guess. He feels helpless. Picture this. He sees your tears and suddenly he’s a deer caught in headlights. Men often get this superhero complex, thinking they need to fix everything. Your tears? They’re Kryptonite. He’s floundering because he can’t just swoop in and save the day. Instead of being Mr. Fix-It, he’s Mr. Freaking Out.

[236color]

Sometimes guys feel that a woman is crying to manipulate them, and sometimes they are. I don't think that was what you were doing, but he may have history from a previous relationship. I don't know if that's the case or not, but that's my guess.

[BadApple69]

That’s a man that doesn’t understand women. At that moment you need to be held… you don’t need answers or attempts at solutions…. You just need comfort. Men don’t get this.
When we get upset we need solutions and answers NOW! That’s why we screw up so badly when our ladies just need to be held.

[SpeedAnswerDemon]

last time I held a female, dropped her.
can't believe babies are so goddamn fragile.

[Flatmanlewis]

Could be one of two things:


A/ He’s emotionally immature and/or not really as invested in this relationship to the extent you think he is.


B/ He has encountered women using this as a manipulation technique (definitely others, maybe you too) and it’s frustrating because it’s a hard one to work around as a man.

[provokeesmokee]

Sounds like your boyfriend

• Doesn't know how to deal with emotions
• Isn't willing to be emotionally available to you
• Is only able to "deal" with emotion in the way toxic masculinity dicatates, which is "shut up and quit complaining" (umhealthy for any human)
• Doesn't care enough about you to learn to listen to or support you.

Honestly? Big red flag. He sounds like a bad match and you can do better.

[Berethor]

Why he gets mad? so you don't know that real women don't cry? well now you know. :P

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Real_Women_Don%27t_Wear_Dresses

[gayesblog]

He might feel helpless or unsure of how to comfort you. It could also stem from his own discomfort with expressing emotions. His frustration may not be with you, but with his inability to make things better, reflecting his own emotional struggles.

[SotiCoto]

Are you some sort of alien with tears containing hallucinogenic substances that could induce insanity in unsuspecting victims?

If not... no idea. Driving people insane with tears seems a bit out there.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Have you been crying more than twice a month?

[TracyF]

He's a bad person. A good person and boyfriend will tell you it'd okay to cry.

[KrakenAttackin]

Because a crying woman is a manipulating woman.

[RedInnocent69]

Shame on him! He should be trying to comfort you, make you feel better, and love you up.

[KelsoAlexander]

Is this a one time thing? Or has this happened multiple times already?

[DaBiggestBird]

Probably a piece of shit.

[OddBeMe]

He thinks you’re using it to win the argument.

[jahaims]

He is emotionally immature

[Crazzyyworld]

Do you think he is a boywhore?

[Anonymous]

It depends on the story.

[ab2shifty]

Ask him lol