Does being online amplify aggressiveness, especially on the part of guys? Would you agree or disagree and why?

[Caroline91]

There was a comment made on GAG recently, in answer to another member's question, that I found intriguing: "guys tend to be more aggressive, and being online amplifies that." I mean, in some ways, it seems obvious that being online can pretty much amplify all kinds of negative behaviors. But, given so much of the downright nastiness put forth between men and women I have seen online lately, I'm really wondering about that statement. I know, I have certainly been the recipient of some real vitriol from men on this site and so have numerous other women who have commented on it in various posts. But, it seems like a lot of negative and hateful attitudes have been expressed from women to men as well.

Because I, as a female, have experienced online aggressiveness mostly from men (and from only one female) that's why I specifically asked about men towards women... I am looking for ways to minimize those interactions in my own online experience. But, please have at it in any and all directions... lol. The only thing I ask is to have a reasonable, non hateful discussion if people think it is worth having. Remember, it isn't what you say, it is how you say it.

Updates

+1 y

So, I feel a need here to say how much I appreciate all of the really good guys that participate on GAG and how much I enjoy the things you all share and the way in which you comport yourselves. You make participating in the GAG community so very worthwhile!!

[Anonymous]

No and no. But it's interesting that you bring up the aggressiveness of some men while completely ignoring the antagonizing of so many men on this site by women. I'd say at least 50% of all questions by women on this site are troll questions by pinks designed to elicit a reaction from men. I'm not going to argue. But I've learned better than to show ANY vulnerability on this site. You WILL pay for it damn near every time. So knowing this, a guy has 2 choices 1. Take a very measured approach where he essentially says nothing of any use to anybody. Or 2. simply not care and be bulldozer to everybody. This is why 90% of my posts are anon. So I can help who I can when I can. But then can disappear like a ghost. Because you never know who is going to get triggered for what, and why. I had one woman stalk me for two weeks on here just because I had the opinion that pets do not have souls.

My advice to you is 1. get very liberal with the block button. 2. Never post a question that allows anon posting. That way at least if someone tries to troll you they can only do it ONCE before being blocked. And 3. Report, report, report. You can't make people act civil but you can harrass thier belligerence at every turn.

Best of luck to you.🙂👍

[Caroline91]

I think you make some really good points. But, please go back and re-read what I said. I really did not ignore that women behave badly, too, and I did explain why I was putting the emphasis on men in that particular question. I think enough people on this site know me well enough now to realize where I am coming from and that my intent is never to belittle or antagonize. But, I do think some uncomfortable subjects are worth discussing. And, I do appreciate your own civility in making your comments. Thank you for your input.

[Opinion Owner]

That was your mistake. You cannot tell the genders to get along essentially (probably won't happen anyways) and then put an emphasis on the opposite gender.
I'll give you an analogy. It would be like a guy saying men should get EQUAL say on reproductive rights. Because men are 50% of the equation on creating a life. Most women would go bananas (understandably) if a guy said that.
The very fact that you're a woman puts you at odds to a man's point of view.
I'm always going to be civil unless someone is not civil with me.🙂
Either way I do appreciate your ATTEMPT at bridging the two genders.

[Caroline91]

I don't see myself as being at odds with a man's point of view. I consider myself to be interested in understanding other points of view, and both ask for and give patience in doing so. I think men and women are meant to complement each other, which makes us all stronger. My husband and I are doing this in our marriage and it is possible for men and women to do this at all levels of social functioning, if we want to. I think at this point, it happens at the grass roots level by finding like minded people and creating workable relationships. As far as your example regarding reproductive rights... It doesn't seem equitable to me that a man will be held responsible. to provide support for a child he fathers, yet has no say in whether that pregnancy is aborted or not. Yet, he is not the one whose body is the source of that life coming into the world. I have no answers for a lot of these kinds of issues, but we surely do need to be having earnest and productive conversations about these social issues that lead to resolutions, talking into account the best interests and rights of everyone. Equal rights have to be equal for all of us.

[Opinion Owner]

Well as I said. I do consider your post well intended even if misguided. I agree I too try to understand others point of view. I too think the genders are meant to compliment eachother. But both genders think very differently which is a source for many of the problems.
And yeah, that's why I use abortion as an example because this is a subject that will always be contested between not just between the genders but in the camps of both genders. I appreciate your take on it. I don't think we're far apart.

[Caroline91]

Thanks again for presenting additional things to think about and your positive way of interacting and presenting your thoughts.

[Opinion Owner]

Always.🙂

[SotiCoto]

People in general are quicker to judge and dismiss others when masked behind anonymity. It isn't just about freedom from consequences, though that is a large factor. It is also that anyone else they're addressing is just text on a screen. On a subconscious level that makes them less real than... say... a dog. Strangers online are basically on the level of vermin to each other... so it doesn't take much for the social conventions of civility to break down.

[Caroline91]

@SotiCoto Sometimes I think it's easier to be a dog person than a people person!

[hahahmm]

What I've noticed is that the more government tries to limit violence (by punishing people who are violent REGARDLESS of whether 30+ years ago nobody would even care) the more you get rude people irl. You have all these people being rude to strangers and then running to the cops or the media the second the other person shows a sign of wanting to deal with them. This didn't happen when I was growing up. Or it was super rare. If you said the wrong thing to the wrong person they would punch you in the mouth before you even finished your sentence or maybe punch you twice. Teachers would literally break your bones if you were dumb enough to insult them. Most people were respectful & smart enough not to start problems back in the day tho. I think this same increase in the number of rude people happens online.

Also, I remember back when all emails could easily be traced to the actual owner and you needed an email address to get any online services. Or you needed, at the very least, your real phone number... which again could be traced easily. And email addresses and new phone numbers weren't easy to get. Then companies offering free email accounts to any and everybody with zero identify verification showed up (microsoft hotmail, yahoo!) and everything changed. Now you could have azzholes with fake identities running around insulting strangers with zero fear of consequences.

I'm not saying trolls didn't exist before that BUT it was different. Trolls were 1,000 times smarter than today's trolls. It was a different sort of thing. And the vast majority of people weren't trolling.

[patois]

In real life you wouldn't say and ask many of the things you do to men, as a result guys would not respond to your behavior. Go try asking some of the crazy shit girls say on this site to men in real life or try disrespecting them like women on this site do and I bet men say a lot of things to you that leave you shocked and they might even punch you in the face. Men are generally pretty straight forward. Guys get called insensitive all the time in real life. Women tend to say a lot more online than they would say to men in person.

[Caroline91]

That's a really good point. I do try to be careful about that and not say much differently than I would IRL. But, both online and IRL, it largely depends on how well I feel I know that person. The difference I need to pay attention to, in thinking about what you said, is that no matter how well I think I know someone online, I don't necessarily really know that person. Also, to be aware that there is a difference between chatting on the public forum and chatting on DM. Up until recently, I have avoided using social media and am having to learn the ropes quickly. Thanks so much for your insightful comments.

[patois]

Typical GaG conversation on the subway...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWHXlARdEMw

[Caroline91]

This is a very sad thing, no matter where it happens, on or off line. And no one else should have to listen to it, either. I find it frightening.

[patois]

Stay bubbled wrapped...

[Caroline91]

Not sure how to take your comment…

[patois]

I thought you were an analyst of written and spoken word... I am saying the world is a rough and tumble place and that you seem sheltered. This isn't some sort of BDSM pick up line.

[Caroline91]

Sarcasm is hard to pick up unless you hear it spoken. I was just trying to be kind and give you the benefit of the doubt. Peace out.

[RebelinSteel]

To me being online is sort of the opposite to being in the pub and coming out with the usual bollox you see on here.
in the real world if you come out with some crap or aggression etc, you have to be prepared to defend what you have said, be prepared to take a kicking for what you said.

Online is like writing those comments on the toilet walls, no one knows who came out with them, they can be still hurtful and cause harm but there is no one to pin them on to.

Also it’s guys and girls, however often the guys who don’t usually go to pub and or socialise with others, they are happy to sneak to the toilets and write crap on the wall and hide away again.

[BetaBucks]

I'm 10x more aggressive in the real world. I've noticed women are orders of magnitude more aggressive online than in real life. Probably 99% of the personal insults I've received in my entire life were from women online. But men make more threats. Probably 99% of all threats I've ever received were from men online. The actual ones. The fake threats were from women and go in the personal insults category.

[Caroline91]

@betabucks Now that is a really interesting observation... I will have to give it some thought.

[HollyK21]

Being online amplifies many things, mainly because none of it is direct and depending on the platform, there’s the sense of anonymity. On this site alone, over the years I’ve been berated, verbally abused and even stalked by men who I fully believe would never do or say any of that IRL. They’ll allegedly have girlfriends or wives yet attack and degrade women from behind the veil of anonymity.

[Caroline91]

So, how do you choose to deal with it? What have you found to be effective? Especially the online stalking, which I personally find the most disturbing to experience.

[HollyK21]

I personally didn’t feel like much was done with the stalking thing. This person spent close to a year making new profiles specifically to find my page and harass me, going under any comment I made to someone and saying the most vile, horrific things. I took screenshots of the incidents, profiles, compiled them and tried contacting the site. They’d say they couldn’t receive the pictures no matter how I tried to send them.

What I was hoping for was some sort of ban on this persons IP address or something since one profile would get deleted and he’d easily make another. There was a moderator on here who helped more than the actual GAG team did. When the profile would pop up, I’d tag her and she’d remove the comments, then expedite reporting the profile I guess. That was the fastest way to get some sort of motion.

As of now it’s been about 4-5 months without encountering that person so I’m guessing he moved on but the lack of help and support here was very disheartening.

[Caroline91]

Yeah, I've had 2 ongoing and a third just started up. But they each have hallmarks in how they communicate so you can actually tell it's the same person. Can't be sure if it's actually a man or a woman acting like a man, which I've had my suspicions on one. Now I just delete immediately and don't even answer with a single word. But online stalking, while disturbing, isn't as frightening as IRL stalking. But that's why I don't post any pictures of myself online.

[HollyK21]

Yeah same here, I deleted the comments when I could, but when he commented on my conversations under other people’s comments then I could either ask the person to delete (if they don’t already do it themselves), or reach out to that moderator to take it down. It’s really too bad that we have to deal with that here, stalking at any capacity just isn’t ok.

[Caroline91]

Hey, thanks for your comments. it was helpful.

[Still-alive]

Maybe but what it does do is allow people feeling a similar way to group up together and when that happens their voices get louder and they get bolder. so maybe the aggressiveness is a byproduct of that. its a group thinking mentality in my opinion

[Caroline91]

So, not much different than group dynamics on or off line...

[Still-alive]

well the online part allows them to find each other easier than irl. especially if they are the socially anxious types too which tbh a lot of incels do tend to fall into that as well.

[Caroline91]

Hmmm... makes sense. Thanks for the insight!

[Angelo75]

Well the funfact is that a LOT of people will have a big mouth when they can hide behind privacy and anonymousness of internet.

But when a person is directly physically confronted with the consequences of their words, then all of a sudden they become less big-mouthed.

Now here comes my THEORY. That's all it is. A theory.
PEOPLE (not only men but also women) might read the stuff online which is more aggressive and then go think they can also apply it in real life around them physically.
In that fact I do think that the online attitude is actually functioning as some kinda catalyst for people's aggressive behaviour.

But, since I'm not a shrink, this is just all theories.

[FunkyMonkee]

Well, it DOES give one a slightly higher sense of anonymity and, therefore, more aggression can come to the fore because there's a much lesser chance of it causing them to be punished or outcast.

[Caroline91]

@FunkyMonkee Yeah, I hear ya, Funkster, especially on avoiding being punished or outcast. And here you are, so often just bein'' so honestly fun and funny... and I just love ya so much!!

[FunkyMonkee]

Lol! Aaawww, thank you, snookums! I try. I love you, too.

[Caroline91]

@FunkyMonkee Hey! ya know what? It's been way too long... We can just leave all this stuff behind. Let's blow this bogus joint and head for the Mulberry G.

[Caroline91]

@funkymonkeeWh. oops! Mulberry Grove and I will chase you around the bushes... or you can come to my house for tea and crumpets and a swim in our lake. Then we can row, row, row our old leaky boat and see if it floats. Whadya say, Funky, whadya say?

[FunkyMonkee]

Sounds like a plan! Let me vacuum my flying carpet and get it revved up and we'll see what flies.

[Caroline91]

Just be sure to keep your mouth shut so you don't swallow any of those flies!!

[FunkyMonkee]

The only ones I'll swallow will be the pop flies. Especially if they're root beer!!

[Caroline91]

Oooo I have root beer in the fridge right now AND vanilla ice cream... AND bendy straws!!

[FunkyMonkee]

I'll be right over!!

[Caroline91]

Eyelashes batting furiously!!

[FunkyMonkee]

Oooo!! Keep it up!! I can feel the4 breeze from here!

[DryGermanGuy]

Looks like parts of the social compact are repealed in the online world. Add on top of that the easy availability for even the extreme fringe to populate an echo chamber…

[Caroline91]

@DryGermanGuy Leave it to you to say it succinctly!

[strateguy632]

"especially on the part of guys" is a very sexist statement. in a way the bad chauvinism that isn't allowed, but you think it is okay to aim it at men.

the answer is: people all, not just men rely on anonymity here to write "baiting" stuff. or just nonsense.

except the few rare serious people here.

aggressive is not limited to men.

[Caroline91]

@strateguy632 And I did acknowledge that. I also made it clear that I was asking from women's perspective. This is really just meant to be a question to start a discussion that can, hopefully, expand to something like the aggression that men are feeling from some women online. But all discussions have to start somewhere. Maybe I could have worded it better? Perhaps I will make that my next question in order to round things out. if you would like to make any suggestions on how to word it or, perhaps even better, formulate and ask the question yourself bc you are a man, that would be great. I'm truly sorry if it came across as sexist bc that was not my intent. Thank you for your input... Peace?

[mandyfire98]

I've only ever had men be aggressive with me online or in real life. Like 99.9 percent more aggressive encounters with men vs women online or real life. Also if I post an answer to someone's question it's always a guy commenting underneath, even though conversation doesn't include them, and tries to either say I'm dumb, I'm a slut or whore, I don't know what I'm talking about or any other variation. It's never women jumping in attacking me out of nowhere.

[Caroline91]

@mandyfire98 Yeah, the jumping into the middle of a conversation just to berate or insult is confounding. And, I've noticed, the more a woman makes sense or seems intelligent, the more someone is likely to want to come after her. I've actually noticed you, in particular, are one of the women who falls into that category.

[mandyfire98]

I do get a fair amount of negative attention from men on here randomly out of nowhere lol. It seems to be very much

"oh she just answered a question, I need to let her know I not only disagree with her but she needs to know she's dumb and I'm superior to her. Even though she's not even talking to me at all."

I have no idea why I'm a magnet for that lol.

[Caroline91]

Same here. But it happens IRL too. I enjoy your comments and input a lot. I guess we just keep on truckin'...

[mandyfire98]

All you can do. Just stay safe

[Caroline91]

Thanks, you too!

[Bricealan]

@Caroline91 You are singing to the choir, my friend. I have seen it first hand from both men and women, but I do try to avoid any contact with the angry-abusive people on GAG. Thankfully, some of those people have disappeared from the site. Report those abusive people to 'Coach" or 'PurplePoppy"... They, and others on the site are very helpful

Bruce

[Caroline91]

@Bricealan. Thank you, I always appreciate your input!

[OddBeMe]

Documentary called “Face” with John Cleese suggested road rage was because we don’t see cars on the road as people. If we were at the mall we hold doors open for people.

I imagine it’s the same online. Screen names are easier to rage at.

[NathanDavis]

well... there's that thing Mike Tyson said

you can't really get punched in the face through screens... lol

[Babygirl_S]

I have also experienced aggression mostly from men on the internet which includes racist remarks

[Caroline91]

@babygirl_s And that adds a whole different level to the aggression. I'm sorry for that.

[LiamJHayden]

Undoubtedly with some guys. Why? There is little danger of an actual reprisal. I just think of the following and laugh it off.

[Jamie05rhs]

Aggressiveness is natural in males. It's just subdued in the West, so that's why they lash out online more. Because it's essentially their only outlet.

[Caroline91]

Interesting observation. Why in the West as opposed to other parts of the world?

[Jamie05rhs]

@Caroline91 In other parts of the world you can join militias or even terror organizations. And you therefore get to shoot people with guns on a regular basis. (Not condoning or endorsing that. Just making an objective observation.). You may even have turf wars with other tribes or people groups.
And there is a lot of actual physical violence involved in political protests. (Although obviously this last part is changing now in America in the post- BLM modern era.)

[Caroline91]

@Jamie05rhs Ok. Thanks for your explanation. :)

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome!

[strangeatcircleK]

It's an interesting question


I think it's like driving. You can have much easier aggression on the road vs face to face

I think it's that same effect online

There is less personal interaction with that

[handsomelad70]

Yes, because of "keyboard courage" which lets folk, usually but far from always boys spew their too often disgusting opinions about those they abhor.

[MASTER_ISH]

i think internet really increase aggressiveness... its like internet has become a drug or like something
by the way liked your last line 👌

[zombiewoof]

And being online is like wearing a mask, each person is hidden

[Jennz6]

No, I am not like that

[Caroline91]

@jennz6 I know that's for sure, Jen!

[Jennz6]

@Caroline91 lol, thank you Carolyn

[Bricealan]

@jennz6 Heck no, Jenn, you are ANYTHING but aggressive. You're a sweet heart.

[beefcakebradybatson]

I'm frequently online and am not that aggressive.

[Billlewis]

I think sometimes it definitely does.