Guys, 'If he wanted to, he would' how true is that? Even if the guy is depressed?

[Lalalove11]

Curious to hear guys perspective on this. Is It generally true that if a guy likes you or wants you he will make some type of effort? Even if he is suffering some type of depression?

[teamvic]

It's a misleading statement. Although I do agree if a guy really like you he would ( for the most part). If you compare his actions to others than are getting more then you'll assume he just doesn't like you

It can also be that the guy just isn't that great at showing how they feel. Or also that they can't always do or show appreciation how they would like to, example, lack of money.

So it's not as simple as, "if he wanted to he would." Which is why I hate that phrase and if women follow that simple logic not only will they ruin relationships. They'll find that they have trouble being happy.

I'm not saying that men don't show or shouldn't show effort. Because they should. But depending on what it is. It's not always as simple as just doing it

It's like if a guy always wants sex and the girl says no sometimes

Does that mean she ain't into him? Does that mean she's losing feelings? If she wanted to show that she loved him, she would have sex with him.

You see how it doesn't work like that? Perhaps she just doesn't wanna fuck all the time. Which is fine.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Ed talk. Next week we will talk about the benefits of shaving yo ass cheeks

Thank you

[meepmeeperton]

I think guys will put effort even if they’re depressed, but that effort may be limited. Getting out of bed at all to hang out with you may take significant effort for a depressed dude.

At the same time, depression can’t be an excuse for treating a girl poorly or neglecting her.

On the other hand, “if he wanted to he would” often is used in a toxic way by women in my opinion. It makes it seem like a girl’s boyfriend is an absolute bum if he doesn’t buy her flowers every single day.

A lot of guys, especially ones with limited relationship experience, struggle to understand that women want to be continuously pursued even when they are in a relationship. They don’t really understand needing extra displays of affection because it’s like, I’m dating you obviously I love you. So they may need some hints and help with that from the girl.

[Lalalove11]

The guy I'm interested in has bipolar so I tried reaching out again and we were talking quite a lot. Then very suddenly he became more depressed and told me he spends most his time in bed. He stopped reaching out. I know he was at least interested but maybe not enough to pursue. It's hard to tell if it's due to his depression or because he doesn't really like me as much as I like him... I kept reaching out which he told me to do, he gets it in his head and isolates from people who care about him. But I got really tired of constantly reaching out 😕 I don't know what to do

[meepmeeperton]

You would probably have to keep reaching out and just not give up on him even during depressive episodes.

It can take a toll on you too though if he’s coming off as avoidant and doesn’t seem like he even likes you when he’s depressed.

Sadly it’s very rare for people with mental illness to be in a relationship without unintentionally hurting their partner.

You would have to like him a lot be very dedicated to see an improvement.

[Lalalove11]

It's been nearly two months.. might be time for me to move on. He would never ask me how I was so it was hard to hold conversation. I do like him a lot though. Sometimes I can see he is online and I wonder why he can't simply text a quick hello.

[NamerOfStars]

The moral of the story of Cinderella is "wait around long enough, passively enduring bad things and never taking any positive steps to better your situation, and good things will happen to you".

It seems kind of stupid when it's stripped down to that, doesn't it?

Hyperagency isn't any LESS stupid.

[RavVid]

I associate 'if he wanted to he would' with some female demand. The implication being he doesn't want to do X for the girl then he has dealt himself out of playing in her gene pool.

If I liked a girl I would make a gesture but that wouldn't extend to buying her a new car. I don't think depression has that much to do with it more realism.

[Lalalove11]

Yes fair. In my situation I'm not expecting that, I wanted to talk to him but he stopped texting.

[RavVid]

Wanting to talk to him is quite modest

[Lalalove11]

Yeah after a while when I realised it was just me initiating the texts and he was growing distant I stopped. I hoped that would balance it out but he hasn't tried once to reach out.

[RavVid]

It has run it's course I'd say.

[Lalalove11]

Hm yeah perhaps. :/

[TallAnon]

Context, because time and money are always a factor.

[spartan55]

And if she wanted to SHE would too.

[Lalalove11]

Yes that's fair but I mean I wanted to hear a man's perspective 🤔

[spartan55]

I think that it's accurate within reason. w

[Pterodon]

Not necessarily if he’s getting no feedback from you he could think you’re not interested. Why don’t you ask him out

[Lalalove11]

I tried to text him and we had a good rapport but he grew more distant. He suffers bipolar but he's in therapy. I sort of gave up trying to reach out all the time and not sure what to do

[jahaims]

You have no idea what depression is if you are asking this

[Lalalove11]

I'm asking after my friend kept saying this to me and seeing it everywhere. I am very much aware what depression can look like as it runs in my family. In my situation the guy hasn't texted in almost two months however so I'm beginning to wonder if it's something else.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That very true cause if I want to do something I'm gonna do it

[LiamJHayden]

The guy might also be too shy or too jaded.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

[Opinion Owner]

That is an inaccuracy that women spread because they WANT it to be true. A man if he really wants you will MATCH your effort. FOOLS and guys who just like to play around will always make the effort.

[Opinion Owner]

By the way, that's CLEAR EFFORT. a lot of women game men. If he thinks for a second you're playing him he'll back away.

[eagle1951]

hard to say