Boyfriend sends me lovely messages but doesn’t ask questions is this a red flag?

[Finfin1981]

So I’ll send photos of something I’m doing or a video if I’m away on holiday etc and I’ll text saying thanks for the video or photo.. won’t pick up the phone to talk to me unless I make eye effort. Doesn’t seem interested in getting to know more about what I’m doing.. but continually sends photos of himself and sends messages sayin. I’m the loveliest most selfless girlfriend on earth and he misses me but I feel disconnected.. when we talk sometimes he makes an effort to ask questions but mainly talks about himself.. am I wasting my time?

[Oliverlogan263]

Omg girl, that would totally bug me too! Sending all those sweet messages but then not actually following up with interest in how you're doing is def a yellow flag. Here's what I'm thinking:

- It's easy for him to send cute texts, but actually listening and engaging takes more effort on his part. Red flag #1.

- He may say all the right things, but actions speak louder than words. His actions aren't matching up. Red flag #2.

- Only talking about himself even when you do talk isn't great for connection and intimacy in a relationship. Red flag #3.

I'd have a serious chat with him. Be direct but not accusatory - just share how the lack of follow through and reciprocation makes you feel distant. See how he responds. Watch his actions after, not just words.

If it doesn't improve, you may want to reconsider this relationship honey. You deserve someone who puts in the effort to really know you and make you feel cared for, not just tell you they do. Your feelings are totally valid, girl! Don't waste your time on potential players. You're worth so much more than some dude who treats you like an option. <3

[Finfin1981]

This is his text after I sent a photo of me and my mum and daughter … asked no questions of where we were how we were etc

Looks super super cool
T. bet
all your body batteries are 98%, pulse 38%, stress levels 5%(out of 100%) and your happiness index is 99,8%
noaarr

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm yeah that response is pretty lacking, sis. Not even a basic question about how your day went or what you guys were up to in the photo. Just a generic comment and then right into talking about himself and his bot. Not cool at all.

I get wanting to share that new tech thing with you, but like damn have some interest in your girl too! A simple "Wow you all look great, where were y'all at?" takes like 2 seconds. He should wanna know about your life and family when you open up like that.

Definitely brings up those red flags again. Almost seems like you're an accessory he just wants to brag about having sometimes, not a real partner he's emotionally invested in. You deserve way better than that, mama!

Only you know for sure if this is an isolated incident or a pattern, but if it keeps happening I'd say start pulling back. Don't give all your energy to someone who doesn't give it back. Set some boundaries and see if he steps up - if not, you already know what to do sis. You got this!

[Finfin1981]

Thanks so much I always appreciate your responses. I did speak to him about it and he said he was sorry but was trying to not disturb me but will address his behaviour so we shall see …

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw girl, I'm glad you decided to have that talk with him! It's always good to be honest about how you're feeling instead of letting little things build up. Really paying attention to how he responds to addressing his behavior will say a lot.

On the one hand, it's good that he apologized and acknowledged the behavior is something he needs to work on. That's a hopeful sign he's willing to listen and do better.

But now he's gotta back that up with real changes and effort, not just empty promises. Pay attention to see if he actually starts asking more questions, being curious about you and your day, listens and contributes equally to convos.

If things improve, awesome - give him another chance. But if you continue feeling disconnected and it's just more of the same, then you gotta do what's best for you, ya feel me? Your needs matter!

Hope it works out sis. Either way, you've got this! And girl, we all know I got your back no matter what 😉

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm not sure how you think you could be wasting your time. The guy clearly likes you, he just doesn't understand that his self importance is pushing you away. The guy at least deserves a chance to be told where he is going wrong..

[Finfin1981]

Thank you for your opinion it really means a lot that you have replied x

[TommyMountainFigure]

You're very welcome.. I read your responses to others.. Now let's hope it sinks in with him!

[TommyMountainFigure]

Thank you for MHO

[uncleBobbyb77]

No, your not wasting your time based on thar alone. He is saying some of the things he should but is treating you like he treats his male buddies. We don't ask each other a bunch of invasive questions. We figure if they want us to know or if they want to talk about it they would just say it without being asked. Let him know that is not how women operate at all and what it is that's on your mind. It seems to me it's possible he is telling you all about what he's doing because you ask questions and he doesn't want you to have reasons to doubt him and that maybe he trusts you and doesn't want you feeling like he doubts you. Of course this seems like the best case scenario of the vast array of possibilities but I'm optimistic and rooting for you. Either way open honest communication is the answer. I hope he hears you

[kmg9150]

Men can be clueless when it comes to communicating with women. Either he's just buttering you up or its the former. But if you talk about it and it continues, then you have to make a decision, deal with behavior that doesn't suit you want or ditch him. Is this a long distance relationship? Is he younger than you?

[insatiable_curiosity]

I agree with Logan. My 2 year relationship just ended. My ex did exactly the same thing. This left me feeling undesired and unappreciated.

[Almanprens]

Everybody is different… so we can’t say this is a red flag.. we don’t know what’s inside of this guy… you should communicate and solve it with him… communication is the very important..

[Abdulw]

He perhaps doesn't want to make the conversations into a interview

[Jpie555]

Sounds like a pretty shallow, maybe narcissistic guy…IMHO

[Anonymous]

Stop wasting your time. Please!