Opinions to respond or ignore him?

[Anonymous]

I been texting him a few moments everyday while he’s visiting family. He enjoys my conversations bc I’m funny & sweet, but today conversation wasn’t great. I was shopping & doing errands he sent a random funny video & I went on with my day with my errands. Eventually I am @fastfood place ordering food for everyone. While waiting for my order I DM him about how hungry I was excited about going home to eat after a productive busy day. He sent me a picture of his day playing golf. I sent 😂 & ❤️ including leaving a few regular messages. Unfortunately, I got home & was very upset told him that I was too upset to enjoy my dinner bc I was missing an item that was important to me bc I needed it for tomorrow. He saw my message 2hrs ago no response nothing to show me that he genuinely cares about me. He left me on read & I am more upset than I was 2hrs ago.
I don’t know if he forgot to respond bc he is with family, but I would be more upset if the next day he still doesn’t cheer me up or show some kind of support about my day tomorrow. I would cheer him up when he was having a rough day. I wonder if he even likes me as a romantic partner or just friends & hurting our friendship by not being a caring person I know that he is. He is shy doesn’t know how to flirt or talk to girls. He is a vanilla type of guy, but he kinda busy with his work life to think about a romantic relationships. He doesn’t mind if I tried flirting bc in the future he would like to have a partner it could be me… he very slow at taking his time in a relationship not even holding hands. I don’t know if I should message him tonight or tomorrow or ignore him until he realizes that I’m upset. I’m not even sure if he is brave enough to express his feelings towards me if he does have any romantic interest in me or cares about me as a friend.

[DoggyDude]

So, when anyone is working we have an expectation; The expecation is that if someone we care about needs us badly, they will ring us; That expectation comes also with trust, that our cared for person will only ring if its truly urgent. This means really important, family berevement, serious accident, financial crisis and always expects if its something that can reasonably wait, it waits. It's also what an employer expects.

If what upset you fell into the earlier category, you should have phoned; It may not still be that he could come back to you right away, there can be a heap of reasons a person doesn't have their phone by them at all times. A two hour delay in responding is perfectly reasonable, if your situation is urgent its expectable you have multiple people you may contact, sure you may really want him to be first, but your need would mean you can take second and try him again later.

What shows how much someone cares, is not the speed they respond to you, that just shows you how fast they MIGHT respond. It is how they react and what they do when you DO get back in touch.

Secondly, some people sour any response from a partner, because they don't understand this basic assumption. They get hurt over little stuff, like, for example, how long it takes someone to reply to them, or another friend calling them mean names; Sure that's hurtful in the second instance, and maybe a little emotionally uncomfortable in the first, but a person needs to realise that in the first instance there can be SO many legitimate reasons for someone not responding (and controll their emotional response until they know more) and in the second instance, deal with it themselves and then share their heart reaction with their trusted person later; Who will show they care, though they may not show the same level of response and part of a caring response is to challenge the one you love within support, not to blindly see things the same way.

So my answer is, realise your not being reasonable here; Get in touch, enjoy his company, you can mention even you where feeling vunerable when he didn't react to your upsetting incident; Then listen hard to why he didn't respond, see if he's sad he wasn't responsive (or otherwise maybe he explains why he couldn't respond and just says he's sorry your upset, here meaning that he's generally sorry but not sorry he didn't respond faster, he's given his reasons).

Over time, if you find a pattern of him dismissing EVERYTHING and stuff which deeply matters to you, tell him WARN HIM, politely, of whats happening, give some examples and caringly explain how he's making you feel. If he doesn't show care NOW then, THEN, you can start feeling he's not right for you.

Good luck.

[Asker]

He responded. It was short… I got lost with reading your message… but ty for the details… I just responded with honesty about how upset I was but I feel better about his short response… then I read all the comments not very helpful comments… I hope that whenever he has the time to read my message again he will appreciate how I didn’t blame him or ignore him or deny the fact that I was upset. I just told him that he was more valuable to me as an person that I was upset with him more than whatever I was upset about & that his response did make me feel better bc now I know that I do care about him than whatever might upset me… unless if it’s him… I guess I like him more than I am aware of or how to handle it?

[DoggyDude]

I hope he aprechaite how you felt and gets back to you in the right way to reflect it.

Any guy loves more the girl who is patient and trying to find his inner self; Worthwhile guys, ones deserving of this, tend to join their partners upsets. So you sound like your doing the right things, and the most important part is gentle communication, but more insistant and clearer communication if he's not bringing back to you the care you need to feel love.

Keep the communication going, don't ignore him, but keep considering things like you have here , and I hope he's as special as your care (reflected her) warrents :).

[molonski2]

I'm sure what you want from this man..

Firstly fast food , is not food , give that processed sht up , you sound rather inconsistent and all over the shop with your actions.

Secondly , its called a PHONE , stop with these nonsense messages , and call the guy up , listen to him , but don't let your mood complicate the circumstance.

[Asker]

I don’t know why you are assuming that I am demanding fast food from him? Or why you gotta tell everyone it ain’t food bc Subway looks like a sub sandwich & tastes like a sub sandwich.

I just texted him like this:
Good morning ☀️ have fun with your family
I’m get food & errands
Omg I’m soo upset I trusted the wrong person to help me out with my errands they forgot this one item & I am extremely upset.

& message read… & me very worried about it pondering & wondering if I’m upset with him now & the waiting a few hours or worse 3weeks no response oh god… what have I done worst time but opportunity to see how he responds I guess… but when? Ask a girl? Or maybe ask a guy? Both? Because calling him while he was just having fun with his family didn’t wanna ruin it bc I’m upset so yeah… left a puzzling question because I was puzzled at the time.

[Nikki1989]

If you were serious about him, you would actually talk to him.

[spartan55]

So this guy is your 'friend' but you expect girlfriend treatment? Sounds like a bad deal for him.

[Asker]

Excuse me? girlfriend treatment? How dare you. I am upset about him not showing any empathy. I am a caring person who cheers up anyone who is blue family friends & guys who I might wanna try to have a closer relationship with, but would like to know even as a friend or stranger if they are caring. I don’t need to waste my time being taken for granted supporting other people.

[spartan55]

What was this missing item that you needed for tomorrow?

[spartan55]

He's with his family, it's only been two hours... chill out geez

[spartan55]

Glad you appreciated my 'not helpful' response. By not helpful you mean not what you want to hear, right?

[Asker]

What I was missing is none of your business.
My message about that was very casual… “I’m upset because I am missing something & it was important to have tomorrow.” Also there are a lot of people who will read a message & never respond to you again. What I was worried about was being upset to mention that I was upset about something & he didn’t like reading my message or maybe he just busy with his family & if I should message him back or ignore him even if it means waiting 3days later or 2weeks later… for him to respond back, but I would have been more upset if I waited that long at that point how many people would wait with that much patience for someone to respond to their last message… A lot of people wouldn’t have the patience to wait 2wks it not worth it to their standards at that point to care anymore of how that person doesn’t respond. An individual would set boundaries because they deserve respect. So I just didn’t appreciate your advice & you even responded to my feedback with negativity… you are supposed to help & you shouldn’t gave an advice with an insult to the person who is going to be reading your comments & will definitely disagree with you because it wasn’t necessary to say that… & not everyone show like 👍🏼 or should follow your advice. What I chose to do is my decision alone & how I respond to individual who think that I would allow that disrespectful comment guess again. Nobody would appreciate your advice if you insulted them: “Sounds like a bad deal for him.”

[spartan55]

That's not insulting anyone. Pretty big leap, but it fits in with the rest.
You must have forgot your Chapstick, or something about as important. That's why you won't say.
So how many simps do you have on standby for these major type emergencies? You sound a true delight.

[Anonymous]

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