I think a lot of the women here don't understand how little therapy does for men. Their go-to response for just about any emotional issue a guy has is often just "Get therapy." But in therapy, all we really get are platitudes, affirmations, mantras, and unhelpful advice that might work for women, but certainly not men. Almost no actual, practical advice is offered. I think I speak for a lot of guys when I say all that does is make us feel worse, and it makes it feel hopeless when not even a trained professional can help you.
This isn't to say ALL therapy is bad, it's just that therapy is overwhelmingly geared toward women, and the things that help women don't tend to help men. We think differently from each other, and we need different solutions to our problems. I'm sure there are therapists out there who are very familiar with men's issues, how we think, and how to help us, but they are very few and far between. Because of this, therapy is almost never worth the time, money, and effort for men. It just seems like a scam to a lot of us.
Guys who have actually been helped by therapy, can you share what it was that helped you? Maybe how your therapist acted, the types of advice they gave you, or what they said that finally got through to you? I'm sure a lot of the guys here could really use some help right about now.
And girls, do you understand where I'm coming from here? I'm not trying to discount your opinions on this, but I think it's important to understand that the differences between men and women aren't only skin deep. It's difficult for us to understand each other, and because of that the advice we give each other (unless we're just giving insight on how we ourselves think) often isn't that great.
Guys, was this similar to your experience in therapy?
i used to be sent to a lot of therapists back when i was a teen. some were those mantra affirmation unhelpful bs ones (also hate those) and some were not, and were straight to the point and concrete. i feel like male therapists tend to be more like that. maybe try a dude, or instead dont see a therapist and just go to a psychiatrist that can put you on some pills which will do the therapy on their own
ofc there's plenty of sucky therapists or ones you don't mesh with, but a lot of people just suck at therapy lol like you gotta go about it the right way
I don't understand what that means. What's the "right way" to go about it? Like I said, men and women think differently. The "right way" to go about things is different between us, and it seems to me that for most guys, seeking therapy in the first place isn't the right way to go about it. It all seems like a huge waste of time, money, and effort for no return at all.
like you gotta open up, be honest, take their advice, put the effort in to improve or follow their advice, etc.
and it takes time to do that usually so it can be a big money waster bc not every therapist is gonna be for you too. and i suck at therapy which is partly why i stopped going lol
The main issue I see is that the advice they give tends to work well for women, but not for men. Men can open up, be honest, and take their advice, but that really doesn't end up doing anything because that advice is geared toward women. That entire industry is geared toward women. Men tend to be far more pragmatic in our way of thinking, and we need practical solutions for our problems. To us, negative emotions are a problem to be solved, not a subject to talk about. The problem with therapy is that we recognize that the way we're thinking is a problem, but that in and of itself doesn't change the way we think. We're often told to simply change our way of thinking, and we want to, but for the most part we just don't have the hardware to change it the way we need to for most therapy to work. It simply does not compute.
I think Dr. K (a therapist) explains it well in this video. While I still don't think he makes therapy work well for men, he explains very well WHY therapy doesn't work well for men.
well that sounds a lot like you had a shitty therapist. for me, therapy was great and did actually help me finish my degree which i probably wouldn't have managed to do without.
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i used to be sent to a lot of therapists back when i was a teen. some were those mantra affirmation unhelpful bs ones (also hate those) and some were not, and were straight to the point and concrete. i feel like male therapists tend to be more like that. maybe try a dude, or instead dont see a therapist and just go to a psychiatrist that can put you on some pills which will do the therapy on their own
therapy is kinda what you make out of it
ofc there's plenty of sucky therapists or ones you don't mesh with, but a lot of people just suck at therapy lol like you gotta go about it the right way
or else it's all pointless
I don't understand what that means. What's the "right way" to go about it? Like I said, men and women think differently. The "right way" to go about things is different between us, and it seems to me that for most guys, seeking therapy in the first place isn't the right way to go about it. It all seems like a huge waste of time, money, and effort for no return at all.
like you gotta open up, be honest, take their advice, put the effort in to improve or follow their advice, etc.
and it takes time to do that usually so it can be a big money waster bc not every therapist is gonna be for you too. and i suck at therapy which is partly why i stopped going lol
The main issue I see is that the advice they give tends to work well for women, but not for men. Men can open up, be honest, and take their advice, but that really doesn't end up doing anything because that advice is geared toward women. That entire industry is geared toward women. Men tend to be far more pragmatic in our way of thinking, and we need practical solutions for our problems. To us, negative emotions are a problem to be solved, not a subject to talk about. The problem with therapy is that we recognize that the way we're thinking is a problem, but that in and of itself doesn't change the way we think. We're often told to simply change our way of thinking, and we want to, but for the most part we just don't have the hardware to change it the way we need to for most therapy to work. It simply does not compute.
I think Dr. K (a therapist) explains it well in this video. While I still don't think he makes therapy work well for men, he explains very well WHY therapy doesn't work well for men.
https://youtu.be/uf8bt6fGQyA?si=BKvUc-0sb6xrSP8V
well that sounds a lot like you had a shitty therapist. for me, therapy was great and did actually help me finish my degree which i probably wouldn't have managed to do without.