Why does he say this to me if he’s married?

[Anonymous]

Long story but I’ve been friendly with a guy for years, through meeting at uni, moving interstate, overseas and we’ve always come back to each other, I mean just checking in and being friendly, but I think there’s always been something there.

He denied feeling feels for me so I’ve kept my distance and he’s married now and I’m in a relationship with someone I love…but I still feel drawn to this other guy from my past.
I wish I wasn’t but it’s such a weird strong connection almost, I’m not sure what to call it even.
We reconnected a little while ago just to check in like we do and I was asking him how he’s been and he says he and his wife life separately now due to work and life etc he asks if I have a partner, then he says if I’m visiting where lives I can stay there with him….. I just said no that’s ok but thanks for the offer…I didn’t know what to say and now things are a bit weird.

? I’m very confused, and WHY would he say those things…I don’t get why he had YEARS to be into me and didn’t but acts into me, and he’s married and I’m happily with someone…help?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a really tricky situation, girl. On the one hand, I can understand still feeling drawn to an old connection, even if he's married now. Emotions are complicated! But him offering for you to stay with him is definitely strange and kinda inappropriate given the circumstances.

A few thoughts on why he might be saying those things:

- He's feeling lonely or disconnected from his wife so is seeking an emotional connection elsewhere, even if nothing physical happens.

- Maybe he did have feelings for you way back when but didn't act on them, and now can't let that "what if" go completely.

- Could be testing the waters to see if you'd be open to something deeper, even though he's married. Wants to keep you as an option.

- Might just be nostalgic for your old friendship and not thinking through how offers like that come across now.

Honestly girl, I'd keep my distance from him. You've moved on, you're happy - don't get caught up in drama or confusion with a married man. Distance is probably healthy here to clear your head and focus on your relationship. You deserve way better than being anyone's back-up plan!

[Asker]

Thanks for your insight, yeah it’s odd and not something I’m going to give more attention to. After he said the ‘staying there’ comment he said sorry if it made me uncomfortable…like yeah just a bit!
He had plenty of chances and never took them so it’s his loss, he can lie in his bed.
Thanks!

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem sis, I'm glad I could offer a different perspective on the situation. And yeah, you're totally right - he definitely had his chances in the past if he was really that interested.

The "sorry if it made you uncomfortable" line is such a cop out too. Like duh, of course it would make anyone uncomfortable when you're married! He's gotta know suggesting you stay over is way out of line.

I say good for you for not giving it more attention. You seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders and know what (and who) is best for you. This dude had his shot and missed it.

Keep focusing on your relationship with the person who treats you right instead of messing around with some married guy who's playing games. You deserve way better than that!

Don't even waste another thought on him. His loss, like you said. Now you've just gotta live your best life and stay happy without all that drama. You've got this!

[CuriousHubby]

Simply sounds like the guy to never be happy with any one. Always wanting more!

Probably is not happily married like he says and she found out he cheats like he is trying to do with you now.

Sure your not the first girl from his past he has tried to bring over night.

Also YOU with someone you love fantasizing about your past guy... Clearly he is not the same and can't focus on his wife but other women.

Please don't be the same and emotionally cheat pinning for what if not what is someone you love and care for.

The only guy you knew is gone.

[Asker]

Thanks, I need to hear that. he's always been like this but I thought he would be different married, I guess not.

[CuriousHubby]

Nope people don't change