Why do guys glance at you randomly?

[Anonymous]

Guy was glancing at me on date randomly & was quiet when we went on a long drive. He put his hand on my upper thigh & then I held his hand from underneath.

He was very quiet he’s normally very extroverted. He noticed very little things such as when I took my Vaseline out he opened the car mirror & told me to look in there. Also when I was a bit uncomfortable he asked me if I wanted to adjust the seat. He also asked if I wanted to put my music on.

Near the end of the date he asked if I wanted to come back to his to watch a movie or for him to walk me to my car. He was very on edge though. I was confused the whole time 🤷🏽‍♀️ I decided to go home but he just messaged saying shame you didn’t stay for a movie or two 😅

[Saramad_Hill]

Well, without having been a third wheel to witness every possible thing that happened, it sounds like he was generally unsure of what to do. But, at least he was giving you options and trying to be helpful sometimes.

Follow your gut on it. What made you feel uncomfortable?

Also, I'm not too sure about asking someone to come home with me on a first date, it just feels a little rushed and tacky. Maybe he was nervous or just doesn't date very often, I'd certainly make mistakes if I was nervous.

Again, you have a better read on him than I do. As for glancing at you randomly or noticing the little things, there's nothing wrong with being perceptive in my opinion. It sounds like he was worried whether or not you were having a good time-- sometimes going on a date with someone feels like an interview. And the fact he was quiet rather than talkative suggests to me that he was nervous of failing that interview.

I'm not one to say "people have to be confident on dates," but it certainly helps smooth out the awkward lulls in conversation.

If you like him and don't feel like he's just wanting sex outta you, try texting him sometime. Maybe figure out another date of sorts, but be mindful of how much it would cost. Dinner and a movie isn't the only way to get to know someone.

Also take my advice with a grain of salt. I don't date very much, I have zero game. But the one thing I can understand is being nervous to the point of fucking things up. If you feel his intentions are pure enough, try to salvage it if you like him like that. If not, let it die peacefully.

[Asker]

Thank you so much I really appreciate your reply. It’s been so helpful. Yeah I think he was nervous and I think I’m not a girl he usually dates. I think the girls he dates are more open and probs my down to be more sexual if that makes sense.

So I felt uncomfortable because the night before he had asked me like what my kinks are and then he asked me again in the car and he said why you being shy and he said I smiled to the side a bit. But we argued a bit the night before and I wasn’t going to meet him because of it. So there were a few things going on 🤷🏽‍♀️

I really like him and I feel like he does too well he finds me attractive at least. I’m just unsure of his intentions. Basically he asked me to stay over the second date we haven’t met yet. But I think that’s too much.

He tells me to come very early like 12pm and wants to spend the whole day with me. So this is what really confuses me, like I know he wants to be sexual etc which is fine he says he wants me to be more open with it. However I don’t understand the staying over part 🤷🏽‍♀️ how’s that classy in anyway this early on?

[Asker]

I did ask him what his intentions were and he said he is looking to find someone on a serious level but he wants to see how things go, however I’m not entirely sure. I’m generally quite conservative and open up more when I’m comfortable with someone. He mentioned stuff like if I’m lucky I’ll meet his mum and he told me where she lives etc. earlier on he said I’ll meet his little sister soon.

I just feel very lost with it, in my mind I’m thinking why would a guy introduce a girl to his family who he’s casually brought home so early on? Has he already made his mind up or is he just more easy going? However I don’t know if that’s linked to anything. Anything I read online suggests the guy doesn’t see you as long term material if he brings you over that early but I’m unsure.

He definitely knows I’m not someone who’s going to open to a lot of sexual stuff before marriage but he’s continuing with it so I’m unsure

& don’t put yourself down like that I think your opinion as great and you probably just know how to treat a woman right :)

[Saramad_Hill]

My hangup is the asking about the kinks thing, asking you to spend the night (definitely a chance he'd want to sleep in the same bed, cuddle, etc.)

It's definitely not classy. Maybe he is serious about you but has screwed up ideas on how to proceed? I don't think he's trying to manipulate you by getting you invested in the family, but... I don't know. I have a hard time understanding dating in general, but I can at least sense when someone's after something.

I don't want to sit here and bash the guy, but I'd call some of those questions and moves he's made to be 'blunders' for sure.

[Saramad_Hill]

Awhile ago, I'd have done the same thing. Sex has never been my main goal-- that's something that needs to be agreed on and the time would need to be right. I'd absolutely love to have someone over to watch a movie, but then I'd definitely be checking if they'd want to leave or not. Still, it's not exactly classy, just a more casual dating experience. I do think it's more thoughtful to plan places to go a few times before making a leap to a personal space-- whether or not he wanted to get freaky or just have an innocent chat.

Anyway-- pay attention to that last bit. He knows you're more prone to waiting for marriage, and that's something I'd label as a boundary of sorts. Pushing that boundary will push you away over time. And the fact you have doubts is already a sign something is up. Never ignore your intuition, but observe why you feel uncomfortable with things and figure out a way to feel happy again.

No one's forcing you two to date, and it's okay to be a little bit uncomfortable sometimes while adjusting to another person. Just don't get swept up in something you're not sure about. If you feel less than 60% compatible, I'd be searching for a reason why and either fix it or split for better mates-- that goes for both of you.

I adore the initial dating phase. Talking for hours, getting to figure someone out. Maybe even cuddle after a few weeks, if I'm lucky. I'm not big on marriage before sex, but I am big on making sure myself and my partner feel safe. I feel like too many people date just to bang and then worry about falling in love later, riding the lust high at the start.

I'm not going to claim I know what he's after. All I'm saying is he's made you feel unsure about it all, and that in and of itself is already worth addressing. We date to be happy

[Saramad_Hill]

No comment about putting myself down, it's totally a thing and I'll probably do it again in the future. I appreciate the compliment but... it's for the best if we don't do that again. It makes me feel bad, ya know? It's a can of worms, for real.

[Asker]

Basically the first conversation we ever had on text he said he wants to cuddle. He said over the phone I’m not gonna ask you what your favourite colour is now am I.

He says he’s been sexually active since young and that ‘I need to sort that out’ as in he wants to be more open with it too. That’s what I don’t get, he knows I’m waiting till after marriage, so if sex is such a big thing to him why is he continuing with me?

He didn’t try anything in the first date we just held hands. He just said over call that before our second date he likes back massages and neck kisses. Yeah I think some things he’s said are quite out there.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s what I didn’t understand, like if he’s inviting me over at 12pm when would I actually leave? Or know when to leave. Also how does he even know we would get a long for so many hours? We don’t know each other that well yet and having a woman over for like 10 hours is a bit much 🤷🏽‍♀️ he did mention over call that if he was seeing a girl he would want to stay in 4 times and like 2 times go out. He’d want to wind down his week with her.

Yeah I made my boundary pretty clear. That’s why I get confused when he’s still continuing to pursue it. Does he think I will change my mind. He is slowly bringing in minor sexual stuff like neck kisses etc and he didn’t try anything on the first date.

Yeah definitely I think it’s important to know if we’re compatible etc. he has made me unsure and I am thinking I need to know what’s best for me moving forward.

[Asker]

We went on a long walk, ate food & long drive on first date. He said he was running out of ideas and invited me to his after. He said he just wanted to spend time with me

[Saramad_Hill]

Well, I didn't have sex (or even truly date) until I was twenty, and my first cuddle was magical as a result, so I still hold those in high regard. I'm not saying it's bad to be a sexual person, it's bad to force it onto someone either strongly or subtly.

But yeah, after reading all that, just based off the things you've said, it sounds like these dates have not gone extremely well. They seem "okay" or maybe even a bit leaning towards bland. And the little slip-ups on what he's said are already sus.

Yeah, maybe it's true all he wanted is to spend time with you, but the words he's said don't really seem to lend credence to that outcome.

It seems you two both want to go about things in totally different ways. It doesn't make either of you "bad," just... seems a bit incompatible in my outsider's opinion.

And showing up at someone's house in the afternoon when you're not already an established couple seems a bit excessive. I mean, it would make more sense if you're both going on a hike as a date (also a little odd, considering you'd both be awkwardly alone together) but, yeah.

At any rate, you seem on the fence about it, leaning towards going your own way. I'd really take a moment and consider to yourself if what you've seen so far is someone you'd want to settle down with. Maybe he's not exactly matured yet? I mean, I was still cringe when I was 25. And I'm still cringe even now. But at least I know a bit more about what I'd want, and also how to read someone else when they're not comfortable.

[Saramad_Hill]

The dates you went on sound standard enough, I think you both have different ideas of what romance is, though. Like, it's fine to run out of ideas, planning everything alone isn't always easy. He could've potentially asked you what you'd want to do, or Google something interesting nearby.

Either way, the only thing you *can* be sure of is how you feel. And right now it seems like you're feeling confused, or maybe even a little off-put now that you've been reflecting on it all. Maybe talk to him about it, communicate your feelings, and work something out. And if that fails (which, it may) then... you have your answer.

[Saramad_Hill]

Anyway... That's all the advice I can think to offer for now. If you have any other questions feel free to ask them here, or through a message. And if not, that's okay as well.

Listen to your heart on it, and communicate with your date. Maybe he'll have some sort of alternative idea, or answer. Just take care of yourself-- not in a selfish way, of course. Everyone deserves to be happy, it's just really hard to find it. And even harder to find someone to go along with you on that journey.

Take care.

[Asker]

Aw okay that’s cute. I think everyone has a very different timeline of when they’ve had their first experiences with dating etc. cuddling is nice and especially with someone you really like.

I totally agree and the reason for why the dates have gone like that may be because he has a totally different perception of what he wants and I have a total different perception of what I want.
The slip ups are considering he knows how anxious I was the night before when he was talking about the sexual stuff 🤷🏽‍♀️

I think it led on to the date being a bit bland because I wasn’t completely myself and he also wasn’t completely himself. I agree he literally talks a lot more about sexual stuff.

I agree I do see the incompatiblity. I just don’t get how he doesn’t see it? Like we definitely have been talking about different things etc. he asked me if I’m an affectionate person and I said I definitely am once I’m comfortable with someone.

I said I would be sexual with someone I really like and more open to it and he goes that’s what I want babe for you to just be more open minded with it in general

[Asker]

Yeah it’s literally mad how on earth could anyone be comfortable coming to someone’s house after only knowing them 2 weeks 🤷🏽‍♀️

I do really like him but then I be unsure. He’s 25 and I’m 28. I think in some sense he may be a bit childish. He told me he likes love hearts and kiss emojis and if I can send them him I only send the love hearts no kisses yet.

Yeah I think honestly it was just awkward because of the night before we kind of argued & I wasn’t even going to come. On the day there was such a delay and I got there 2 hours late!! Which I very well apologised for but it was out of my control with an incident that happened on the road. So we were both feeling different things.

Yeah I think I definitely acknowledge that we’re both very different. However if we can come to an understanding it could possibly work. He says there needs to be compromises which are made etc

[Asker]

Thank you so much I really appreciate you taking the time out and replying to me. I will do and you also take really good care of yourself. ☺️

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that does seem like a mixed bag of signals from this guy! A few possibilities:

- He seemed nervous/awkward maybe because he likes you and wanted things to go well. Putting his arm around you is a good sign!

- The random glancing could just be him checking you out/making sure you're comfortable. But being so quiet is odd.

- Was he tired? Sometimes when people are low energy they get shy. But then again offering the movie invites energy!

- Maybe he really is just an introvert deep down and gets exhausted being "on" for dates.

I'd say give it one more chance if you like him. Tell him communication needs to be more open though. His goal should be making you feel at ease, not anxious! See how the next one goes. If still off, might not be a match. But those lovestruck gazes are promising at least! Fingers crossed he opens up.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

This was well-written, felt like I was reading a romance pocketbook again lolz. My answer is because he finds you attractive.

Anyways, you would prefer a man that you like glancing at you than never.. right? ; )

[spartan55]

What were you confused about?