Did I mess up by calling him out?

[Anonymous]

We promised to stay in touch, because he wanted to see me again. I agreed, but eventually decided to cut things due to one-sidedness. He told me he didn't want to lead me on, and I called him out on wanting to keep in touch and causing hurt. He has stopped responding altogether now. I fear I completely messed up, I hate how I handled this. Are there any possibilities he might reach out? We were in touch for 8 weeks. I'm so sad.

[ProbablyClueless]

Yeah, you totally fumbled the ball in that situation... You're just wildly overestimating the relationship and your expectations reflect that.

Y'all were only in touch for 8 weeks and THAT was how you chose to handle things? You're just doing too much. It's way too much intensity for whatever you had with him was. At MOST you're just barely starting to kind of talk about getting to know each other in a situation like that, but you're expecting a level of attention and devotion that's more in line with people who are already in a relationship.

I mean, good lord; just the concept of one-sidedness and somehow "causing hurt" in an interaction that short is mind blowing to me. You're over here acting like you've been dating this person for 6 months to a year. I'm getting the second hand creeps from here just because I've known so many women who do this.

[Asker]

I've never dated anyone, I don't know how to act... I overthink a lot and I told him that too. But I understand it's a problem. I haven't figured it out myself either

[ProbablyClueless]

Don't beat yourself up over it! Life is a journey. All you can do is try to learn from the situation and try to improve your interactions with men in the future. Lots of women (even ones with a lot more experience) do what you did.

For whatever reason, a lot of women expect to be a man's priority super early on in an interaction, and it just doesn't line up with what's realistic. I'm sure there are good reasons for women to do that, but it's really crazy to being on the receiving end of in dating.

I might be talking with a woman who has had 2 or 3 relationships and 3 weeks in, she'll get pissed that I'm not texting her every day. You have to remember that the person you're dating has just met you and is living their own life.

[Asker]

I understand. He later explained that he didn't want to lead me on, so he would ignore things or take a long time to respond, saying he didn't think he would see me again. It upset me, because he asked to stay in touch - hoping to see me again and I didn't understand why he would ask to keep contact if the desire to meet in the future wasn't even there. We live on different continent and English isn't my first language... sometimes I think I've misunderstood him due to a language barrier im not well aware off. I just hate that we parted on such bad terms, when he was so sweet the entire time. I didn't mean to be hurtful or confrontational... I've just been extremely confused.

[strateguy632]

Yep that was a turn off after he was careful not to lead you on.

But he didn't want you anyway so no big deal.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, you may have overreacted or misjudged the situation.