Haven’t heard back from him after a while?

[Anonymous]

So, some background details. I just recently started dating a guy. We hit it off great. Have been super chatty at times via text as well and he’s opened up a lot to me. All of a sudden he got sick and had to cancel a date. Of course, his communication kind of got off understandably. I’d check in every few days. Then, apparently after a week he was feeling down because his mother’s bday was recent (she passed away years ago). I’ve been supportive and said I’m here if he needs anything. A few days later I asked him if he would like to get together later in the week and to let me know either way. He hasn’t responded in a couple of days. I’m confused in if he has lost interest or if simply he needs space. I just wish he would have communicated a yes or no rather than no response

Updates

1 y

He did respond to my check-ins. Hasn’t responded to me asking to meet up later this week after mentioning that he has been feeling depressed and usually does this time of the year

[HollyK21]

If I were you I’d be done with that situation. I totally understand how disappointing it can be when a connection you hoped would work ultimately doesn’t. Still, there has to come a time where you differentiate between being understanding vs excusing things that you know you shouldn’t. Like him being sick, do his hands just stop working for days on end? He can’t give you a call or check in at some point in the week to respond? He just doesn’t want to talk, or at least it’s not a priority. So you’re better off without him.

[Asker]

He did respond when I checked in with him while he was sick. It has only been after I asked him if he would like to get together, that he has been silent

[HollyK21]

If you hadn’t checked in, when would he have? That’s kind of my point here, he’s not taking initiative when he totally can. In my opinion that situation will become bleak if it hasn’t already, talking every few days and mainly that’s if you reach out. It should be both of you trying, don’t you think?

[Asker]

Well, it was that way until he got sick and depressed recently. He was actually very attentive before until just recently. So, I’m just wondering if this is a phase that will pass or not. I understand sometimes depression makes people act a certain way (he did mention to me earlier that he has been depressed for a while due to his loss).

[HollyK21]

It just sounds like you are doing a lot of accommodating/excusing, and if that’s what you’re doing when you only recently even started dating the guy then you will always find yourself letting him (or any other man) get away with bad behavior.

Trust me I understand great loss, but I also understand that I’m in a whole relationship and I shouldn’t tap out whenever I feel sad or depressed. The same thing will happen when I have kids or other responsibilities that I don’t just get to check out from.

Do you think this man can just put his job, social life or responsibilities on hold because he’s sad about his loss? Not at all, and I think you know he’s not doing that either, so why can’t he check in? Same goes for being sick, does that take away from his ability to warm some food, take a piss, use his thumbs? It takes literal seconds before going right back into sick-person sleep to be like ‘hey I’m still not feeling good but wanted to check in’. You know that’s not impossible and you’re just going with his excuses.

If he wanted to he would, and he doesn’t. That’s why there’s no conversation if you don’t reach out and you’re basically having to chase him. Be better than that, you are worth chasing or trying for too, even if you don’t always remember that.

[SueShe]

Needing space usually means that the person has lost interests.

It is very common nowadays to ghost people that one is no longer interested in and to give weak excuses rather than to be honest and straight forward.

If you are no longer interested, then say it up front and don't go beating around the bush. That is cowardly and shows a total lack of respect for that person.

Your best bet would be simply to forget about that unreliable person as he seems to be playing with your feelings and leaving you in a distressed mental state. You could also give him an ultimatum and see how he takes it. Good luck.

[Avicenna]

Contact him and see how he’s doing

[Anonymous]

End it. Move on!

[In_Trance]

Move on