Girls, Would you stay friends with ex who offered friendship but was unkind during break up?

[Anonymous]

Guy I was dating for a bit broke up but said we can be friends. When I told him I don’t want to be friends and was trying to resolve his misunderstanding so he can reconsider his decision to break up, he said few very unkind things to me and then at one point, he looked sad that I didn’t want to stay friends and told me he still talks to his other exes. Should I consider his friendship or just go no contact?

Yes

No

Other opinion. Please leave comment to explain

[PaigeMiller042]

No. This person is going to sabotage your future relationships, especially if you made the stupid decision to try and chase a brat (from a wealthy family). They'll essentially make it impossible to get in future relationships with other people whenever they have the chance, try to sabotage your social reputation with others, and God forbid you had children with them; You're going to be a single mother for a very long time, maybe even life. Once any man learns about your past and sees your baggage they're going to run off purely because men are looking for peace and feeling appreciated. If they have to meet your childish ex boyfriend, they'll likely have confrontations with them.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing your opinion. It means a lot. He is 38 years old and has an immature side even though he is a scholar.

After he broke up, I tried to discuss with him so he can see it were only minor misunderstandings that we had which could be solved easily. He didn’t want to reconsider. Then I told him that “you said we can be friends. I’m going to take 2-3 months to cool off to forget you”. Then he said he was ok if I didn’t want to stay friends. I again tried to convince him politely to reconsider his decision but then he went on to say things like “can’t you see I’m rejecting you”,
“I had to drag myself to meet you”,
“I never felt anything while kissing or getting intimate with you”,
“ok, I’ll stay with you then I’ll find someone better than you and then leave you, is that what you want?”
“With hookups, I tell them to take their clothes and get out but with you there was some care”

After he said all that, I left his place. I didn’t say anything while leaving. When I was leaving he said “thanks, see you in 5 years”. We dated for about 5 weeks and most of the effort came from my side. I was nice to him always. I went no contact after break up and it’s been few weeks.

His harsh words stopped me from reaching out to him and accept his offer of friendship. I still think if I did the right thing. I’ll be grateful if you can share your opinion on this. Did I do the right thing by walking away?

[HollyK21]

Tbh I’m not sure what to make of the fact that he keeps in touch with all his exes, never heard that one before. In any case I wouldn’t do it if I were you because you still have romantic feelings. You need space/time to detach so you can heal and maybe you can be friends down the road. But honestly who needs friends like this?

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing your opinion. He seemed pretty sad that I didn’t want to be friends. I’ve decided to go no contact. Honestly after he said hurtful things to me during last break up talk, I don’t think he can be a friend even. No friend does that.

[HollyK21]

I think you are making the best choice!

[Asker]

Thank you. I am glad to hear that. I was really confused and didn’t want to make a wrong decision. I’m glad I could turn to supportive women like you here and got the guidance I needed. My best wishes to you!

[HollyK21]

Awe no problem at all! Besides, when you think of what a true friendship consists of he probably wouldn’t check any of those boxes lol

[Asker]

True that! I also had a not so good experience with him while dating but I had got attached to him. Now that I’ve thought things through, I’m glad he broke things off. Such is life I guess. We learn by making mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Nope. An ex is an ex for a reason, no matter how amicable the breakup was I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay friends with an ex (unless you have kids together). It might cause you problems when you’re starting to date again later on. I think at the very best you can still be cordial with him but better to set clear boundaries.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing your opinion. I’ve decided to go no contact. Honestly after he said hurtful things to me during last break up talk, I don’t think he can be a friend even. No friend does that.

[Opinion Owner]

Yess I’m proud of you! You deserve to be treated with respect, and you’re right, no friend would say hurtful things to you out of spite. I hope you get to move on and heal from this xx

[Asker]

Thank you for your kind words! I send good vibes your way!

[Jessica405]

No point in staying friends. It is always a reminder of what might have been. Forget him and find a new guy.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing your opinion. I’ve decided to go no contact. Honestly after he said hurtful things to me during last break up talk, I don’t think he can be a friend even. No friend does that.

[Nikki1989]

The unkind part might be a dealbreaker.

[Asker]

After he broke up, I tried to discuss with him so he can see it were only minor misunderstandings that we had which could be solved easily. He didn’t want to reconsider. Then I told him that “you said we can be friends. I’m going to take 2-3 months to cool off to forget you”. Then he said he was ok if I didn’t want to stay friends. I again tried to convince him politely to reconsider his decision but then he went on to say things like “can’t you see I’m rejecting you”,
“I had to drag myself to meet you”,
“I never felt anything while kissing or getting intimate with you”,
“ok, I’ll stay with you then I’ll find someone better than you and then leave you, is that what you want?”
“With hookups, I tell them to take their clothes and get out but with you there was some care”

After he said all that, I left his place. I didn’t say anything while leaving. When I was leaving he said “thanks, see you in 5 years”. We dated for about 5 weeks and most of the effort came from my side. I was nice to him always. I went no contact after break up and it’s been few weeks.

His harsh words stopped me from reaching out to him and accept his offer of friendship. I still think if I did the right thing. I’ll be grateful if you can share your opinion on this. Did I do the right thing by walking away?

[Flower7]

I wouldn’t be friends with any ex, especially a mean one.

[Asker]

Yes, I see it now. Thank you for sharing your advise! I’m going no contact and will ensure he doesn’t come back in my life unless he apologizes which I doubt he will. I also need to work on myself coz I shouldn’t have had to wonder if i can give him a chance despite his hurtful words. I’m glad you guided me and set me on the right path. I send good wishes your way!

[Anonymous]

Classic. He was breaking up to pursue another but wanted you there as backup

[Asker]

He had told me “we can be friends, but I don’t see and I don’t feel that we can be a couple”. Reason of break up given to me was that he didn’t feel romantically attached enough and that everything else was fine. Do you still think he offering friendship was a way to keep me as an option?

[Opinion Owner]

Absolutely. Maybe slip into your bed.

[Asker]

Got it, thank you for helping me understand.

[Sinemm]

Nope

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing your opinion. I’ve decided to go no contact. Honestly after he said hurtful things to me during last break up talk, I don’t think he can be a friend even. No friend does that.

[Anonymous]

I would not