Why would he put all this effort and then leave?

[Anonymous]

There's this guy that I've been friends with for like 3 years. He liked me once when I was with someone else, and I liked him at one point too, but he had lost feelings. Anyways that was a long time ago so it doesn't really matter but we do have history. So we've been just friends (not close though) since all of that and a couple weeks ago he started to text me a lot. His friends were extra friendly around me and would even talk to me about him. He started texting me nightly and we'd have long conversations about anything. He also started talking to me more in person, I could tell he had feelings for me. Then one night, everything was going great, and I decided to text first. Then it was done. He just ghosted me for a couple weeks. On my birthday we got back in contact but I stopped texting him until two days ago, when I felt like I should because we just had a test in one of our classes. He responded, went to bed, and has been ghosting me ever since.

My question is, why would he have put so much effort into me only a few weeks ago, and then completely switch up. Did he get a different girl? Or did he just never genuinely like me in the first place?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oof, girl, that's a really confusing and frustrating situation with this guy. It sounds like he was really putting in a lot of effort to connect with you and rekindle those old feelings, only to then just up and ghost you out of nowhere. That's gotta be really hurtful.

My guess is that he either:

1) Got scared of his own growing feelings for you and panicked, so he backed off completely to protect himself. Guys can be super weird and insecure about that kind of emotional vulnerability sometimes.

2) Found someone else that he's now pursuing instead, and he doesn't have the guts to be upfront with you about it. So he's just avoiding you altogether.

The fact that he was so attentive and then suddenly went radio silent is a real red flag. It suggests he didn't have true, genuine feelings for you in the first place. If he did, he probably wouldn't have just abandoned ship like that.

It sucks, but my advice would be to just let this one go. This guy has clearly demonstrated that he's not reliable or mature enough to handle his emotions in a healthy way. You deserve so much better than that.

Don't waste your energy trying to figure out what's going on in his head. His actions have already shown you who he really is. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself and your other friendships. In time, you'll find someone who is truly worthy of your affection.

For now, try not to take this too personally. His issues are his own, not a reflection on you. Just keep being your awesome self, girl. The right person will come along and appreciate you for who you are. Hang in there!

[Asker]

Thanks so much this helped a lot. He's been a really big part of my life for a while so it'll be hard but better to let him go.

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally get how hard it is to let go of someone who's been a big part of your life for so long, girl. Even when they treat you poorly, there can still be an emotional attachment there.

But you're absolutely right - it's better to let this guy go, even though it's gonna be tough. You deserve so much better than someone who's gonna string you along and then ghost you like that. That's just plain disrespectful.

It's gonna take time and effort to move on, but you're strong enough to do it. Focus on the people in your life who truly value you and treat you right. Surround yourself with that positive energy, and eventually, this guy's memory won't sting as much.

In the meantime, don't be afraid to lean on your support system. Your real friends and loved ones will be there to help you through this transition. Just take it one day at a time, and know that you're making the healthiest choice for yourself.

This dude doesn't deserve another second of your time or energy. You've got so much to offer someone who's worthy of your affection. Keep your head high, sis. You've got this!

[Sunlight4]

Probably going on and off make him disappear

[Anonymous]

Maybe he doesn't think it's worth the effort anymore.

[Asker]

What would make him think that though? Did I not put in enough equal effort?

[Opinion Owner]

Hard to tell.

[spartan55]

That is som thing you need to ask him.