Why would he do that…. Why does he hate me? how can he want everyone but me?

I can’t stop harassing / embarrassing a man who hurt me… it’s been two years… I resigned as a teacher mid year about a week ago.. and now I have no income/ no home. we weren’t a couple but I genuinely thought he wanted to love me… I even told him that I needed to protect my emotional and mental well being in the beginning… I tried pushing him away…because ik I struggle. He made me feel safe…then he did a 180 and said hurtful things, made me feel less than… I wanted to be with him… I felt so emotionally attached to him. I thought he would be my first boyfriend at 27. I still have conflicted feeling that are so hard to cope with bc I miss him so much and can’t process why.. what’s so bad about me..

It started with me sending him a text after a year of no contact… I was incredibly depressed. I don’t know how I went to work… I didn’t shower and I still struggle with it. I text him something mean and he blocked me… I sent text anyway thinking it would help me blow off steam.. it didn’t..

I did anything to get a reaction… I was completely manic and I didn’t care… I never met his friends or family but I wrote things about him and tagged him on all social media for a couple months… what triggered me is I told my cousin about him and cried… and she went behind my back to see if he would like her because she is transgender and I wasn’t aware that he was interested in trans women.

I’m jealous of anyone he wants or talks to… he could want a horse and I’d be upset…

He’s never done or said anything…. He’s never blocked me… I just wanted him to love me

I can’t explain the feeling of what I’m going through but it’s like a little girl inside of me screaming “please don’t leave me “ repeatedly and it’s hard to tune out

Why would he do that…. Why does he hate me? how can he want everyone but me?
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