Guys, have you ever pushed someone away even though you liked them?

[Anonymous]

There’s a guy I’ve known for years and we’ve always had a complicated connection. He’s opened up a lot to me lately — about childhood trauma, commitment fears, and feeling like he’ll never be good enough for someone. He says things like

“I don’t think I’ll ever make you happy.”

“I’m not good at showing when I care about someone.”

“I ruin everything.”

But then also says he misses me, wants to hold me, and talks about us being together.

He’s hot and cold. Sometimes deeply vulnerable, then he ghosts or avoids me. He says it’s not my fault — that he’s the problem, but it’s confusing and hurts. He talks about how his mom hurt his dad and how that left scars.

I’m wondering — have any of you guys done this kind of thing before to someone you actually liked? If so, why? And did you eventually come back around or open up?

Really looking for honest male perspective, not judgment. Just trying to understand what’s going on emotionally behind the silence.

[spartan55]

That's not how guys operate. If it seems like we are only half involved it means you are someone to pass time, boost our ego. We may like you, but not enough to get serious.

[Asker]

Yeah, so I sent him a message “ So to be very very honest and clear broken or not if you're half involved then tbvh then it's just for an ego boost or "someone to just pass time with " if you get it. If you cared you'd see me you'd stop leading me on ghosting and the like. And I didn’t say that to be cruel — I said it because I care, and I’ve been hurting. But I also know you’re dealing with a lot. Just be real with me — that’s all I’ve ever needed“

[spartan55]

Okay, I don't understand how you can claim he is 'leading you on' when he never wanted a commitment from you to begin with. YOU signed up for this. He knows he can bullshit around you pestering him about a relationship. It's not complicated at all. He gets what he wants for free, and can get it from whoever else he wants too.

[serious]

I have never liked a woman in the first place. However, yes in general I like to maintain certain distance from people.

[Tempest_Flame]

you're wasting your time on someone broken and you're already kinda old...

[Asker]

Eww troll you're 41

[Tempest_Flame]

I'm still more attractive than a late 20s girl

[Anonymous]

Yes, but it was by accident.