Have you ever pushed away someone you love, (including but not limited to romantic love)? If so, do you know why?

[VIVANT]

Yes I have and I think the reason is because…

Yes but I don't know why I did it…

No.

No but I’ve been on the receiving end…

Updates

4 mo

Jeez 🤦🏻‍♀️

•HAVE YOU EVER PUSHED AWAY SOMEONE YOU LOVE•

not “pushed with” 😆

Updates

4 mo

So many answers here are so good and I hate having to choose only two, and I hate having to choose so quickly bc of course I like to see more answers. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks you for answering this question it’s really interesting to see how many different incentives people have convince themselves of for the very same action. I love that you really get into the details of being human. 🙏🏼

[Lliam]

We lived together for over a year and it was idyllic. She was the first girlfriend I ever loved with ever fiber of my being. And she loved me. At least she wanted to love me. But she was dealing with things from the past that I couldn't imagine. I knew she had trust issues. I didn't fully grasp that she was trying heroically to have a normal life. She was trying to trust me.

But something inside me told me that I couldn't trust her to stick with me through thick and thin for the rest of our lives.

One day we had a quarrel over something I had done, not to her. She was just disappointed with me and I didn't know why she was making a big deal out of it. I didn't handle it well. I imagined that she was breaking up with me. I thought it was proof that she wouldn't stick with me through thick and thin.

I wound up packing up the clothes and things I had at her house and went back to my apartment.

Being without her was the greatest pain I have experienced in my life.

She even tried to contact me and talk. But I pushed her away. I wanted to go back to her, but I was afraid that if I did we would only separate again at some point in the future, and I didn't think I could survive a second time.

It wasn't until years later that I realized that I was the one who actually broke up with her. She had probably felt as much pain as I did when I left her.

It was I who abandoned her because of my own insecurity. After all of the pain she had experienced in her life, it was I who caused her more pain. I reinforced her fear of abandonment and confirmed that men only wanted her for sex but couldn't be trusted to cherish her through thick and thin.

I should have fought for her and proved my love. Instead, what it looked like to her was, I discarded her like garbage after she had tried so hard and given me so much.

[Jamie05rhs]

This is a very deep and thoughtful reflection, @Lliam. I'm proud of you for being so vulnerable and honest.

[Lliam]

Thanks, Jamie, my good man.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome!

[OlderAndWiser]

Lliam, that's truly a touching and insightful story. Did you ever have any contact with her afterwards?

[Lliam]

@OlderAndWiser. I did.
I had never ever forgotten about her. Then, about 20 years after we separated, and 16 years after I had been married to my wife, she found me on Facebook. We even spoke on the phone a few times. Her voice made my heart swell. We also emailed just to chat. She was living out of state near her son and mother and had never remarried.
I was overjoyed to be in touch with her, and know that she was well.

About five years passed when I read that she had died from a sudden medical problem at the age of 55. The news shattered me. A bright light in the world was extinguished.

Even though I love and cherish my wonderful wife, Petra still has a place in my heart. I will always love her and will never forget her.

[OlderAndWiser]

You DID ask an ambiguous question to an audience that is predisposed to see an X-rated motive in everything said.

Yes, I had a two year relationship with a woman who was a good match for me in many ways. We both had law degrees, both worked in the state lesgislature in the past, practiced in the same community, had many friends in common, both love college football, jazz, walking, animals, and other interests. I fell in love with her but she never fell in love with me. She liked me, we dated exclusively for two years, we spend almost every weekend together. . . but she didn't love me. And that is absolutely essential for me, so I broke up with her. I was honest with her about my reasons and I ended the relationship. I saw her twice in the next six months; once, to return some of her possessions, and at Christmas I had tickets I had purchased for us before the breakup. But there was no reconciling because nothing was different.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

I should have added that, in retrospect, breaking up with her was a very good thing to do for myself and, eventually, was a boost to my self-esteem.

Oh, there was a third time I had contact with her. A colleague saw her profile on a dating site, knew that I had dated her for two years, and thought it would be funny to arrange a first date and "prank" her. I thought that would be a very unfunny and even mean thing to do, so I called her to warn her about the guy.

I occasionally hear a snippet of news about her from a mutual friend, but I don't solicit information about her. There's no point in doing that and, most importantly, I am in love with my fiancée.

[razelove]

I have done that multiple times. I've only had it happen to me once, and both situations can be painful. Anyway, when I pushed a couple other women away even though I was feeling strongly for them, mostly it was because they didn't have their shit together in a way I'd want to be in an LTR, and they were pushing in that direction.

You can love spending time with someone, sleeping with them, and once they leave a toothbrush at your house realize It's over. I think when I got ditched by a woman I was seeing regularly and long term, it was because she had me meet her family, but I didn't have myself together at that time. I was playing the field, working at clubs, I had all the bad boy points for getting laid down.

None of the good guy points that give a reason for being kept around once the puppy love is over though, at least not during that period of time. For women it was mostly being a single parent, not having a job, basically no sense of responsibility that would turn me off to taking them seriously for a LTR as opposed to casual regardless of feelings.

[iFarted]

I've pushed away someone I was extremely infatuated with, but I can't say I loved.

We both worked at our family businesses on the same block. I saw her every morning when I'd stop by for coffee and a donut or breakfast sandwich. We got to know each other very well, her parents loved me and her mom always jokingly told her and I to date. I was smitten for like two years until time changed us both. As the time went by I started to learn more about myself like what type I like in a romantic partner and she just wasn't it. She's an amazing person but our lifestyle and what we wanted in life just didn't align. There was one night I had a kickback at my place and she stayed til the very end, made some late night food and led me to my room. I declined the offer, slept in the same bed but didn't go through with the boom boom time.

I knew if I went through with it, my attraction would only grow strong for her. That just couldn't happen because I know in the end we wouldn't work...

[Jamie05rhs]

^THIS right here is a good man!

[iFarted]

@Jamie05rhs Right on man, I appreciate that.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome!

[NathanDavis]

glad I read the update first... lol

have I pushed someone away? yes I did a little bit of that at first, but not enough... and it was back in high-school, we had fallen for each other I admit that now, lol

but I was not ready at all, I wasn't ready to open up and to be feel this "vulnerable" and I also didn't feel like "exposing' someone else to my "personal burdens" I did not want to share that, and I didn't want to make them their burdens too but

I didn't push her away too much nor I distanced myself too far... sooner rather than later, we got together anyway... and long story short, it's been wonderful since, and she's one my best and great friends today

[AmeerX]

Only if they were already taken. And my heartbreaks were actually like that except 1. Girl would tell me she is engaged on the day or before I am about to confess.

What else can I do? Those ride or die girls are only in movies and stories I suppose. I suppose I am a hopeless romantic 😌 because one day I am getting a girl like that 😊.

What good is a man's love if when I tell her I will stand and not abandon and very next day she is going ghosting and backing out of her words. Sorry no thanks I don't want cheap people in costumes of high class to tell me they know what love is

[Kreneman]

Yes I have with my female friend because she was married (Newlyweds) and I had to push her away because we couldn't hang out like that (Going to the clubs, having dinner, and holding hands) no more like we use to but we still stay in contact (Once in a blue moon) as good loving friends.

[MotherEarth2020]

Humanearth says: Yes he has, back when he was in his 20s

[VIVANT]

Hiiii 👋🏻 💜💜💜💕
How are you guys 🤗

[roxy_362]

I think (hope) I never pushed away someone I love. Perhaps it's easier to realize it when it's done to ourselves, as I can find a few examples of it from my life. The biggest impact was left by the love of my life who went away after a short but intense affair when we both were married, but in delusion. So, I can see why she pushed me away when push came to shove, but it has been very hard to accept and adapt to for many years.

[smne35]

Can you please, be more specific when you say push with someone, do you mean physically pushed them out what

[Ms_Facesitter]

Yes, because she drove me into a depression and would try to do that again and again. Not that it was her goal to. It was just the behavior and showing no signs of changing her ways.

[menina]

No, I've never done that. However, it's something I thought about doing in a certain situation with a certain kind of person...

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I was told by many that I could have had a chance with a woman, but my low self-esteem keeps telling me different.

[systemsareyo]

I'm sure people fight all the time with people they love, whether they argue with their own relatives or they've argued with the family dog/goldfish/cat/rabbit even lol. 🥳🎉

[systemsareyo]

"love" - go figure aye? 😃😲

[MysticDevice]

I did once. Girl I was dating. She cheated, felt terrible, and asked for another chance. I wanted to give her that chance cause I liked her so much but I ended up not doing it and went my own way.

[Sevenpointfive]

i push everyone away. don't take it personally

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Germophobic may be!

[Sevenpointfive]

@Aakash_Hangargi i tend to see the flaws in people and why i shouldn't like them over the good in them. TBH people are not good and some have flaws and some are tolerable until you get to know them.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Agreed same with me lol the far the better

[Crankor]

Yah if you know there's things that make it very impractical for your well being into the future. I have and always will

[bobalife]

Yeah, I’d distance myself in some way or form because I’d wanna protect myself from being hurt..

[TonyMetal___86]

I don't think so skyscrapper girl, in my whole life i think that i have only loved twice 😄

[sawno]

Been on the receiving end due to long distance issues, but I don't push those away I love.

[DreamLife7]

Why would you push? If you're pushing that means they don't like you lol

[Anonymous]

30 years old and still doing it. I guess an alcoholic father with a suicidal mother and foster care will do that to a man.