Have you ever pushed someone away who you truly wanted to be with due to depression or extreme stress/sadness? Did they lose interest or are they sad?

[DermalPunch]

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

I have been on both sides. :'(
It is sad for both sides.
There is a reason for the push.
The mind needs to find solid ground AND it needs to find solid people. Anyone who is not solid in those chaotic moments is just more debris in your tornado. Someone who is sound, sheltering and sincere is going to be your only help.
This is why seeking council will be your best bet. 99.999999999999% of us don't know what the @#@@$ we are doing. And personally just controlling myself is an all consuming task. So a councilor who can see right to the hidden problems is exponentially more useful.
When rejected its good to accept that and continue to actually focus on showing love. Always show love and respect. I have been treated most horribly. I want to be a kind loving, respectful person. So I do not let, if I can control myself at all, rejection, projection and dejection make me forget that.
That being said when I was overloaded I pushed people away and was a bitter cloud of noxious gas ready to blow up at the lightest spark. I cried for no reason in the onlookers eyes. I had a scowl that physically drove people away. Anyone who was not sincere was verbally raped. I have a piercing sharp tongue with sharp quick intellect to make it a horribly accurate weapon. I have done my best to probe the truth in people and help them see their value. But sadly I used it to expose their core failings in a harsh vicious way.
Only the solid can withstand such an onslaught. And I am grateful beyond words, emotions, and understanding for such precious people. And for the rest who are so forgiving.

[DermalPunch]

Thank you. Very helpful. I am dealing with someone who is still grieving the death of their father. A young man who is trying to make they way in life. He was in a physical fight with a friend who he owes mo ey to. His mom is menopausal and he often has to look after his nephew.

We are in a romantic relationship and he said he wants to marry in midsummer and is really desperate for a baby with me. He keeps posting stoires of his friends who are getting married and having kids.

He said he needed space which I automatically took as cheating. He came to me and was crying in my arms about it all.
I just held him and listened and said a few things he appreciated.
Later, I told him I loved him I believed in him, that I was here for him and that he can win this. He just said thank you for everything to me.

But he hasn't been reaching out to me really for some time. And the I love yous and pet names are gone. He really doesn't sound so well.

But I have my own idiosyncrasies. I am highly distrustful and have a lot of abandonment fears. This relationship has been helping me to really work those out and look at myself. But it's also been a rollercoaster from bith inside and outside factors.

He can be flakey (I think it has to do with his age more than anything) but if he promises me something he doesn't break it.

So based in this am I more debris in the tornado or sound loving and sincere. Do you think I should reach out to him? Or is he just trying to get rid of me without actually havung to dump me?

[DermalPunch]

He said I deserve everything and to have patience with him.

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

This sounds much like a grieving process. He needs to go through those steps.
Perhaps this story will help both of you.
When I was dealing with all my junk a friend not only recommended I see a counselor he DEMANDED I did. He drove me to the office and I made an appointment. He drove me to the first appointment.
O M G!!! That woman flipped on a @$^$%&$@ing light in just a few moments.
Just like a mirror will help you see what is impossible on your own but is obvious to others, A councelor will do that AND give you hows and whys. You will laugh and cry when addressing the blaring unknowns and the bonk-on-the-head solutions.

If you don't both get some head sorting you are not going to be as useful as deep down you want to be for each other. Each get their own counselor but do it together.

[DermalPunch]

I just think he doesn't want me anymore. His dad died 5 years ago.

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

Don't think it. Know it, either way. And it doesn't matter in the big picture. You both need some head declutter. A clean mindspace is important. You can still help each other and find out what happens in the end.

[DermalPunch]

So he doesn't want me is what you are saying. I mean I don't want to ditch someone who is going through a rough patch but I don't want to stau emotionally invested in someone who is trying to slow fade me.

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

NO! that is NOT what I am saying. Sorry. Let me say that clearer.
Don't guess, speculate, interpret what you think is in his head. Know for sure, find out, ask, be absolutely sure.
Let him know if he needs headspace that you are there for him. You understand. You feel you need some sorting out too and you are going to seek a professional so its not guessed at but actually fixed. That you 2 can support each other while you each see your own canceler.

Sorry I keep spelling Counciler <-- a person in office or on a council.
Instead of counceler <-- a professional who can help people who can't see how to get out of a rut.

[DermalPunch]

Last time we saw one another he said he wants to get married this summer. I mean people don't want to believe that a someon would be so despicable as to string someone along in such a cruel manner but I don't put anything past anyone.

Anyway, it doesn't matter something doesn't feel. How to untie my so from him now.

[IJhonnyI]

Yea I have pushed away people due too a lot of personal reasons but to answer your questions yes I have pushed people I cared about

[DermalPunch]

Butnif you really loved a woman would you stop reaching out to her even if you were depressed?

[IJhonnyI]

I've had it before and if I really loved a women no I wouldn't cause I don't love women for no reason so the day that happens I will find any way to get to her

[DermalPunch]

Thank you!

[CallmeTheKnight]

I never did but It happened to me. She basically fell off the face of the Earth afterwards. 3 weeks later she pops back up, wanting to give it a shot. Didn't even apologize or told me what happened. I replied with the block button and never heard from her again.

The act itself is self destructive indeed.

[DermalPunch]

Oh yeah. That is wack. I mean more likenless communication. Not MIA. But yes.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I did this is a few years ago and I have regretted almost every day since. I intentionally sad and did things to make her less interested in me. Truth is I deeply loved her but I didn’t want to be in a relationship at the time. I felt like it would of been more devastating if I broke up with her first. So instead I made it easier for her to break up with me.

However in hindsight that was a huge mistake. I will never do that to someone again

[DermalPunch]

Yes, I was her this person before. Yeah don't do that again.. mmmkay. 🤗

[Opinion Owner]

I broke up with my last girlfriend the right way.

[DermalPunch]

You do a lot. of breaking up. Haha.

[NathanDavis]

nope, I did not push her away... but I became distant while being with her

but she was not having any of that, lol...

and she stuck with me for good and bad, for great and worse... we ended up a couple, and we are still best friends, even today

[DermalPunch]

Yes, he doesn't push but he is distant. Can you describe what she did?

[DermalPunch]

It's hard for me because he will laybin my arms shedding tears and telling me all the things going wrong. He tells me a lotnof private stuff because he knows I don't judge. Then he's very distant.

[NathanDavis]

well... these are complex questions/answers but I will try to simplify it

in our case, we were both way younger, and we were both troubled... but we had a few good great things going for us, while at the same time there were these dark clouds looming around, and for the both of us

basically, we cared for each other, and we focused on helping the other... instead of helping ourselves, but, since we were both doing it, that worked well for a while... and eventually we had to address and face our own issues for ourselves, which yes, was a lot of work and effort, but we were together and we made it work, it was very much worth the fight, for the both of us

and, in your case... I understand that it can be hard, and depending on what kind of situations he has going on, it is also important to see if he actually is ready to face them or to do something about it, and whether he has to do it alone and for himself, or if you can actually be of help

if he is in his late 30's and these situation has been going for long long years, then it could be things that are deeply rooted and settled, so he might feel like there is no escape to it, so he just would not want you trapped as well so maybe why he becomes distant, to keep you safe from that possible harm

[DermalPunch]

Yes, they are complex. I appreciate you taking the time. Maybe someone else may benefit from out exchange.

He is in his early 20s. He has said over and over he doesn't want to tell me about his issues. But eventually he did.

He wants to get married and I suspect he thinks having a kid with me is going to somehow make things all better for him. He also suffers from migraines.

I just feel pissed because hebleaves me on read but i see he is glued to his phone and is always online but never messages me anymore. Only responds.

Duebto circumstances, neither of us want the relationship public right now so it's hard to know if I am being used or not.

[NathanDavis]

well, from the little you said... I would be inclined to assure you that yes, he is using you

because he is not being considerate with you at all, and there are many signs of this

to think that leaving you pregnant is a solution is the absolute worst thing ever, that will not solve anything at all, and it is going to make it all worse for you, because he will get you trapped on this for a long long time and make you miserable as well

and that thing about not wanting to tell you, but then he tells you anyway... and also that thing about leaving you on read, making you wait, ignoring you on purpose... those are just ways to manipulative and try to control you, so this is not good either, this is one way to mold you into his tricky ways, so not good at all

now, the fact that he wants to keep this in the shadows or not public... that would only make it easier for him to gain control over you and manipulate you or trick you into all kinds of toxic behaviours and dynamics

so, I am telling you right now... this is not a person that wants to get better at all

this is a person that wants you miserable, and wants you trapped with them.. for whatever twisted reason, he will get more from making you harm, than making you any good at all, to you or to himself

my suggestion is to just let go... and keep your distance from him before he does way worse

[DermalPunch]

For the secret thing it's advantageous for the relationship for it to be that way. I keep it more secret than him, actually. His family and everyone knows about me and what not. There are other reasons.

Thanks for weighing in.

[NathanDavis]

the thing about is that... it can make you vulnerable when it isolates you

or it makes you fully responsible for everything, and that becomes a burden

and this is a burden that he places mostly on you, while he takes little care or responsibility for it

so far, is not a good pattern at all

the fact that he wants you married and pregnant as soon as possible, IN SPITE of all the tremendous issues he cannot deal with, that is the biggest problem in all this

[DermalPunch]

These are really good points to digest. I've only painted a part of the picture here. I guess I will jist do nothing?

[NathanDavis]

for now, do not marry nor have children with someone that is not capable of even taking care of himself at the moment

that would be the worst mistake

[DermalPunch]

Indeed!

[Crankor]

No but if there you feel like it's a form of a stalemate for whatever reason and you can move yourself forward then distancing is going to happen. To either one or both eventually

[Jltakk]

It wasn't romantic, just someone trying to help. I pushed them away because I was at my lowest. She gave up on me afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Currently and I don’t think he is sad he triggered a lot of underlying issues I didn’t know I needed to deal with tho. So there’s that. I kind of went psycho on him a couple of times and we’ve only been dating like 4 months and I broke up with him in the third month. Also gave him my v-card which probably wasn’t the best decision for my mental

[Anonymous]

No..