Guys, Is this normal for guys to do?

[Anonymous]

Is it normal for a guy who in the past was an alcholic and is now unemployed yet sober to wanna be stable, be able to have money, have a job and drive before he feels confident to start seeing a girl he likes? Is this a normal thing some men do, like maybe goal wise?

this is a situation I’m in currently by the way.

[236color]

If he's in recovery, frequently his sponsor may advise he not begin a relationship until he's more grounded in his sobriety.

[Asker]

I feel like he is he's driving with his step-dad and trying to get a job /return to the work force but it's been disheartening for him cause no one has gotten back to him and it's the longest he's gone without a job. He doesn't want me to be around a loser but we text often and things are getting better little by little he hopes by the end of yr he'll get a job or car. He says he's not himself without a job and when he's not doing well he let's me know like a couple months ago when he went to Salvation Army rehab for a little bit... ( don't know what they do though)

[Asker]

He's also admitted all he does is better himself and doesn't see anybody

[236color]

Oh dear, sounds like he's making all the right moves, but it's likely to be bumpy for him for a while. Your support can be helpful but don't tie his success or failure to your self esteem. Addiction is a terrible disease.

[Arcadian222]

Its normal and have been seen happening. However, actions speak louder than words. Its the same as "I will go to gym on Jan 1st resolution". Wait and watch if he shows sign to act on some of it and then move ahead. Rather be his motivation to do so. Otherwise, its just very good ambition.

[Anonymous]

That seems like a natural progression and good motivation to stay sober. Are you sure he is an acholic and do you know why he drinks?

[Asker]

Yes I know a bit of his drinking history he's only 27 he's a passout alcholic his dad has found him passed out on his roommates couch and has sent him to several rehabs like adult teen challenge, Salvation Army, AA etc. His family is broken and his mom was close to being homeless he's said that his mom and dad had married young, had him when they were young. His dad was in ministry and his mom felt like she never got to live her 20s. She started partying and trying to live life and travel. Meanwhile his dad was in his early 20s working 2 jobs to support him and and sister. The mom had an affair. But refused to let his dad divorce her and held his ministry life over his head. She kept the affair up, then one day she just left him his sister and my dad to go be young or some dumb shit. Had never heard his dad cry until then. His dad would cry every night and pray to God because he was angry, hurt and confused. He has never seen anything hurt my dad before, he was like his superman
The next year the same thing happened to his uncle and aunt. Aunt left his uncle so she could go be free cause she felt unsatisfied with him. The same thing happened with his uncle and aunt on my mom's side the same year. All he saw growing up was men be destroyed by their partners because they couldn't keep their wives happy.
Also the last person he was in love with was an old high school girlfriend they broke up back in like 2016/ 2017 that also destroyed him. Also he said about his mom constantly blaming it on my dad my whole life, when she was the one who left them in the first place. All his dad did was work to provide a good life for us.

[Asker]

*good life for him and his sister

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like he was dealt a bad hand. If you care about him, convince him to get therapy.

[spartan55]

Absolutely. I couldn't even think about having an SO if I didn't have a job and drive.

[Pterodon]

Yes. He wants to work on himself first. Nothing wrong with that. If you can’t wait then find someone else

[wolverin38]

There is a high probability that such habits will emerge again.

[wolverin38]

Maybe you can follow me to talk in detail

[Asgard356]

I got wants a girl to see him as stable and having self control

[Wise4myage]

That's very normal in my opinion.