How can I stop being a bundle of nerves around guys?

[OreosAreLit]

Hey!

My question is as follows: I get really nervous, stiff, and tense around guys…even ones i dont have an interest in! I become extremely quiet and retreat into myself. I'm kinda getting sick of thr exhaustion and pressure lol! Plus, my older brother usually has friends over and im so anxious to be liked by them but i end up just being superd quiet and stiff. Help!

Updates

9 mo

Sorry, meant to put this in Girl's Behavior!

[TrimmedTip]

First, breathe. Nerves around guys (especially your brother’s friends) are so normal at 16—your brain’s basically screaming, ‘What if they judge me?’ But here’s the cheat code:

Pretend they’re NPCs. Sounds silly, but if you act as if you’re already comfortable, your brain catches up. Smile, nod, and toss in a ‘Yeah, right?’ or ‘That’s wild’ to keep convo light.
Focus on them. Ask easy questions (‘How’d you meet my brother?’ / ‘Into any games or shows?’). People love talking about themselves, and it takes pressure off you.
Embrace the awkward. If you freeze, laugh it off: ‘Wow, my brain just blue-screened. Anyway—’ Humor disarms everyone.
It’ll get easier with practice—I promise. You’re not ‘too quiet,’ you’re just observant. And observant people make the best witticisms later. 💡

[OreosAreLit]

Oooh yeah, that's really good advice! Although honestly i find it hard to be open and genuine with them-like im constantly checking myself. Being genuine is important, but its almost like i slam up a wall whenever theyre around? I dunno. And ya, Idefinitely agree that humor disarms everyone! Unfortunately though my brain turns into a mushy clump of cells and im so busy making sure im not doing anything stupid that i can't really be humorous.
I definitely agree with a lot of what you said though, thanks for your time and advice!

[BadApple69]

The trick is to realize that nothing matters. Think about something you said a year ago, how about something you said 6 months ago? Those things don’t matter now. You’ve forgotten them and so did everyone else. If you went up to a boy and said something totally dumb… it would be forgotten relatively quickly.
Here is what you need to do…. When at the grocery store waiting in the checkout line. Talk to people. At the bus stop, in the streets…. Talk to people.
Get comfortable talking to people.
I do this all the time and some people won’t talk back… that’s their loss. Don’t be discouraged…. Practice this and you’ll have no problem talking to boys.

[OreosAreLit]

Hmm…thats an interesting strategy! I suppose that works for many people, but personally i find it hard to even hold a conversation with a guy! It's been getting a bit easier, but all my friends have guy friends and even boyfriends and i can't help comparing…even if I know that comparison is the thief of joy and all that lol!

[BadApple69]

Well you are holding a conversation with me right now… and you know what? I’m a boy 😉 at least I was this morning (last I looked.) this isn’t hard.
What are you comparing? We are all apples and oranges. No two people are the same. Unless you zoom way out then we are all exactly the same.
The one important thing here is your happiness. There was a time when I was shy like you… now, I can talk to anyone about anything. If you can’t add to the conversation with guys then ask questions. Guys love to talk😊 good luck !

[Vevv123]

Nervous for what? They’re the ones that drop they’re fries and still eat them.

[OreosAreLit]

Bahaha ain't no way that's a thing! XD

[Benjiman19]

It's okay to be a bit nervous around new people (especially those of the other gender). You want to be liked and be heard while also being safe and comfortable. It took me time to get out of my comfort zone when talking to someone new (same gender or the other). You just need to have confidence in yourself and speak freely, without feeling like you're being judged by the person whom you're talking to.

Act as if it's your brother. I hope you have a good relationship with him and trust him. I hope you have regular conversations with him and aren't afraid to speak with him whenever you need or want. If you do have this with him, pretend he is the one who you're talking to as you talk to someone who is not him.

[OreosAreLit]

Thats great advice, thank you sm!!

[slatyb]

Because you are worried about them liking you or not. Stop worrying about it. Suppose they don't like you? So the F what? But most likely they think you are totally adorable and would date you if they weren't friends with your brother. Don't worry about this. It will all happen for you soon enough. In a couple of years you will realize that things you think are important today were not. Just relax and be yourself.

[OreosAreLit]

Lol ya, you got a point there! I always try telling myself that but for some reason my brain just refuses to accept it! But maybe its something that gets internalized over time. Thanks, have a good one!

[slatyb]

You deserve to be loved, don't settle for someone who isn't capable of loving you.

[genericname85]

well if you're interacting with guys, what are you hoping for as a result? so what's your expectation basically? if you know that, you can slightly adjust that and if you do, you can most likely be more chill about it. expectations is what maes us nervous usually.

[OreosAreLit]

well im definitely anxious to be liked by them, and that probably does play a huge factor in this. And yes, thats really true!

[genericname85]

well is it not ok for people to not like someone else? you don't like everyone right? so let them not like you. there's no problem with that. in fact it's more beneficial for your life to sift those out that do not like you rather than trying to please everyone.

[Stevepro68]

Social anxiety gets worse not better as we age. CBT with a reputable therapist is the best method

[OreosAreLit]

yeah…ive tried that and it didn't work tbh. Thank you for the tip though!

[Makeushiver]

Guys are likely equally nervous around you. If you van channel that into excitement it could be man asset.

[zombiewoof]

Do you have trouble talking with your brother

[OreosAreLit]

Honestly? Yeah a bit lol! Why do you ask?

[zombiewoof]

learn to talk with him, that will help

[wkhan_87]

Confidence is the key

[OreosAreLit]

yeah, I know that intellectually but i'm finding it kinda hard to internalize. Thank you for the tip tho!

[wkhan_87]

You are most welcome

[wkhan_87]

And best of luck 🤞

[OreosAreLit]

Thanks man, have a good one!