Do men create more stress for wives when they dont help around the house or with the kids?

[mrshooiser]

[Anonymous]

Do men really create more stress of women just can’t handle as much stress as men? Especially because of their emotions. I work w a lot of women in the medical field. A lot of them stress out over things. The majority of men are just chill. The ones who stress out are feminine, gay. There are a couple women who are more manly so they rock. I think if he’s the sole provider, she doesn’t work then no she should be able to do all of that. I can see when kids are younger but as they get older, no those kids can do chores. Cleaning a house isn’t an everyday thing. I don’t get stressed out when my wife doesn’t help me maintain the yard as far as mowing the lawn, pruning the trees, planting the flowers she wants, either changing the oil in her car or taking it to the shop to have it changed. I don’t get stressed out when she doesn’t help repair things in the house or fix her flat tire. If your family is a big slob of a mess then that’s on you, your husband for not instilling work ethic in those kids. My 4 kids were never that way. Besides at a certain age your kids are at school maybe 8 hours a day. So what is she really doing at home for those 8 hours? Your not washing clothes. The washing machine is. You’re not washing dishes. The dish washer is. So unless you’re on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor everyday, housework isn’t that hard.

[midnightmoon05]

Well said.
Both parents have the duties to raise kids to take household chores responsibly.
Kids always want to help.
At some point they might whine… but when they understand that everyone lives in that house call home…. everyone takes turn helping, keeping it organized and clean.

[Opinion Owner]

@midnightmoon05 yes they can all play a responsibility in it. If the kids are small still then something as simple as putting their dishes in the sink or the dish washer. Sour ei get some spike rod e off the dishes before they toss it in the dish washer but it’s teaching them where it goes so as they get older you can tell them first to rinse of their plate before putting it in the dish washer. My mom used to fill the sink w water, not too hot but w water and soap then tell us to wash our own dishes. But there’s certain things each person can be responsible for to help. She also washed dishes while she cooked. Meaning if she made cornbread or something once she poured the mix into the pan to put in the oven she immediately washed the bowl so it was less dishes in the end. Like she told me you’re not always standing at the stover every second while the food is cooking. So when I cook myself I do the same as far as wiping down the table or doing other things to clean up the kitchen some while my enchiladas are baking or something. I think too depending on what kind of job a man has, for him to come home and do all this other stuff. For instance let’s say he’s a brick layer, works in construction or something,, some sort of really physically demanding job. Especially here in Arizona where it’s been in the triple digits this summer. My wife doesn’t work so she takes care of things while I work 12 hour days. She did the same w the kids and now w our 8 dogs. I do all the other stuff. Maybe two once a week you get takeout, or if the kids are old enough they cook. There’s always options.

[aaron13547]

100% i grew up with my father not spending much time with me because he was tired from work. That itself made me miss out on learning from my dad what it really meant to be a man. I lived in the same house as my father growing up but had to figure out what being a man was about all on my own. Kids not watching there dad's do house chores is the kind of thing that makes them think that's a women thing. I was lucky enough to have friends with stable family's to watch and learn from...

Dishes should be done by anyone able to eat off them. I think both parents should be equally involved always its ok to be tired and mom does everyone Monday night but Tuesday mom's going to be tired from double time the day before. So it's time for dad to step up. I honestly think the key is not to keep score and doing what you do out of love. Positive emotions don't waste energy like negative emotions do. Doing the dishes you don't want do is a lot more exhausting then doing the dishes you enjoyed eating off of.

[midnightmoon05]

It depends who you are married to.
my first husband was helpful but on his own terms. Any help he supported, I showed appreciation and love. I gave him a big hug and told him he was being so helpful to me… vacuuming, doing laundry, cooking. Just at his own term.
marriage didn’t worked out because of his mom

my now husband is a stay home dad. I’m the bread winner as he calls me. He takes care of everything. The car, the yard, some cooking…etc… still I don’t want him to do all the housework… so I told him we will get cleaning ladies and lawn mowers.

to be honest… it’s too much to do. Just get outside help.

I would say, stop pointing fingers and start communicating and loving the person you married to. It will be a long 40 yrs… enjoy and appreciate one another.

[Nikki1989]

Yes that imbalance can lead to feelings of resentment, burnout, and emotional exhaustion.

[emeraldsaphire]

I don't have kids yet, but I get stressed when he doesn't do his chores. Like I'm scared to use the auto clean on the oven so he does that, I'm not tall enough to get to a lot of places so he cleans up in those area. He buys the cat litter because I can't lift the giant bags up the stairs lol. I could go on, he's normally good at keeping up, but sometimes he gets swamped at work, and stuff goes undone so I need to step up and do it, and it's a lot. I have my own job, and stuff to do. So it's not a good time

[midnightmoon05]

Can you budget to get a cleaning lady. It is well worth it.
So you and hubby can have some free time together not dealing with cleaning the toilets.

[emeraldsaphire]

@midnightmoon05 We were talking about that recently XD. For the most part it's not to bad. It's just a few times a year. He works as a software dev at a big company and once or twice a year he'll get a huge project. I'll barely see him for like a week. :( But he loves it and the money is amazing. We can finally afford the stuff we want.

[Sensmind]

I would imagine that is the case. I suppose the ideal situation is to look at the situation and examine all the variables like do both parents work then communicate to each other your needs and resolve to fairly distribute the household/childcare duties. It probably sounds a bit idealistic but hopefully you can establish a mutually beneficial routine.

[slatyb]

Of course they do. Even if he has a day job and she doesn't, it's a lot of work to maintain a home and care for a child.

[Anonymous]

Probably, but I only have sympathy if the woman also works. If the man is the sole provider, he's working like a dog bc nowadays you need two incomes to survive so the woman can do her part, too.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yep, this is why married women die faster

[midnightmoon05]

You funny. 😆 so untrue.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Double-check my stats, you’ll see I’m right. Married women die sooner, on average, than single women. And in contrary to that single men die faster than married men

[midnightmoon05]

No doubt, men are happier when they are married to a good wife.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

And not even the best husband can stop himself from draining the life out of her

[WhitneySnow]

Probably