Guys, Now what?

[Anonymous]

Talked to this guy as a friend for awhile, thought he was pretty cool. He has a girlfriend, didn’t think anything would ever occur because he said he’s not that type to cheat. We ended up making out once and there was some touching but that was it.
We still talk and have had some locked eye contact a couple of times, just nothing like before. He said he doesn’t cheat and doesn’t want that to happen again lol.
I don’t know if he is having a moment of feeling guilty or playing games or what lol. I’ll see him talk to other female friends in our group and he sometimes makes joking flirty comments to other people but not with me like before. Why would he tell me he doesn’t cheat then cheat with me then say it again then flirt etc? Why does he stare at me, hold eye contact for long periods, I’m so confused.

[BriamG22]

I think the default thought process here would be to assume that he's playing games and he enjoys it.

However, I'd like to give the guy the benefit of the doubt here. It seems to me that he was sincere when he said he does not want to cheat but in the end he did. So its clear that he had feelings for you because; if he didn't, why would he do it. As a guy, I don't really want to make out with a girl I'm not attracted to, maybe some guys would but I can't speak for them.

After, that little escapade, its pretty obvious that he likes you a hell of a lot more hence why he's staring at you and looking your way. He might actually be feeling a lot of guilt hence he wants to keep a distance.

With regards to the flirting, its hard to comment on that. What are the extent of his comments? Are they sexual in nature, suggestive or provocative? Or are they just of him telling a girl she looks good that day? If its the latter, I can't really say for sure he's doing it as a manipulation tactic because it could just be him trying to be nice. I would often tell my female friends they look good or that their dress is cute, but these are just passing comments, non-chalant, and have no intent behind them.

Although, if the flirting is really obvious, suggestive and/or intimate, then you might want to see if he's always done this through the chat history and what not. If he has, then stay the F away from him because he's clearly womanizing whilst with his girlfriend. If not; meaning he only started doing this recently, then you really need to talk to him and ask him whether his brain had a short-circuit because of the intimate evening.

[Asker]

I really appreciate your comment. Thank you so much for breaking it down for me. It really means a lot having you explain things. Maybe that’s why he’s keeping a distance the whole guilt thing and that he does actually like me a lot and doesn’t trust himself to not have it happen again if we were to be alone like that, I don’t know. And the flirting it’s not sexual with other people, but he’ll make comments that are sometimes inappropriate, they’re not talking about hooking up or anything like that or suggestive in nature. It’s also weird about this looking at me too because we do work together, which isn’t weird, we still talk and it’s not an issue or a problem. And have the same friend group. But he’ll walk by and I’ll see him glance quickly and walk away. Or if I’m not looking, he’ll say good morning or if I’m talking to someone in the friend group he’ll come up and talk to the mutual, and answer if I ask him something and the they’ll go and talk and walk away, or if I’m in an area he knows I’m in, he’ll make a loud noise to get my attention or scare me so I come out and see what’s going on.

[BriamG22]

Oh gosh, what on earth, you know what you just described is how I would act around my crush when I was in elementary school/middle school 😅😅😅. Its hard to explain why he's doing every single thing he's doing because I can't exactly recall the thought process anymore. Schoolkid me would've been able to tell you hahah.

Getting your attention then ignoring you, butting in if you're talking to a guy (I assume they were guys), being playful by scaring you, the quick glances because he likes looking at you but doesn't want to come off as a creep. Well the glancing thing; I think men don't really grow out of that. We enjoy looking at girls we find attractive or that we like haha. But if you catch a guy looking and he just continues to stare at you, well that's just creepy hahaha. This is why guys will often quickly look elsewhere if the girl notices. Alll the other crap he's doing though... 🤣🤣🤣 They're all reallly akin to what a kid in school would do when he has a crush.

As to what you should do moving forward though... I can't really say 😅

[Asker]

It is totally like we’re back in high school and obviously we’re both adults. It’s so crazy ha ha. But the person I was talking to was an older lady in our friend group that is someone he jokes with but swings the other way. She was talking to me he came up answered a question when I talked to him then they walked off and talked together. Otherwise yeah he just avoids coming up and talking to me directly like before. We’ll talk when passing or when he knows I’m in an area or have eye contact, yeah total kid stuff haha. Who knows if it’ll happen again, I doubt it. I won’t lie it was nice, but yeah I mean there’s a part of me that thinks as you said too he could be just playing games. It’s funny though too, I have an old friend that comes and visits sometimes whose a guy and he’ll tell me when the guy I made out with will walk by he’ll look at me and totally not even look at my guy friend. Or just quickly look the other direction. It’s like he’ll walk by to see what I’m doing but not want to make it appear obvious, or make it known he wants to talk to me. When we’ve locked eyes though it was intense and ugh I dunno lol.

[BriamG22]

Haha seems like the last time he courted a girl was in school since these are the tactics he's defaulting to 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Yeah, maybe he feels a bit of jealousy because of tbe woman's sexual orientation who knows.

But yeah, your friend observing and noting the guy's actions and demeanor around you pretty much confirms the speculation of him having a crush on you. I would also think its quite a sizeable crush. I really can't even recall the last time I had to constantly glance at a girl just because I wanted to look at her. Was probably in college haha.

If you like him a lot then you should try making subtle advances, even though it would be a pretty; let's just say, 'unsavory' thing to do... From my perspective as an outsider; based on the information you gave me, it seems like he's head over heels. It looks like you don't really have to do much lol.

However, if you are gonna try things, its like you said, he could be playing games, I don't know the guy and I'm going off your accounts which could possibly be skewed towards the outcome you desire.

[Asker]

lol he’s been in his relationship probably since high school or a year or two out of high school so I’m guessing you’re correct on the last time he’s courted a girl. He definitely has jealous, tendencies because my back will be turned to talk to my friend and he’ll tell me he just won’t even acknowledge him lol. Yeah he does keep his distance like you said it’s probably because of the guilt. Will he try something later on down the line? I have no idea, would I like there to be something again? Absolutely lol, but only he can decide the outcome, and what he wants to do.
When I made a naughty gesture once he was all smiles and laughing and told me I needed to stop. So yeah I think there’s a lot he battles with and the feelies for me etc.

[BriamG22]

Alrighty, well at least you have some level of confirmation as to what he's doing haha. Although can't be 100% sure of course.

Admirable that you're gonna stay away, you're a much better human than me.

Anyways, it was fun talking! I hope things work out favorably in the end; whatever outcome that might be!

[Asker]

Thank you again so mix for talking to me, I really do appreciate you. You’ve been amazing to talk to and have helped me see the light on a lot of things.

[InknKink]

If someone told you that they've never lied during the entirety of their life, would you believe them? So why would you believe him about this when his actions don't align with his words?

You're too old to believe such obvious deceptions.

[Asker]

I gave him the benefit of the doubt when we started talking and he told me that. Then obviously that turned out to be false so when we did what we did. And he said it again and that’s why it’s just kind of confusing in his actions are not lining up as you said so I’m just going to go on the lemon and say that it’s guilt that he’s feeling and maybe he’s just one of those people that is a damn good liar