Guys, why would you mention your girlfriend right away (almost randomly) when first meeting a woman?

[Anonymous]

Was talking to a work acquaintance i just met over lunch. The conversation was flowing / engaging and we were most having a nice time when he suddenly worked his girlfriend into the conversation. It felt quite random and off and made me wonder if he thought I was hitting on him (I wasn't)

He then followed-up later to let me know he really enjoyed our conversation.

I've heard guys mention their SO / girlfriend as a self-policing behavior. Is that the case or was it more of thinking I was hitting on him?

Would be nice to know so I can watch out for my behaviour if I'm giving off certain vibes

[BriamG22]

Hmm, it does seem a bit weird. If it's a work acquaintance I would feel no reason to bring up my girlfriend. Seems kind of random. Maybe in a setting where everyone's out for drinks there could be grounds for doing that but it really just comes off as weird to me.

I would assume you were professional in your interaction with him so I don't think you were giving off any vibes that might have triggered him.

Either he misread or misinterpreted your baseline behaviours as suggestive, or it was a self policing behavior which just sounds ridiculous to me haha.

[Asker]

Believe I was! it was over lunch and I'd just transferred from a different office so I was getting to know people on the team. We definitely clicked (i. e like we'd be friends if we met outside of work)

Either way, good to know - will trust that I was appropriate in my behaviour

[BriamG22]

Yeah given your testimony whatever caused him to do that was most likely purely on him.

I have honestly never heard of this self policing method though, it sounds so ridiculous to me haha. Like something middle schoolers would do 🤣🤣🤣

[Asker]

It was mentioned as form of over-compensating - you're attracted to someone else while in a relationship, so you mention your SO almost as a reminder to yourself.

It was the random girlfriend dropping + later mentioning he really enjoyed our conversation that got me thinking. Hah I guess we'll never know the real reason..

[BriamG22]

Very interesting, I would've thought it was a subconscious compensation stemming from the guilt of feeling attracted towards someone else. But I guess it makes more sense that it is a learned behaviour and done so consciously. I wonder if his SO suggested for him to do this🤣🤣🤣.

I guess you were just too charming and alluring even in your baseline mannerisms hahaha

[mysteriousNicholas]

Yes that's happened to me a few times in my life - and usually it only happens if the woman isn't say 10-20+ years my senior.

For example, if I'm 31 now, right, no doubt even in my 20s, there were always fellow 20s women who'd eventually "make some reference to a boyfriend, husband, or even having a offspring" in their life.

And I'm like "I didn't ask" voice over Brain 🧠

[mysteriousNicholas]

Or "okay, good for you" brain 🧠 voice over. Anyways 🫢😅 people are the darnedest, aren't they lady?

[mysteriousNicholas]

self-policing behavior - sounds rational ☺️ maybe some women as are their partners, are easily "weak" - aka "their relationships are - weak" - lol but don't tell them they know you know they're not exactly in paradise 🪨 lol 😆 so much for many couples being rocks

[mysteriousNicholas]

Anyways. Happy weekend ahead - peace 💐

[Asker]

Yeah it threw me off a bit but in this case, the girlfriend wasn't worked into the convo in such a way that it warranted a 'I didn't ask..' But I can easily see how this'd illicit that response in similar scenarios..

How curious. Thanks for the take!

[mysteriousNicholas]

Thanks yet note - it was an internal "I didn't ask" I was thinking in my head or I've thought in my head, in such situations. Only happened a handful of times in my 20s lol.

[mysteriousNicholas]

Thanks for MHO

[capriVib]

He’s giving off that vibe like, “other women have already stamped their approval on me, so now every girl wants me too.” Pathetic.

[Alex-Snow]

I guess he just wants you to know that anything more than a convo with him is off limits but it is kinda weird to do that so early in a convo