Why do most guys want to fuck me but not love me?

[Anonymous]

[MrOracle]

You're anonymous, which means I don't even know your made-up screen-name. That means that nothing I say going forward is any kind of personal attack - I obviously can't know anything about you, about your morals and values or past behaviors or anything. But I'm going to be blunt and clear because a lot of women ask this question, and they rarely get honest, blunt answers because people don't want to hurt their feelings. I believe that the truth is more important than feelings.

1. Virtually all men want sex. We're biologically programmed to breed, often and with as many partners as possible. This is simply nature - the survival of the species depends on it. For that reason, men's brains work differently than women's, and one example of this is that men can have sex and thoroughly enjoy it without needing to have any feelings or connection to the woman. This isn't "bad" or "wrong" - it's just different to how women work. But as a woman, one of the MOST important things you need to understand about men is that men are perfectly capable of having sex with a woman - even repeatedly over time - without developing feelings for her. To take it even further, men either fall in love with a woman right away (generally from his first significant interaction with her, or after observing her interacting with other people over time), or he never does. There's rarely anything in-between, so if you meet a man and have a 30 minute conversation with you, he either has the seed of an emotional connection with you, or he likely never will. If it didn't happen at the beginning, then probably nothing you could ever do will make it happen. That said, his desire to want to bang you has nothing at all to do with that.

2. A relationship has a very high cost for a man. It's expensive in time, in responsibility, in money, and in emotional risk. Nearly all men start out with zero value as a relationship partner and must build themselves up from nothing, earning every bit of value they eventually have, and if they don't earn enough, women simply ignore them - and LOTS of men are completely, entirely ignored by women. But even if a man earns enough value to be in a position to date, he must then further give, give, give. He's expected to take on a ton of responsibility.

At the same time, Feminism has spent 60 years teaching women to give NOTHING back to the man, and to appreciate NOTHING that he does for her. It's also taught women NOT to learn what men value in a relationship partner, and instead for her to do whatever she wants to do in the moment at all times, and that her moment-by-moment happiness is the most important thing.

This has led to women destroying their own relationship value by squandering the high value they started with simply by being a female who turns 18, and instead focusing on BECOMING the man she's want to date. Men do NOT want a woman who is just like him - that's a massive turn-off - men value the following:

• Youth (correlates with fertility)
• Innocence (a LACK of experience)
• Exclusivity (being the ONLY one who has access to her)
• Feminine
• Friendly
• Submissive
• Family-Oriented (rather than career-oriented)

If you ask most women what they can offer a man in a relationship (in return for her own laundry-list of demands), most women, if they can provide any answer at all, will read her resume, and talk about her education, her degrees, her career, her income, and her status. Do you see any of those things listed above? No, because men DO NOT CARE about those things - they provide no value to a man. But most women believe that they're the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS because Feminism taught them to believe that.

This massive divide between men and women is the primary reason that men are either only seeking casual sex partners or have entirely withdrawn from women entirely - EXCEPT when they run across a relatively rare woman who maintains "conservative" values and has the things on that list to offer. More and more, those are the only women that men will consider as a relationship partner.

[MrOracle]

And since we're being blunt and truthful, I might as well add this, though I know it's going to ruffle many feathers here. That doesn't change the reality, though.

Most men (and, yes, exceptions exist, though I often see big red flags with many of these exceptions) want a woman who is all-natural IF HE IS GOING TO COMMIT TO HER. What do I mean by that?

I mean:

No tattoos
No body piercings
No fillers
No implants
No blue, purple, pink, or blood-red hair - in other words, your hair color should look like it could have feasibly grown naturally that color.
No "far left activist"/"lesbian" haircuts

Certainly, plenty of men will BANG girls who have these things - in fact, many men automatically consider all such women to be "for recreational use only." They're happy to have them around to provide sex until they can find a woman with "relationship potential", but the fact that a woman who has one or more of these things can still get plenty of SEXUAL attention does not at all mean that she's going to get RELATIONSHIP attention, because that's a completely different thing.

Most women cannot wrap their minds around the idea that men who would NEVER consider them as a relationship partner would still give them lots of sexual attention, but that happens billions of times every day. It's how men work, and that will never change, but as a woman, if you don't understand that important difference, you'll make an endless amount of mistakes with men.

[Alex-Snow]

As you know guys want to have sex almost all the time but a lot are not into love so to speak at that time in their life. Maybe be a bit more choosy with your boyfriends? Hopefully the ones you have sex with you give you some fun orgasms!

[emeraldsaphire]

Don't take it personally. Guys are guarded when it comes to love. Not so much when it comes to sex. You can gauge if you want to sleep with someone pretty fast. All you need to know is how they look and how they carry themselves But relationships are harder. There is a lot more riding on it, and it's not a simple "am I attracted or not" it's "do we have compatible goals" "do we have the same values" Am I willing to sacrifice for this person" "what are their red flags" etc.

My best advice if you are looking for a relationship and not a hookup is be up frond about that. Don't offer to sleep with them right off the back, this will weed out all the guys just looking for sex. It's not about setting a minimum date number, it's about waiting to see what their intentions are before you get naked.

[MrOracle]

Well said. But I'm going to make a slight enhancement/clarification to something you said.

Waiting a while to have sex with a guy will weed out MOST guys who just want sex, but if a guy is a player and is already getting plenty of sex from other girls (and you'll know that because he'll be attractive and VERY smooth with women), then those guys will often have several women who are "holding out" and he'll invest JUST enough energy into each one to keep them interested, knowing that most will eventually break down and have sex with him. It doesn't work on EVERY girl, but because he's attractive AND smooth, it works on most.

It's just important to understand that exception to the rule, because it's a someone common exception that trips up a lot of women.

Remember: the more widely attractive a man is, the more women desire him, and thus the more options with women he has, and so he's LESS likely to commit. The more options a man has, the less likely he's going to commit to a woman that HE sees as less than a 10/10, based on HIS criteria.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

It’s not that they don’t want to love, it’s that love requires maturity, effort, and consistency.

Wanting sex is easy.

Wanting a relationship means showing up, choosing someone, and being accountable.

Most guys know I’m not someone they can play with, so they stick to the part they can handle.

The right man will match my depth, not run from it.

[Nikki1989]

This is primarily the reason ^

[rebelsunshine]

Wicked

[Spencer10]

Love is a very complex emotion. Most guys your age have no clue how to deal with love... so their fall back position is lust.

[DryGermanGuy]

"There is an explanation for this, you know."

- Science officer Ash, Alien

[ChicoFromThe305]

The wrong kind of men and the more you feed it, the worse it will get, not assuming you feed it, I'm just saying in case you do

[slatyb]

Because you tolerate them. There are better men, but you may be rejecting them. How were you raised?

[guesswhereivebeen]

What if you found someone that loved fucking you… would that work?

[In_Trance]

Because you present yourself to them as fuckable and not lovable

[Anonymous]

You don't know any decent men... that's why.

[Anonymous]

For the same reason Scarlett Johansson doesn't dump that loser Colin for me.😆😆😆

[Anonymous]

If a guy like me genuinely loves you will you marry/go for permanent serious relationship 😊

[Paige90]

That's the way guys are made

[chucktheduck]

Unfortunately true

[Anonymous]

You are hot but not a nice person.

[jahaims]

You are a broken whore or attract broken men

[TonyMetal___86]

Because you're meeting f*ck boys only

[BarryLiverstone]

What’s your love language?

[Sam1133]

Because you're good for fuck not for love

[chucktheduck]

Because of their hormones and dicks

[Summeroflove]

Do you let them?