Why do guys only want me for sex and not a relationship?

[jeb97xo]

I’m 22 and it seems like every guy I speak to just wants one thing! They’ll say stuff like “you’re so sexy come round mine” but never actually ask me on a proper date in a public place

my friends and family say I should try an older guy like 27+ but even the older guys mention sex when they first start talking to me so is age really a factor?

im 23 soon and I’m sick of being single. I’ve been single since I was 20. 3 whole darn years!! I’m losing my mind because most of my Friends are in relationships and when they’re busy with their men I’m stuck at home doing jack sh! t. especially weekends.
I just want to know if there is anything wrong with me? Looks wise? Is it cause I’m not white with blonde hair? I just need some advice

[GoodManDave]

I would assume, based on pictures alone... ok, maybe you aren't looking for sex (or JUST sex, anyway), but the poses and outfits are kind of pushing the physical aspect of your body. And yeah "sex (or attraction at least) does sell" and most of us are trying to look our best, etc. I get that. But to me, it's a lot of sizzle, and it's told me (hypothetical single dude) nothing - other than some guesses just related to your body.

These pics tell me that...

1 - Maybe you work out a bit? Ok, so maybe you care about your body (A good thing, to a point), unless you're still just simply blessed with a good metabolism.

2 - You like leopard print, maybe?

3 - I might guess you might be into fashion sort of? Maybe?

4 - You might have the initials JB (which your user name tells me)? Other than that, it doesn't tell me anything about you.

Even if I was 25, lived in your area, all that - I'd maybe pass if there wasn't something that caught my eye while reading. I'm a man of faith, myself... but even not, if I was just a clean cut, average guy, I'd assume with those pictures that sex is what would be important to you early on in a relationship, so I'd probably not bother, not knowing if you're really a lovely, fascinating, deep woman (or not). The whole look seems to appeal to the guys who want to hit that and are just looking for early sexual relationship, or just FB's; and I would assume, pictures alone, that you'd respond to that postively.

At the least, I'd assume I'd always have to be fighting creeps or defending you to keep them off you, which would be tiring for me. Like you'd be causing (even unintentionally) other dudes to try to "out-macho" me.

[standingUP]

If this is how you portray yourself and dress while going out then alls you are saying is "USE ME".. It is a turn off for guys that want to settle down. You don't look like you want that. A man needs a woman he can respect and trust.

Maybe tune down the fakeness nd get real. Then you'll get the REAL.

[jeb97xo]

So showing a bit of skin is giving off the vibe I’m just interested in hooking up? Lol I didn’t think I wore clothes that revealing

[standingUP]

Along with Cheetah print skin tight short dress. Hey you look fine yes no mistake about it. Beautiful face , you got it all. However guys that want to treat you real and be real do not want you flaunting for all eyes on you. If you dressed a bit more sophisticated it wouldn't be screaming "F me"... You'd still look fine but with taste.

[jeb97xo]

Thank you I appreciate that

[DonCachondo]

the way you dress would probably be better received in other parts of Western Europe like Spain or Germany

[btbc92]

If that is you in that photo, look at how your dressing first of all, and tell us how any guy in their right mind would want a relationship? No offense. But your getting dudes because they assume your a hooker.

And trying to get any guy over my age is irrelglevnt. Men are highly sexually sensitive and your already showing all the good without them even having to ask. Please don't listen to your friends and family giving you dumb advice. It's not about you being sick being single. You got to learn to work on yourself as a person, and stop dressing in those ways. Telling you with some experience with such men. I never dressed like what your dressing for those reasons. But if you have been told enough about your appearance physically, you have to dress down as much as possible without being to uncomfortable in them. But at the same time don't be so quick to be nice to everybody that you meet. Set standards, set boundaries, and you don't owe them an explanation. If they ask you out and you don't know these men, you tell them no. They can't handle anything but a no, you let them know it's none of their business and keep walking.

[SydneySentinel]

You're gorgeous! A lot of guys your age aren't interested in settling down yet.
If you're online dating, you needs some different pictures of you doing fun activities that you're interested in. First two pictures and then a different third. If your pictures are focused on looks, it seems like your focused on meeting just for looks and not the qualities of a relationship.

[wingattebaby16]

you are truly a gorgeous woman!

2 things that I would do:

#1 date a much older man.. 35yo or older.. they tend to have a more Relationship/marriage mindset towards younger women.

#2 try dressing less sexy for a while. Men See Better Than They Think...

Men are visually stimulated and when the blood rushes South, their brain only thinks of Sex.

I am 25yo and my man is 44yo... He is white, I am white/filipina. Due to my insecurities in Life, I have dated 53 men as of today. I get so frustrated and alone, I will date any guy that asks!! I know, pathetic.

all my life, like you, guys only want to date me to have sex coz I was skinny and I admit, I was desperate to not be alone, so I would date any guy that asked and it always turned to sex... often on the first date. Those relationships lasted 4 mos tops... sex got old, we never talked, and they dumped me for someone sexy like you.

If you want more, PM me.. I dont mind sharing...

[MrCommodore]

It's probably more to do with how and when your meeting guys, like bars or clubs, when you are wearing more revealing outfits.

If you meet a guy at work or college etc, I doubt they would say such things openly.

Look for a guy in everyday life, watch how he treats other people around him, and if he is kind and decent. Then look at dating a guy like that, start with a lunch date, and make it clear early on that you aren't looking for a hookup

[momyotis]

You're so pretty! A lot of guys around your age are just starting out so they are terrible in both sex and relationships. Which is the reason why I tend to go for guys/girls who are much older. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, at least they will be honest about it instead of beating around the bush.

[Rose54321]

Your damn sexy and you own it, but this can make guys think with their dicks, if your looking online, post some photos where you feel you look your worst, or most relaxed, the men who are drawn to those, will be the ones who will stick around no matter what. Your still young you have plenty of time to find a man who will be worthy of you, dont settle for any less.

[Warmapplecrumble]

I got this too. I didn't dress sexy back then. I was very timid, cute and over covered.

I think it's because we look exotic and are different from advertisement. They are attracted but not sure about relationship.

I think you should try websites like meetup and join a guy through a activity rather than a date. Maybe go swimming with him. Talk to him, and he'll be nicer. I had to go through many rejections.

[Regmorus]

Oh my God! Why do you think it's all about looks? If you want a relationship that's not about looks, I mean looks are not enough. It is most likely something in your personality or behavior, that lets all the guys see you as a one night case or maybe just attracts only the wrong guys from the beginning.

[jeb97xo]

Seems like you have to be white to be taken seriously. Guys (especially white) only see as me a hook up.

[Regmorus]

but why do you think it's about your skin colour? Why is your first try to find an issue there? Maybe just because it's an easy way for yourself to close eyes for the real issues and not to work on them?

[jeb97xo]

Because guys have said to me in the past I’m not their usual type and they don’t normally find black girls attractive but still think I’m hot so it must be true

[Regmorus]

But how long do you think you can hold a guy if the major factor of attraction is the looks? And what quality will such a guy have?

[jeb97xo]

But can I ask something.. is it red flags if a guy says I’m not his usual type? I know it’s not about looks but we’re in 2020 and I’m afraid guys notice looks first and if you’re super good looking they will probably treat you better

[Regmorus]

I think it is in the most cases a red flag. And you are right, that look are the first thing anyone is likely to notice, and the girls with best looks are treated better. But the looks are just the factor, by which we evaluate our first impression, so who only has looks can't dream of keeping a normal guy. Your looks on the other hand are certainly above average for majority of guys, maybe not the best (I don't know for sure), but certainly above average and so you are most likely to pass the looks test. Besides good guys, who want relationships don't look that much on looks, so by them you certainly pass. Ergo you just met wrong guys till now or you jist attracted wrong guys. Try yourself not only look at their looks but at what type of person they are.

[SjE78]

cos those who you've met are shallow, and only after one thing... personally i dont care what anyone looks like... if someone is female and we got on, then i'd be open to a seeing if it progresses to a relationship... if does perfect... if not would be a strictly friends only situation in my opinion

[alance99]

There aren't many geniune guys out there or guys aren't much serious due to trend of these dating app, but i am surprised guys around dont want a serious relationship with such a nice girl like you, maybe your friends can help you in finding a guy or you can join a gym.

[DannyFanny]

First of all, you're stunning. And second of all it all just depends on how you're coming off. Are you flirtatious? If you go on a date do you wear revealing clothes? Either way you're super attractive and its sometimes hard for guys to look beyond that.

[Anonymous]

You DO realize the main POINT of dating is sex, right? I mean, if a person wants to go out to dinner and events and have a fun conversation, they can always do that with friends. What makes dating different and romantic relationships different is the nudity and sex. So it's not terribly surprising that guys you meet for a date are thinking about sex. What's odd is that seem to think it's odd. What do you think your friends in relationships are doing with their men?

[Trooper205]

Oh Dear! You're a Beautiful Young Woman, but too many Men see you as something that is MUCH LESS than Who you are! You're a Human Girl! An absolute Princess! If you want to attract TRUE Gentleman, search through Churches and Communities of the like! Also, I would recommend, never neglect prayer. I prayed for 10 years that a Girl would come into my life.

[wisefool]

I think older guys are less likely to just want sex overall. I've said this many times but I'll say it again, the guys that go around hitting on every girl are usually the ones looking for sex! Girls don't understand that for some reason so they assume every guy is the same. If you know what you want then you can pursue it instead of expecting the guy to put in all the work. Also, if you don't want sex, it's probably a good idea not to expose so much skin.

[Dchrls78104]

The first place to look for a relationship is the mirror. What are your standards, your beliefs, your principles, your values? Use these to guide you if you decide to continue dating, be true to yourself, and reject any man who does not represent what you stand for.

[CindyRuns]

I hear you... you're very attractive

I had a similar experience when I was single.

Only suggestion I'd make... dress a little less provocatively. I love looking nice, but I also stick to looking classy too !!!

[Secret6620]

You're a beautiful girl. Maybe it's just the vibe you give off. 🤓✌️☮️

[Jesus_is_the_guey]

The way you present yourself says everything not to be a dick but off your pics in my head I would think booty call it sucks but certain poses outfits etc push a vibe

[DWornock]

Men date down for sex, but they don't marry down. When you lower your unrealistic standards and accept dates from guys in your league, you will find guys that want to marry you.

[Anonymous]

You're beautiful ma, don't listen to people who hate us black girls... as a black woman we have a lot of people who don't like us... would you consider dating outside your race?

[jeb97xo]

Thanks and it’s mainly White guys that I like but they seem to stick with their own kind :( don’t think guys like black girls

[Opinion Owner]

So no white guys like you? I doubt that! Are you're standards super high?

[jeb97xo]

Nope they only wanna sleep with a black girl but not actually have a relationship. Racism

[Opinion Owner]

My white husband married me as a single mom to a black son! ALL men want to sleep with a woman! Make em wait!

[Celtero]

Is there anything else interesting about you? Is there a reason for guys to be around you that isn't for sex?

[OfDeath]

Your sex appeal is so high that it's what they want from you the most.

[jeb97xo]

Is it how I dress?

[OfDeath]

Part of it yeah

[jeb97xo]

So you think if i show no skin and just wear baggy clothes I will get taken seriously?

[OfDeath]

Probably not but that would be the opposite extreme

[DonCachondo]

I don't think it's because of the way you dress. You'd have a hard time hiding those curves, and that's what men like. My advice is just to make the best of the type of power Mother Nature endowed you. Relationships are overrated, anyway, especially in this day and age...

[jeb97xo]

@DonCachondo so many people are cheating nowadays lol

[DonCachondo]

That is true. Cheating is on the rise. That's one reason of many to deter one from relationships...

[GoodManDave]

It's not baggy clothes or form fitting and low cut being the only two options You don't have to look like a nun to change wardrobe... and no, even with baggy clothes, SOME dudes will only want sex.

It still can happen. And even some GUYS get hit on for sex even if they don't look like they'll be interested in that. But I think it would cut way down - just my opinion. Without knowing you, it could just be the culture or the dudes around you, and not even stuff you're doing - past possibly the fashion.



But dressing a little more modestly might go a long way.