Why are guys only attracted to me, when they're drunk or stoned?

[Anonymous]

Whenever I go out with my friends, the guys that want to dance/take me home for the night are usually drunk or stoned. My other friends end up getting approached by the “still sober” guys that actually want to get to know/really talk with them (and they don’t get asked for sex).

I know I should just be happy that someone at least thinks I'm attractive enough to have sex with, but at the same time I feel like I must not be worth having someone, who at least wants to know my name, before he asks me to go home with him.

Guys, how do you determine who you’re going to try to “hook up” with versus who you feel might be more than just a one night stand?

[Anonymous]

I've been asking this question for years...

Some tips (men, feel free to correct them if you disagree):

- Dress more conservatively. Don't show lots of cleavage. Reveal small amounts classily. Like one shoulder or your back but don't wear a mini skirt and a spaghetti strapped top.

- Have standards. Don't give the drunken fool attention, it will make you look like you want that kind of attention. Demand that men treat you with respect but don't be bitchy about it just laugh it off and say no thank you.

- Bars/Clubs/Parties are not the BEST places to meet serious men. It happens, more so at parties then bars and clubs, but it's best to meet men in other places like coffee shops/cafes, the gym, parks, libraries, anywhere you frequent, in clubs or sports, etc. Men generally see club going, party girls as cheap and slutty which is actually ridiculous but it's their perception.

- If you have big boobs, hide them a little bit. I know, it sucks, but wear shirts that aren't too tight or again revealing. Men generally seem to see women with big boobs &/or big booties as booty calls/hook ups for some reason. I guess it's because they automatically think "sex" when they see you instead of "pretty face" or whatever..

- Wear less makeup. The more you wear the more likely a man will see you as "sex" and "hot" as opposed to "pretty" and "interesting".

- Be friendly and nice. If you're hot but bitchy or seem like a snob/stuck up generally men will just go straight to wanting to hook up with you. They don't care about your personality if you're just going to f***- it's only about looks. If you're fun, friendly, easy going they will want to get to know you as a person, not just sex.

That's all I can say. Hope it helps.

[Anonymous]

I just read all the answers and I agree with some of them but there is also another factor.

Some girls just come off less approachable. I am one of those girls. I have seriously evaluated/analyzed this. Guys will go up to my friends but in the end, they're trying to talk to me...that may sound conceited but it's happened too many times to be just a coincidence.

I've been told I come off as intimidating and have a "f*** off" face sometimes when I'm out with my girls at the clubs/bars. Hahaha, I don't care most of the time...I don't want just some creep to approach me. I think, some times, I have an "ewww" look when I don't even know it but I've learned to smile more, hahahahaha.

I've observed how a lot of guys will approach a friend of mine and she dresses provocatively.

Personally, that's not really a situation I want to find myself in but for whatever reason, she does it and she seems fine with it.

Soooo...it could be that they feel more confident approaching you when they are drunk/stoned, it could be they do just want to hook up, it could be that you are intimidating to begin with...

the only way to know is if the guy wants to talk to you after that night. And, I'm assuming you want more than a one-night stand so you don't end up hooking up with these guys on the first night. I mean, if they're sloppy drunk then that's just tacky and why worry about these creeps anyways?

Good Luck.

[_JustSmile_]

1: you might be intimidating, without trying to be?

2: the guys your friends leave with probably aren't "still sober" haha (its a good pick up line)

3: its not just you who the drunks are attracted to, theyre attracted to everyone. You might just be easier to talk to?

4: maybe you're too nice?

5: Idk, but stop going out and trying to meet "nice" guys. You wont. The nice guys are drunk, gay, or taken.

[ZenSpace]

The nice guys are NOT "drunk, gay or taken" the nice guys are not in the bar!!!!!!!!

The nice guys are sitting at home, wishing YOU would start a conversation with them, cause they are too shy.

:-)

[ZenSpace]

Guys do not "determine" anything when it comes to hook ups. It is a subconscious level reaction. We see a girl and either we are attracted to her or not. There is no time for conscious thought, it is nothing like the way you see us.

We see you and in that fraction of a second we either want to f*** you or we don't. There is no conscious decision of any kind. it is based entirely on that first impression which is mostly visual. If a girl looks hot, we generally want to f*** them. If a girl looks hot, but she acts like a bitch, then she can blow it and make the guy not want her anymore. But the guy will never "decide" to be attracted to a girl unless he thinks she's hot.

I have a question for you:

Do you think it is better that your friends do not get guys who try to have sex with them and you do? it sounds to me like the guys want you more than them.

Often guys are very shy. Maybe they feel that they need to be drunk or high before they will have the courage to approach you at all.

[H0000]

But I think when guys can't have hot girls,they decide to choose the less attractive ones?

[sinful1620]

I normally hate going out to bars unless I'm with my brother and our friend Seth, but when I have gone to those situations, I can generally size up a girl at a bar in about 2 seconds as to whether or not she's actually dateable. For the record, the majority of girls at bars are not dateable. What's likely is you're the type of girl who people want to screw, not date.

What determines that is whether you're a party girl (instant DQ for girlfriend material), slutty (the fact that you're happy to take drunk/stoned guys home who you just met and f*** them is another instant DQ for girlfriend material), and there are some other factors.

I guess what I could most succinctly say is that the fact that you're okay with taking these guys home and f***ing them is what makes you continue to only have them as an option for shallow sex and nothing more.

[giantmothlbr]

good question...for me, it always starts with eye-contact. in a woman's eyes we see her desires. for instance, I can see that she wants to sleep with me, so then it becomes my decision to pursue her to those ends. the girls that I want something more from (i.e. relationship) I usually don't meet while I'm drunk, and I usually don't get sexual signals from right away. my advice would be to stop going home with drunk guys and expecting to find love. have more respect for yourself; don't let your need to feel attractive sexually override your instincts and sensibilities. believe that you deserve more, and don't settle for less. make it harder for guys to attain gratification, and you will separate the 'wheat' from the 'chaff', so to speak. if you believe you deserve more, you will get more. I hope this helps.

[abra_b]

Is eye contact always perceived as a sexual signal?

[giantmothlbr]

No, no...it's a subtle nuance. it's like dancing with her eyes. it's not just eye contact; it's CATCHING someone checking you out, or someone CATCHING you checking them out...and then a feeling of intrigue. the spark. your heart skips-- even if just for tonight, it skips. it's not always love. it's not even always sex, if I've had one too many. walk away, maybe another night, no?

[ZenSpace]

I see where you are coming from, and I agre about the eye contact.

I am going to have to disagree about her stopping going to bars though. I do not think she's disrespecting herself if she wants to hook up. She should just make that choice and do what she wants, just like guys do. She does not have to feel bad about having sex.

[wilk8940]

Well one night stand girls are one's that you meet when you are drinking or partying and probably will never really see again, but there is a fine line. For instance, if I think a girls is hot enough to hook up with, she doesn't annoy me, and I will probably see her again, we might start off with a night of partying but from there since there will be a possibility of continued interaction I will usually try and see where it goes. Basically, if I have a discussion/non-lecture class with a girl, I will never have a one night stand with her cause it would be awkward in class later. Most guys really aren't picky as to the type of women they sleep with either as long as they are attractive. If a guy starts chatting with you and really is interested in something besides just getting laid, you will most likely know. It's just one of those things that most women pick up on really easily. If he manages to trick you past that though, he is a heartless yet talented individual.

[Anonymous]

Woah... You're looking in the wrong places for guys... Sure guys are clubs/parties might be attractive on a sexual level, but if you're looking for a guy to settle down with, don't go to clubs. Drugs and alcohol are less than desireable things in people's life too IMO, I don't know about yours...

Look deeper in guys, look past their physical/sex appeal. Look for quality traits in a guy that you can see a future with... You should be past the age where partying is the "cool" thing to do... What's "cool" shouldn't even matter anyways, just be yourself, stop trying to fit it... Pursue a so-called "good guy"

I'm willing to bet you'll start to see better luck...

[martyfellow]

Only the drunk and stoned can overcome their inhibitions. Ignore them.

Wait for the SOBER guy who wants you. Sober should be a prerequisite, no?

Take it as a comliment that these guys like yu but are too timid to approach you when they are sober!

Maybe if YOU took some initiative with likeable guys BEFORE they have a chance to get high?

[Anonymous]

No offense but it sounds like you are not that attractive. If you don't get picked up until closer to closing time when everybody's drunk,t hat's not a good sign. That's kind of "leftovers" time. Also if you go around hooking up with random drunk guys at the club's closing time, you probably come off like a slut and no decent guy would want to deal with you anyway. People can talk all that "equality women can do what men do" sh*t all they want to, but at the end of the day a man is gonna be a man and a woman is still a woman. If you are easy to sleep with then men are not going to want you long term and they won't see you anything more than just sex. If you have hooked up with drunk guys on more than one occassion (sometimes even once is all it takes) then word probably got out about you and no guys there will want to touch you with a 10 foot pole. Go to a different club and see if your results differ.

[Zell16]

I 100% agree with that.

[HARDASACACTUS]

I gave up the bar scene a long time ago just for the reasons you stated. Try going to events where there is not a lot of drinking and you can avoid that type of environment. Nothing wrong with going to a bar to have fun but chances are you are not going to meet the cream of the crop when they are all drunk and horny. It is best to try to meet someone in places you frequent at least you start out with something in common.

[stark101]

Do not look for good men in clubs, bars and those kinds of places, try places like a book store, the mall, simple places with calm atmospheres.

If I am going to hook up with a girl I look for the one that dress like sluts act like sluts and behave like sluts

for a serious thing a girl with a nice attitude,personality and generally nice type and how she dresses does reflect that also how she reacts to my approach to her, bitchy or friendly

[chika]

welll I'm not a guy but I think you shouldnt give your self up so easly and if you want a serious relationtip don't look in clubs look in sports clubs look in what tipe of man you will like if you whant a man that does now how to fix stuff in the house look at homedeport or something but usually in clubs everybody is waisted and just whants sex also look at what tipe of friends you got

[Pestilence]

I'm guessing from the "should just be happy that someone at least thinks I'm attractive enough to have sex with" part of that, that you give the guys what they want. If that is the case, I would suggest that the reason they approach you for it is because they know they can get it from you. Guys talk to each other about that kind of thing.

[H0000]

OMG I have the exact same problem..everytime I went out I got hit on by guys who were drunk.while my friend, had much better luck with sober guys...i don't know if she's beautiful I don't know if I'm ugly..im just cursed.

Im not looking for a right guy in clubs/bars.What bothers me is why SHE got decent guys but I got drunks?

[jenn33]

It's either your looks, or that you dress conservatively when you go out and your friend dresses slutty

[H0000]

We both dress fine I'm sure.just chic style,not prudent and def. not slutty.If it's my look,do you mean I look not so good?

[jenn33]

Yea it means they don't find you attractive.

[ZenSpace]

What is the differences between you? it should not be hard to figure out. Does she carry her body diffently? Does she dress differently? Does she act differently" Does she look different?

If I had to make a guess, I'd say its that she's giving off a different vibe. Women who are interested in a relationship must give off a vibe that they are fun, not just sexy, but also fun when they are not having sex. They must also be a little bit of a challenge but still attainable.

[giffondh]

some guys can be like that but not all guys, you just have to use your own judgement make the decision. Remember if I a nice decent approaches you don't be quick to shut him down even if he's not your type give him a chance and who knows you might have something in common

[Anonymous]

I think it might have to do with how you look. Some girls just have the "I want sex all the time" look... There was as actually a study done about how girls with big "doe-eyes" are perceived by men to be more interested in a one night stand. Maybe your friends just look like girlfriend material?

[abra_b]

Is that true about the study?

[confusedgirl1946]

Well how exactly do you suggest getting around this? I can't help it if I got big blue doe eyes and blonde hair and weigh 95 lbs, it doesn't mean I wouldn't make for a good girlfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

It's just a study that I read. I can't remember where, but just type in "doe eyed women" and "sex" into google and it should turn up something. Guys see big doe eyes as high in estrogen, which in turn means she is more likely to be interested in a one-night stand. Squinty eyed girls, however, are seen as good wives/parents.

[2010atitagain]

Wow. that stupid study has some seriously racist connotations. but whatever. trust me, I've read other studies like it...the whole instinctual attraction for finding a "mate".

[jakeunKut-]

My attitude towards who I would get with don't change when I'm stoned, and they only change when I'm drunk when I'm totally sh*tfaced. And remmeber, those things can make men more ocnfident...so maybe they just grow a pair under the influence.

[Xenophobia]

cause your a girl and when you meet guys at bars/clubs/parties...most of them are lookin to get some. A lot of girls are lookin for the same thing, too.

[WeaponZero]

Don't try to meet guys at bars and clubs. Problem solved.

[confusedgirl1946]

Well then how exactly do you meet them because they never end up coming up to me unless it's a party scene.... they just stare at me. and unless I have a legit reason to approach them I'm not gonna do it, the most I'll do is smile back.

[poopygirl1989]

You obviously have no respect for yourself if you hook up with random men when you are drunk. You will always be that girl if you don't change

[ZenSpace]

Hater, it is women saying things like that about other women that keeps so many women down now adays. There is is nothing wrong with a girl having random sex if that's what she wants to do.

It is ok for guys to do it, and it is ok for women to do it to. We had this thing called the "sexual revolution" this is not 1950.

[jacquesvol]

It looks like you're mixing with the wrong crowd.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

[abra_b]

One thing you don't mention is how drunk/stoned you are...

[Anonymous]

they don't find you attractive when they are sober. but at the end of the night, they will go for anyone because they are horny.

that is the truth.

[Anonymous]

That's soo funny. When I am at parties with my friends, the only girls that want to dance/go home with me are usually drunk or stoned.