Why would a guy call, sound interested, then go silent again?

[Anonymous]

So we've been talking texting for 3 months. Getting to know each other. he's talkinnabout a relationship if I want one. Im slow to get involved. We quit talkin for 10 days. I gave in and text him. I said good morning. I was thinking of you. Hope your doing good. He read it and called me after he read it. He sounded happy and thanked me visited briefly he asked what I was doing on Saturday this coming week. Its his day off. He said he's been thinking of me too and telling me how he's doing.. asking how i am. He was at work and said he'd call me back. That was yesterday morning and I haven't heard from him since. He said he works today and I told him im working. This is all obviously deliberate I dont know what its supposed to accomplish?

[HollyK21]

I agree with Mr Chinaski, 3 months is a long time to be talking about a relationship. My timeline usually goes:


1-2 months is the dating phase. That’s 8 weeks of basically deciding if that person is the only one you want to both focus on and invest in.


3 months is about the time when you should officially become a couple. This isn’t overly serious like asking for someone’s hand in marriage. It’s officially committing to the decision that you only want to focus on and invest in eachother. It’s confirming that “hey, I like you a lot and only want to be with you.”


Once you start getting into 4-5+ months, then it really becomes a matter of WTF. Why? Because it shouldn’t take weeks on end to decide if this is someone you want to invest in. Like right now, you’re texting, calling, making plans, hanging out, you are making him a priority and have decided that he is worth your time, so why not put a label on it? What’s causing the uncertainty and is that uncertainty genuinely yours? Or is it you trying to accommodate a wishy-washy, confusing guy who says one thing but does another?

[Asker]

He was trying to move it al9ng and I was agreeable. However I didn't feel like we really were. Maybe my m8nd is clouded because my ex passed. I wanted to wait until I healed. Its 3 years now yesterday.

[HollyK21]

I’m sorry for your loss, I couldn’t imagine.

Healing is not linear, there’s no specific timeline or end date. No “I’ll be done healing by June 12th”. I’m sure 3 years feels like enough time to have passed and thinking you’re ready to date now, but your loneliness shouldn’t supersede your grieving process. I really think you should reconsider dating right now and continue working on yourself instead. That way when you genuinely are ready, you’ll have a complete version of yourself to bring to the table, not a broken individual carrying more baggage than her heart can currently handle. I’m sure you’ve come to like this guy, and if he’s patient then I’m sure that makes such a decision even harder, because I’m sure you’d like to be ready by say, next month or even the one after that. But your loneliness shouldn’t don’t know, you can’t rush yourself and it may not be fair having him wait for a moment that may not come any time soon.

[MrChinaski]

A relationship is like a shark: it goes forward, or it dies.

3 months is far too long to be talking about a relationship. If it is meant to be it would have been by now. He's just not that into you. Spend your precious time on someone who values you.

[Asker]

3 months is l9ng? Really? I move very slow. Or other people move very fast.

[MrChinaski]

I mean the time spent when a relationship becomes an option. For me that is days, no more than a couple of weeks. I just need to see the amazing in someone and choose to be around it.

You may be friends with someone for decades beforehand.

[Asker]

I've only had 2 serious relationships and im 46

[MrChinaski]

There's nothing wrong with that.

DM if you want.

[Asker]

Aw I can't im not an expert😄

[spartan55]

It's been a day ffs relax. Three months of 'talking'? What a waste, either date him or don't.

[Asker]

Grrr. I want to now. I didn't think I wanted a relationship. We haven't spent enough time. Ig I have to be direct now about what I want

[spartan55]

'talking stage' tends to fuck things up. No one needs three months to decide if you want to date someone. That's insane.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode mixed signals so you don’t lose your mind or your heart, gorgeous 😉

His pattern screams hot-and-cold, mild lovebombing, then ghost-lite. He likes the ego boost, enjoys your attention, but doesn’t prioritize you. If a guy is genuinely falling in love, he’s consistent, not vanishing after saying he’ll call.

Treat this as a red flag, not a romance. Match his effort, don't chase.

[Asker]

I understand but also I think I wasn't watching his effort before. Im slow to move forward

[Summeroflove]

Playing games. Is talking to many people and wanting supply so keeping you interested enough to feed him. And last resort. Using you as a backup.

[Asker]

So im playing games?

[Summeroflove]

If you’re talking and he isn’t responding without an exclamation it seems he is. If you’re both going dry then it’s on both of you

[Tomislav7]

Either busy or building attraction (making u think of him). Try texting him rn

[Asker]

Im goin to wait another day. Thank u

[spartan55]

Games

[In_Trance]

He found someone else

[Asker]

Why call though?

[Asker]

And why try to make plans for this weekend and tell me his schedule for the week?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he changed his mind.

[Asker]

Obviously 😄

[Asker]

Ig it was the whole engagement in the conversation calling and then the not calling. Thats not normal healthy I dint think.

[Opinion Owner]

Indeed, you are right.

[Asker]

Thank u. I guess im looking for someone to agree with me.

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome :D

[Summeroflove]

See previous answer.