What does "the guy who likes to watch" actually want from a woman?

[DishLady]

I tell a guy I love to dance and he starts to whine about how his dancing days are over. I ask "really"? and start teasing him about it bc he's physically fit and very sporty, so this seems odd. I tell him that it's too bad he doesn't like dancing bc I love to dance at all the summer festivals.

He answers... "Who said I don't like dancing? I love dancing. I want you to dance for me... for my eyes only."

(Awkward.) He said later that he was teasing, but tbh I didn't even know what to say to the guy. I felt like he'd watched way too many strippers or something.

Bc he'd already been very over-the-top with his approach I had to tell him I'm not comfortable with how things are going... that perhaps he likes very fast girls and that's... just not me. (And mentally I prepared for him to basically stop talking to me bc from the looks of it he was really pushing for pics and heavy flirtation and commentary that I wasn't ready to offer since we've only met recently.)

He surprised me by claiming to understand... I want to go slow... that he was just teasing me.

But I'm not a little kid... I know what it's like for a guy to tease me. It's only a little awkward in that cute way while you go back and forth a little.

Maybe it's bc he's older... he's more in-your-face about his flirting style. Maybe it's cultural... I don't know. But I had to tell him I didn't understand what he wanted from me. I had to say clearly that I can't keep up with whatever it is he's expecting.

He seems to understand... and he's still hanging around... so what does he want? Is he actually just biding his time to get into my pants?

[OlderAndWiser]

Most likely. . .

So far, you have rejected his advances and that has transformed you into a challenge. In his mind, he will become the winner when he gets you out of your panties and into his bed.

[DishLady]

I didn't reject them. I said I don't mind a little flirting, but I'm not comfortable with what he's saying rn. I suggested dancing, which was cute and fun, and he replied with this odd proposition of just watching me dance just for him... sounded like a filthy nightclub scene. I had to tell him I'm not sure what to answer when he does that... It's not something I WOULD answer to someone I don't know well enough.

He says he was just going with the flow...

I said I don't mind going with the flow, but can he "flow" a little slower so I can keep up at a respectable pace?

He laughed and toned it down, which I appreciate, but he still nudges to see if I'll accept heavier flirting. Maybe it's just his sense of humor. He's a tech bro and they're not always in tune to social norms.

[OlderAndWiser]

Tech guys solve problems. He pulled out his usual approach and it didn't work. That makes you a more challenging problem.

[DishLady]

Well then he'll just have to decode a bit better.

[Spencer10]

I think what he said speaks for its self. He would rather watch you than participate actively. I would take this as a compliment actually. Now the ball is in your court where this goes...

[DishLady]

How is that a compliment? I don't get it.

[Spencer10]

Well he clearly finds you attractive.

[DishLady]

And he's attractive also... but I don't go on and on about his body and what I'd like him do do with it for me... I ask him about his day and what he's been up to and if he's been watching the world cup... stuff to chat about before a first date. He's... too fast. I don't know how else to say it.

[Spencer10]

Oh I am not saying a comment like this was perhaps too soon... he needs to read the room... but its still a compliment. Maybe it will reach a point where you will tell him what you want to do to his body but he needs to probably slow down a bit if it makes you uncomfortable.

[_Jenny_]

@DishLady Maybe he likes the sexy way you move when you’re dancing 💃

[DishLady]

🤷🏻‍♀️ 🤷🏻‍♀️ 🤷🏻‍♀️.

[_Jenny_]

@DishLady Thank you for the MHO 💕

[molonski2]

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me frankly , your last sentence? = Yeah sure , it is a matter of waiting for what works.

[Iron_Man]

This guy sounds boring. Where did you meet him? Are you sure you want to settle for him?

[DishLady]

"Settle" isn't really a term to use here. We haven't even been out. Today is supposed to be our first date. That's why the over-the-top sexual stuff is really just awkward for me. Then he says this thing about watching me dance... and I just thought it was odd.

[Iron_Man]

You must’ve met him on a dating service. I don’t think he’s the guy for you. He’s looking for sex probably on the first date

[DishLady]

No, I don't use dating apps or anything like that. He's just a guy from my neighborhood. He seemed respectful enough when he was chatting me up the day we met, but we've been texting since last week and he's been... very focused on sexual stuff.

I don't do sex on the first date.

[Iron_Man]

He’s probably not the man for you. I wouldn’t get involved with somebody like that if I were you

[DishLady]

Agreed.

[Iron_Man]

👍….