Why do guys take advantage of nice girls??

[Anonymous]

It seems guys like to take advantage of nice innocent girls.Is this true? I'm a nice girl, but I'm not stupid and I have a good head on my shoulders and I'm not a pushover.Yet guys seem to always want to "hook up with me" but not get into a serious relationship.A guy once told me that I seem very sweet and innocent and a lot of guys are attracted to that therefore making them want to sleep with me but that a lot of guys will want to take advantage of me.Why? What happened to the good old days when a guy met a nice girl he would treat her with respect and if she wasn't so nice then he wouldn't be so nice to her.It just seems like guys these days are just dogs and want nothing than to hook up with women (good or bad) and leave them and don't even care about how they feel.Is it a vibe I'm giving off?I often times have thought about this and it seems every time I think negative thoughts they come true!

[TheDigitalSaint]

Here's why they do it:

Too many nice girls are easy targets. Nice girls, and nice guys tend to be trusting, often at the expense of their common sense. You can still be nice but also keep your eyes wide open for any potential warning signs that a guy is bad news. Does he have a temper? Has he ever hit you or something else? Does his conversations revolving around mature subject matter or is he always caught up with immature topics? Is he pushing you for sex?

The problem lies not only with the guys, but the girls themselves. Simply put, too many nice girls make excuses for the failures of not-so-nice boys. ("He only hit me once, and I started the argument, so I guess I kind of deserved it.") Nobody deserves to be disrespected, be it through physical means or emotional for that matter either. If you set your standards clearly early on in a relationship, the man will have to respect them otherwise you'll make good on your threat of leaving him, AND DO.

A lot of boys these days are growing up without father figures in their lives. This is a tragedy of untold proportions. When a young man isn't taught how to treat a woman, he'll revert back to selfish and immature behavior. Even boys that love their mothers need a man around, period. Men learn respect from other men. If a boy isn't taught to respect, he's going to struggle through much of life. I highly recommend you take a look at fatherless statistics and studies. I'd wager money that the non-so-nice boys you're dealing with have a disproportionately high number of bad or no relationship at all with their father, even a strong male figure period.

The problem as it relates to girls is that if the boy doesn't know how to respect by the time he meets you, he's not going to change just because you "mother" him or try to "change" him. Women make this mistake all the time! If he is a drug addict, he needs to seek help by HIMSELF and before he is in a relationship. Woman vastly overestimate their power over men when it comes to fixing their shortcomings. This has to do with trust and optimism, something most women have more of than men.

Last but not least, nice girls shouldn't be afraid to give the nice guys a chance. If you consistently end up with bad boys, you need to ask yourself, the girl, where are you meeting these people? Do I actually like bad boys? If so, what do I need to change personally to ensure I'm attracting the right type of attention? Start by examining yourself, keep your standards high and don't be afraid to flirt with that nice guy, he might just return the favor. ;-)

[Asker]

WOW.Thx for the advise.Its funny that you say this about fatherless children bcuz the guy I was dating grew up without a father.His father died when he was a baby ( so did mine) At the time I ignored the fact that he grew up without a father because 1: I could relate to him and 2: I didn't want to immediatley judge him based on that.At the time he seemed like a really honest upstanding guy but I guess that's what players do when they want to impress you.

[Littletad]

Well said.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Boys that grow up without fathers or at least a very strong male figure are often very high risk of getting into crime, abusive relationships, rape, murder, you name it. Boys that grow up without dad around literally have been sold short. For all the love a mother can give, she is no substitute for a father.

[Littletad]

Everyone can blame each other really...

But honestly, the smarter and wiser you are can help you determine who is worth going after. Or who is worth spending your time with. Surround yourself with knowledge of dating. Remember that many men do like to take advantage of nice woman and that there are players out there.

I'll give you a bit of advice on the subject. Never have sex on a first date, or too soon. Try to find a guy who is anxious to find out more about you. Someone who is willing to make you a priority and not a deadline. Good luck.

[Asker]

I usually am pretty smart when it comes to making judgements but I guess maybe he just caught me at a vulnerable time and I wasnt my usual self.Definitely I did not have sex on the first date neither the second or third.I made him wait a while but somehow that didn't work to my benefit in the end.

[Littletad]

Don't ever say that. There should be no substitute. If it didn't "work" in your benefit, then obviously he wasn't worth it. It's your right to hold sex for a while, to find out if he's really after you or just your body. You must realize that your worth far more than just letting it go so soon. If you offer to spend time with your date, and yet he is frustrated that no sex has occurred, then he is moronic.

[Simple-Simonette]

It's all about availability and ease. Naive girls, or nice girls, are easier to dupe and woo with compliments and charm. A "bad" girl, or one more experienced with men will tell the guy to f*** off and find someone more gullible to fall for their shenanigans. They would actually have to invest a little effort in being sincere. With experience, not just sexual experience mind you, you can see through the superficial charm.

Some guys also like to corrupt the innocent, it's a game to them. Bastards.

[gravygirl]

It's because they like it. They like the feeling of getting something they weren't supposed to have. And they definitely like treating a nice girl like a slut. It's flattering to them. Like in that way that any guy could do that with a slutty girl, but only they could do that with a good girl.

[JeVousAime]

Because he wants to play you, and doesn't want to be played!

[David-NewZealand]

I feel the same way you feel about women, but I try to remind myself that not all women are like this and that's what you need to do with guys. The guys that are how you describe tho probably see you as easy, a push over etc, its really good that you are not like this and that you stick up for yourself. People in general in society these days don't care less about anyone else its just about me me me and that is wrong. If your thinking negative thoughts about guys, men will pick up on it. Just like women pick up on men that are think negative thoughts about them. I know how you feel because I have many negative thoughts about women, but what we need to remember is that being in a relationship is not everything. You may see happy people out and about etc but trust me its not like that every minute of everyday.

[RhinoBob]

Rule of thumb: people can't take advantage of you unless you allow them to take advantage of you.

So: if you don't want casual hook ups, and you decline guys who want casual hook ups, the guys aren't taking advantage of you.

Ditto what the others said about people believing kindness = weakness. It can be that way, but not always. If you know you're not a pushover, then don't worry about that kind of stuff. Just be who you are, and do what you want in life. If someone wants something different from what you want, try to not take it personally. Just scratch their name from your list, and move on.

I think it's sad that few people do traditional dating or courtship any more. But I also think that lots of guys want a return of some of those older traditions. Just decide what you want and why you want it, stick to your decision, and you'll eventually meet someone who wants the same things.

Good luck!

[mackom7]

That's why it's called "taking advantage". You are 35 and you have certain mental advantages over a 15,16,17 year old. So, you can take advantage of them. That's why it's called that. When people are taken advantage of, they are usually weaker in some area. It's not about "LETTING" someone take advantage of you. Someone 'TAKES" because they are stronger than you in some way.

[EasyEC]

Do girls ever take advantage of "nice guys" ? >=]

[Littletad]

LOL

[Asker]

Sadly yes! I see it all the time! Not by me but by friends of mine.I see lots of girls who play nice guys and use them for their money.Then wonder why guys play them!!I don't do that and if a guy buys me lunch I like to return the favor.