My grandpa is dying... And I don't know how to deal with it. Suggestions?

[Anonymous]

My grandpa, who I am extremely close to is dying. Its really stressing me out, like REALLY stressing me out.



I'm developing an eating disorder, my grades are slipping ( they went from As and Bs to Ds and Fs), I'm afraid to have relationships with people because I'm afraid something bad will happen to them, and basically I'm screwed, and I've been snappy toward my parents for no reason at all. This is the first person I have had to watch die, and he was my best friend growing up. I can't fathom the idea of life with out him.

Have you ever gone through this, or am I just a basket case? If you have gone through this, how did you get through it?

Even if you haven't gone through this... Any suggestions?

[blueyedgrll]

Everyone copes with death in their own ways. Some people like to talk it out, others prefer the to be alone to their thoughts. You need to start thinking about the current moment and nothing more. Stop thinking about life without him and start thinking about what he would want you to do right now. Would he want you to be sad or see your grades suffer? I lost my dad when I was twelve to cancer, and grandparents before and after him, so I know what you're going through. You need to seperate your emotions from everything else going on in your life. I'm not saying hold them in and bottle them up. I'm saying take time aside to cry for him and think about all of the sad things you want. It's all about control. This isn't going to be the first time you're going to lose someone you love. Don't let that affect your future relationships. You'll be miserable, because you'll be alone. The saying no pain no gain really does relate to a lot of situations. Without the loss of something we love we'll never gain from it. One thing that I do regret before my dad died, it happened really fast, I was given the opportunity to speak with him one on one in the hospital while he still knew what was going on, and I chose not to. I really can't think of why I chose to do that, but I wish I would have had that time to tell him and ask him anything. So, do that with your grandpa. Sit down with him one on one and come to terms with his death. Tell him everything you would want to tell him so that you don't regret it later on. Spend time with him and try not to have any regrets. This will help you a lot after he has gone. You'll be more content with the time you had with him. Time heals everything, but this will always be with you. I'm 19 now and there's still days I miss and cry for my dad, but when its time to be serious I set those emotions aside and get done what needs to be done. That's what he would want me to do. Just be happy that you had the time to know him and to be so close to him :)

[chica1]

Sounds like you are suffering from some classic depression. Talk to your parents about getting in to see a counselor. Talking these things out can really help. It was rough for me when my grandma died. She was pretty much my favorite person on earth. It was really hard realizing she would never meet my hubby, that she wouldn't be at my wedding, that she wouldn't know my kids, that I would never see her at holidays, eat pizza on the floor with her again, or just spend a night painting nails and talking about life. I felt lucky though that at least I knew it was coming and had time to tell her goodbye. I cried a lot, made some dumb decisions, but basically just end up having to work it out. I'm not saying it isn't hard and that I don't still miss her but time has healed a lot of the hurt. Sometimes I forget she is dead, as if she is still a part of my life and I think she must be around watching out for me or I just wouldn't feel that way. Things will feel like that for you eventually as well...even if it takes a long time. You will definitely always have that part of you missing but sharing memories will help and as you grow older you will find more people to love and fill your life with, and eventually share the memories of your grandpa with. I love looking at my kids and looking for parts of them that remind me of my nana.

[ivarei]

i had the same thing happen to me. but you can't allow your grandfather's illness and eventual death to sabotage your relationships, it's not what he would have wanted. if it's possible, you should talk to your grandfather about it. I lost my poppy to thrombocytopenia, he died on the morning of my 8th grade graduation...i didn't allow myself to mourn his death until earlier this year and it really hurt me. he was my best friend, we went fishing together, played hide & seek, watched movies, he taught me to play poker and to throw a frisbee. he was with me when my dog passed away. he was really important person in my life, but you need to remember that in years to come, your grandfather will be what you remember of him and you can't allow sour memories get in the way. take every opportunity you have to tell him you love him while you still can. I'm tearing up just writing this, but I know exactly what you're going threw.

[Asker]

Im sorry to hear that, somebody had to go through the same thing as I am right now.

I get what you are saying about not letting it sabotage my life though... your right, its not what he would want.

Thanks for sharing, it helps to hear things like this!

:)

[katiegal]

Yes its really sad and I'm sorry,but my advice is to spend time with him in the last time and tell him how much you love him.And do not worry,God will take care of him :) Death is a part of our life,everyone went and will go trough this ,that's why we should enjoy every good moment in life. Id advice is to talk to ur parents,and pls do not hurt yourself,what kind of eating disorder? Ur grandpa wants you to stay healthy and happy,belive me,so be strong.Talk to you parents or to a good friend.

It is rally hard I know,my best friend's dad died a couple of years ago,i was with her at the whole time,i know how it is kinda...Surround yourself with people you love and ask for help if you need,as its obviously a difficult time.

God bless you,message me if you need any help

[palek]

My grandmother was my best friend in life. I began living with her when I was 15, and stayed til I was 18. We had a bond that I've never experienced with another person, including my ex wife of 23 years. I was in my early 20's when she died suddently from a heart attack. I was absolutely devestated. I made it a point of "manhood" not to cry in those days, but I cried like a baby the day she died, and found myself prone to tears for some weeks after. I found it hard to even eat for several days. She was the first person I had lost who was close to me. I know you're young, but try and understand that death is going to be a part of living. You'll bury others who are dear to you over time, and each time will be hard, but it does become a little more bearable after the very first. Try and remember, your grandfather is a big part of what makes you the way you are. He lives on through you, and as you get older, you'll pass a part of him on to your future children. In a way, if you fall apart now, you're letting your grandpa down. Be brave and have as much good time with each other as is possible. Tell him how much he helped you prepare for life, and show him also by finding strength. Force yourself to move forward, and remember, your grief will subside over time, but the memory will never abate even one bit.

[luvLloyd]

I am really sorry to hear about this. Hope you make it through. It takes time to heal. Sorry, I can't offer my advice, but my sincere sorry for what is going on. Stay tough!