How to people with BPD act when they have a crush?

[Coulis]

Anyone in the GaG community living with the disorder or has been involved with someone either suspected or diagnosed please share.

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+1 y

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disruption

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+1 y

DISORDER not "disruption". So sorry. I hate spellcheck.

[Kaneki05]

Oh i am pretty much an expert on this topic after so many ex's with it. Plus just me liking to learn psychology anyway.
Bpd crush is pretty much just them jumping from 0-10 very quickly they want to develop a co-dependent relationship with you, hoping you will never leave. But then.. this is were bpd get's ironically in the way of what they want. They get so close but then get scared and back off or pull back somehow.

Because in there head your gonna leave them anyway so why not just end it now. Since everyone leaves them. But then they will revert back to nope i need you to be here again. And thus a loop forms.

They want something but also want to stop themselves getting hurt. But in doing so it don't help get what they want.

[Kaneki05]

In the end there is 2 way's to ultimately deal with it. Leave them for good, do not get trapped back into when they try to reach out just stay dead to wind with them, they will eventually move to someone else and hopefully it will work out. Or stay and be caring and learn how to cope with it all. Much more difficult but can be done.
I've seen both. I would rather stay myself, but then again after my last experience i swore off another bpd girl. But they always have that way of attracting me, or i attract them. Tbf i have a clingy personality so it kinda does work out. Just haven't figured it out fully with someone yet.

[Coulis]

I'm not clingy. I keep rebuffing them and I see them turning in this cycle.

This person is married. So I was like oh whoa bye. They've even dragged their family in front of my house 3 or 4 times and were very cold with them.

I've said leave me alone and they tried to deny they ever even pursued me.

I was with a vulnerable narcissist for 11 years so I can smell a gaslight from miles away.

I said straight I'm not crazy if you want to lie that's between you and God but leave me alone.

I left for a week and they sit outsode my house when theu don't have to work.

He's showed up on holidays when he should be with his family.

It's just he wants to see every twitch, switch and step I make and anyone associated with me makes.

I am starting to pity this person. I don't want to move. The finny thing is, it's so intense and crazy and we don't even have each other's phine numbers. We've never been alone together even.

[Kaneki05]

Sounds more like a stalker tbh. Often bpd is they need to form a connection first, like they normally wouldn't start seeing you as a thing to cling to until they have your phone number, have been alone with you etc. This just sounds like a person wanting what he can't have which is more stalker territory.
Also if they had Bpd and couldn't control it, they would be co-dependent to the one there married too. Which only way's to stop them is retraining order's or hope they find a new obsession after getting bored. But also another weird ironic thing, is stalker's often lose interest once they can have the one they been wanting.
But i wouldn't suggest trying that cause it could go wrong. But there is data that shows, basically there pathology is more the chase.

[Coulis]

I thought he was just an awkward dude at first. We both said we wanted to be together then the whole truth came out. Then things intensified.

[Coulis]

We had formed one.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Coulis Call the cops on his ass.

[Coulis]

For staring in the MENA region? LOOOOL

[Jamie05rhs]

What is the MENA region? I'm confused. I don't know what that means.

[Jamie05rhs]

I was talking about his creepy stakeout outside of your house.

[Coulis]

Middle East North Africa.

[Coulis]

He left midday from work todY. He's calming down. My vibe is different. He senses it. He'll stop

[Jamie05rhs]

@Coulis Is that where you live? I didn't know; sorry.

[Coulis]

No, I dont have it on my. profile. You're awesome as always

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, @Coulis! :)

[Woke51]

People with BPD feel emotionally disconnected from the world. When they have a crush, they feel like they have finally found that connection.

They become obsessive because they feel like this person is the only or one of the few sources to feel that connection, to be understood. They will try really hard to be with that person which, ironically, repels them.

People with BPD will get upwards or downwards mood swings depending on whether they got attention they wanted or not.

[Coulis]

So why do they push away those who reciprocate?

[Woke51]

Oh, good question. Because they want their relationship/connection to be as deep as possible as fast as possible, they might feel like they have overshared or overinvested in that person or that they picked the wrong person in the first place.

[Coulis]

Say a non BPD peeson tires of the weirdness of push/pull and mind games and asks to be left alone. Would stalking and other obsessive behaviours follow if the non BPD chooses not to engage with them?

[Woke51]

Well... BPD is basically a major fear of abandonment to the point where it has a 10% suicide rate. If you ask them to leave you alone or ignore them, that's like their biggest fear.

But you can't be enabling bad behavior either. So you would have to find a balance where you're supportive towards them and have them respect your personal space and boundaries.

That is if you care about keeping in contact with them.

[Coulis]

Can I pm you?

[Woke51]

Yeah, sure.

[exitseven]

I had to look up to see what that meant but I think id somebody with BPD had a crush on somebody they would be obsessed with you and will not behave rationally. Then if you reciprocated it would be all kinds of crazy after that. Jealousy, paranoia and rage might follow.

[Coulis]

So my next question will be how to get someone with BPD to stop obsessing over you.

[exitseven]

can I pm you?

[Coulis]

years, we follow each other

[exitseven]

So are we talking about the police chief or the guy in the supermarket? You are not talking about me , are you? 😀

[Coulis]

No, the dude across the street.

[Schizoaffective]

I feel my ex was borderline or at least it was a form of depression
Relationship is super co dependent, I was like the center of her world and her main support system.
But then when I broke it off I quickly shifted to someone evil
Every time she tries to reach out, I
shift from being the love of her life to the most evil person ever lol
It's super toxic

[Coulis]

Yes, I am not with this persin but I can just feel them draining me. Their whole focus is just anchored on my presence. I can't avoid them.

How likely are borderlines to harm you when they get obsessed?

[Avicenna]

The one I ended up dating was very excited about me while she was crushing

[Coulis]

Are you still together?

[Avicenna]

No way. It never works with someone who has BPD. I'm just glad I got out of there safely.

[Coulis]

Did she stalk you afterwards?

[Avicenna]

She stalked me on social media, yes.

[OpenWine]

had been together with one tho she has more than just bipolar disorder

[AmeerX]

What is BPD? Bipolar disorder right?

[Coulis]

No Borderline Personality Disorder

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

What is BPD?

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

Oh I see so err what is that all about then?

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

Make a fake account of someone better than you, get the person interested in the fake account and then boom their focus will be off you. God I'm good

[Coulis]

This is in real life. But thank you.

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

right well you'd need to give me some more details, pm if you like

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

It's the police chief in your apartment place?

[Coulis]

Yes, don't know if I want to bring it up.

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

thats okay, no worries.
a little question how did he get your number?

[Coulis]

Who?

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

you told me he calls you when you get home

[Coulis]

Oh the PC he just wants me to teach him English and was just shy to ask. We cool.

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

Ohh okay, still do not forget that you didn't choose to continue. you came here because you felt uncomfortable.

[Coulis]

Ok, thanks.