Should a girl tell her friends/boyfriend/husband she’s “autistic”?

[Anonymous]

Hi! I’m wondering about something personal and would love some honest opinions. I’ve been diagnosed with autism, but I’m not disabled. I can be a bit unusual, people often laugh when I talk, even though I’m not making jokes so they probably just see me as amusing or shy? I don’t really know what they think and I can’t ask since they’re not my friends.

I’m worried that if I marry someone and tell them, they might think I’m lying or that it was an overdiagnosis (which it could be, how can I know? What if I find out too late and my husband thinks I lied?).

I do makeup and I’m very consistent with it. I hear lots of people say that autistic people shouldn’t be pretty or care about their appearances or it would mean they’re not autistic.

I do have the diagnosis from a psychiatrist. But what if he got it wrong? What if I tell my husband but then learn 10 years later the psychiatrist got it wrong? My husband will be weirded out or he will think I lied!

So my question is: should I tell them from the start? Or wait until there’s a reason to mention it casually, like if they notice something and ask? Or maybe it’s simpler to not say anything at all?

[BriamG22]

Hii,

Even though you have been diagnozed, since its not hindering your social connections nor your capacity and caparbilities to function, I wish that you're able to not have the diagnosis dictate your thought process and to just be yourself!

With regards to your friends laughiing; I hope that they are not doing it out malice or ill intent. Sone people can be quirky, and sometimes they may do things that make people laugh but its not malicious.

For example, I have a friend who is very stoic in his expressions and has an incredibly monotous tone. Many times, he'll deliver tragic news or bring up unfortunate events around the world but his delivery is so deadpan I'll crack up. But iits not him that I'm laughing at but more the overall situation.

At thr end of the day whether or not you decide to tell them is up to you. It depends on how much you feel they need to know, would it be better or easier for you?

I personally think you should just at least tell the ones close to you; it is always good to have some people around you that understands your situation should anything happen. I think its good thag a romantic partner is told as well but just take it slow, find the right timing to tell the people you want to tell.

If it was a migdianosis that is confirmed later in life, I'm sure you would still have the original diagnosis report so you don't have to worry about being branded a liar.

I truly hope you're able to work things out!!

[aaron13547]

No you should just be yourself and not worry about it. You are not autistic. You are a lot of "good" things. But autistic is what someone else told you because you are different from them. Why is you being autistic bad and them being normal good? It's because there are more normal people then not that what makes normal normal... so love yourself and be yourself you being able to make people laugh is a superpower don't let someone else make it your curse. I have high functioning autism... most people never no because I don't tell them. If it comes up I'm not afraid to share the fact I am just like I told you. Like when we get mad people only know yours mad because you show them by screaming or doing something they see the emotions coming out of you. When I get mad I still feel the emotions but It's my choice if I show them or not. I can be mad but still act calm... you can be autistic and still act normal... high functioning autism has become my superpower instead of my weakness. I tell people with pride when I do tell people but most the time I don't think about it I just live the life I want and be my own normal everyone else's normals don't matter to me

[aceleon]

how do you know you are autistic aside from the diagnosis? like what were your symptomes? you said high functioning so you clearly don't have it too recognizible to begin with.

[aaron13547]

You can't see it looking it me. But people know when I talk because of the way I think, the things i say, how i say it, stuff like that. My solution to that isn't to let the way they see me influence how I do things. I use to not talk now. I talk more. The way I am makes more people like me then dislike me and the kind of people that did dislike aren't worth tryin to be someone else to get to know. I didn't mean we aren't autistic... imagine it like everyone is just like you and to be normal is really to be autistic. We are different yes, that is a fact, but we make it a good fact or bad fact ourselves sometimes

[aaron13547]

You asked how people know I'm autistic, it when I'm talking to you is dont like to hold eye contact, it's when someone is sarcastic i have a hard time knowing, it's when I do something in 3s because it's just how I like to do things. The things they say make me autistic are the things that make me me... I learned someone else can call it anything it's not going change i am me. Loving myself has become my "cure"

[aceleon]

do something in 3s? i don't know what that means (not a native English speaker if this is a slang i don't get what it means)
you have issues with sarcasm? what about idioms or hyperboles?
i wondered if i could be autistic too (more likely because i have ocd that makes me that causes me to be a hypochondriac.) but as far as i see i have only 1 thing that i am not entirely sure about if i have it or not, literal thinking, i have a very visual mind, i am drawing since maybe 2 or 3 and especially when i'm reading a sentence that is not in my native language even though i immediately know what that suppose to mean i can't help but visualize at least a part of the idiom, not always though)
i don't have routines (to be honest i dislike routines)
i don't have issues with social cues
i don't have sensory i, ssues even though my senses are remarkebly sharp, like i hear extremely good but i'm not bothered by anything
i don't have eye contact issues either, yes i can't but not because it is a problem but because i can't look anything directly my eyes can't help but wonder, issue is not the eye contact it is me not being able to look anything directly.
i don't have special interests, my interests are ever changing.
overall i really don't feel like autistic but i'm not so sure about whether my way of thinking is literal/concrete like autism or not (like i said, i understand what i hear or read (not remember because i used them before) but because i'm so visual about it especially when i read (i likely have hyperphantasia)

[aceleon]

also what i visualize is not always what the idiom says completely, like when i see the sentence ''he saw red'' i visualize a guy who has shining red eyes who looks like he is trying to not go into a rage.

[aaron13547]

I didn't tell you that stuff for you to go looking for problems... you are worrying to much about it. That's making a problem...

[aceleon]

umm... dude, i said i have ocd, worrying too much about it is literally what that is all about.

[aaron13547]

Anxiety is worrying. Ocd. Is being obsessive and compulsive. You are not your thoughts you are the awareness that has the thoughts... a problem is only a problem when we make it a problem. Transform those negative thoughts and emotions into something positive. Use the way you care about everything and worry to do something productive instead of find more problems. I didn't mean to seem rude I once thought like you. Its very difficult to change a bad habit into a good one but it's very possible.

[aceleon]

dude, thanks for your positive outlook, but my thing is not like yours, there is no superpower inside ocd, it is just crippling, as an autistic person you at least have symptomes you could use it to your advantage like special interests.
with ocd i have nothing but crippling obsessions that makes me want to be no more and the pain and fatigue from constant anxiety.
autism, adhd or perhaps some other clinical things can be used as a power
ocd is just an open scar that bleeds endlessly only difference is that it doesn't grace you with an end like actual bleeding scars does out of blood loss, you just suffer till who knows when.

[aaron13547]

I have been diagnosed with ocd as well. If you say so... I say different and my life proves it. All is mind.

[aceleon]

i wanna ask something, your sentences are hard to read, are you not a native English speaker either or is it due to another thing?

[aaron13547]

Dm me if you want to talk more.

[Pohjolan]

You don't need to bring it up on the first date but you should mention at some point that you are a high functional autist.

[AngryCarl2]

They probably know already, but she can tell them she has a diagnosis. Why not?

[jahaims]

You sound autistic af.