Ladies, how do I tell my wife she should get a tummy tuck?

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure my wife wants to get a tummy tuck but she never talks about it directly. Before she had our kids 5 and 4 years ago she used to walk around naked all the time, loved her body and was very out going that way, both privately and in the clothes she wore out as well.

Since having the kids however, that has all stopped. Her body has generally returned to it's former beauty all except for her stomach. Her muscles never returned to normal and her skin never fully tightened up. It seems fine to me, granted it was better before, but it's not the end of the world as I see it, she's still the girl of my dreams (and yes I let her know that all the time).

Unfortunately, she still seems very uncomfortable with herself and is no where near as outgoing with her body as she was pre-kids. She even now prefers to have the lights low or off when we're having fun (which also doesn't happen anywhere near as often) whereas before, the brighter the lights were, the more fun she had. In fact, outdoors in the sun was her preference!

She`s done as much as she can to improve the situation, but certain things can`t be improved with all the weight training and aerobics in the world. I feel like she probably wants a tummy tuck, or at the very least, she would feel much better about herself after having one, and that`s probably the only thing that will help at this point. Unfortunately, on her own she doesn't have the money to do it, and she obviously doesn't want to talk about it, and therefore won`t ask me to pay for it either.

So the question is, how do I let her know I will pay for it, if she does in fact want to do it, without making her feel even worse about herself, especially if that doesn't even turn out to be the problem? I'm about 99% sure it is, but if it's not, I don't want to make her self-conscious about something she maybe has come to terms with and I don`t want to accidentally push her to get a surgery that maybe she doesn't want.

She just seems unhappy with how she looks, and I just want to help her more comfortable with herself, but I also don't want to risk making her more unhappy in the process.

I'm sure some people are going to suggest other solutions other than a tummy tuck, but even for those alternatives, what's the best way to bring up the conversation without making her feel worse about herself than she already appears to?

Any suggestions?

[relationshipDNA]

You have to talk to her. Plain and simple. It is a tricky subject because she's not open about it, but it can easily be solved with a simple conversation.

Everything you mentioned here, can be and should be mentioned to her. Tell her that you think she's as gorgeous as ever, and that you miss seeing her walk around the house naked and doing it in the "light" with her. Ask her why doesn't she do that anymore. She'll be forced to either answer or she may even try to avoid the conversation.

In this situation, you're trying to let her know that you've got her back and that you're willing to help her out anyway you can. Whatever she says to you ask her the follow up one two punch.

Is there anything I can do to help you feel sexier or better? Because I honestly think you're perfect, but I don't think you feel you are, so tell me what can I do to help. Anything you want. I'll do it. Your wish is my command. Get in her face this one...look her in eyes and get in her space.

This should do 3 things:

1 Give her confidence that you still find her attractive

2 Let her know that you are willing to help her get what she wants

3 Make you look like a God with powers. *Anytime my husband says I can have whatever I want...he gets whatever he wants! ; 0

Good luck!

[crookthings]

So, from all of this, I get the impression that you mostly just want her to be happy with how she looks, whether that means a tummy tuck or not. Maybe that's what she's trying to do right now, trying to feel good about herself without surgery. It feels really good to have self-esteem that's independent of what you actually look like (and it comes in handy when you're 70 and you KNOW the general consensus is that you're unattractive but you don't give a crap), and many insecure people try years and years to do that.

I have a pretty big belly, and even though I generally love my body, I used to get self-conscious about just my stomach in the bedroom. You know what changed everything? My boyfriend was taking off my shirt and I stopped him to say I wasn't feeling comfortable with it tonight. He said, "Can I help?" I tentatively said, "Sure," and he got down by my stomach and practically made love to it. He kissed it, he rubbed it, he squeezed it, he "nuzzled" it, and he said, "I love every single bit of you." I literally cried and I've never hid my belly since.

I think if you show that YOU have accepted it as a part of her and how beautiful she is, it'll make a world of difference to her feelings about herself.

[Asker]

Trust me, I do show her and tell her how hot she is all the time. The problem is that she prefers how she used to look and doesn't like how she looks now. Nothing I can say will change that. Her preference is her preference and If she were able to exercise it away, she would, believe me she's tried, but the problem is not something that can be fixed by anything other than surgery, but she doesn't have the money to afford it.

[kaelbear]

I'd hope my husband could be honest with me and just ask me outright what was wrong. It's understandable that she might not like her body now, having kids can do that to some women, and no amount of diet and exercise will make that skin go back to how it once was, that can only be done surgically. she probably wants to look her best for you but knows she doesn't anymore, hence why she doesn't want to have sex as much, especially with lights on. I think the best thing to do is the next time you try to be intimate with her and she refuses, just come clean and say why don;t you want to anymore? and if she says she's just too tired that's her way of saying she hates the way she looks, in which case tell her that you would do anything in the world to make her happy, to see her be confident again and be the woman you fell in love with. remind her that you think she's beautiful just as she is but you don't think she feels the same way about herself and you want to help change that, and take it from there. best of luck

[Kenneth14621]

I am not going to lie. I don't think you should. I mean what if she gains weight and rips her stomach or gets severe stretch marks? I didn't read the whole thing but I read the question.

[ClaircognizantEmpath]

hi there, well as a woman who has suffered 21 years of mom body issues im thrilled to read your post... and straight off the bat... i would print off your post and who knows maybe my response to show her... of course i can only give my own perspective... but this would show me without a doubt that your thoughts on her tummy surgery are about her... im in the same boat my body is in pretty good shape for my age but my abdominal area, is damaged from 21yrs ago... and around 75% of pregnancies will leave a woman with separated ab muscles... so those babies need to be stitched back together and excess fat and skin removed... i do have a thought for you although i have no clue in regard to her breasts... especially if she breast fed.. so imagine this im in front of the mirror and pull my loose tummy around and almost hide it as if id had surgery then the view upward of my breasts is like oh dear,,, i had breasts that sat on my chest b cup, after babies, c cup and about a two inch drop... so im just about to pay a deposit for surgery next year... im opting for a tummy tuck and breast uplift, no implants i just want my body back before babies... I've felt awful shame and confusion, as to why i just can't except i have two wonderful babies for that damage... and plus 20 years has not changed me... im single and I've decided its what i want... everyday i look in the mirror and despise the bits of me i can't change myself, despite my efforts... and im uk and you know what makes me mad, if someone eats themselves to obesity they can get a gastric band on the nhs, then after weight loss, get their excess skin removed tummy tuck etc... but as a mum, who has a bloating belly, distended, organs not being kept in their correct place, mental health issues about it, withdrawn from physical contact etc, they won't help you... im here to have a chat with both you and your wife if you like... anytime... xxx have you looked online for tummy tucks or mommy makeovers before and afters? its a great way to find a similar body shape for reference... and finding a good surgeon too... the first surgeon to suggest only a breast uplift without implants was a woman strangely enough, all the males insisted i needed implants despite my rejection... now to me, this is two possible things, the men are creating images of females in their own images of perfection and second in ten years id need either removal or replacement... so my only advice would be when it is approached and if you get on to the breast area, do not go near implants... and do not let her get drawn into bbl... either.. what country are u?

[Burnette01]

You could say, "Honey, I'm going to work out and I need motivation. I know I can't do it by myself, so could you do it with me?" After you work out ask her what she's targeting (as in what area is she trying to lose weight). If she really is insecure about her belly she'll tell you that she's targeting to lose weight in her belly. But before you ask her that tell her where you're targeting. Dramatize it a little bit. Be all like "I really need to lose weight, but you don't. I'm so glad you're doing this with me."

Then if she told you she's targeting her belly, just tell her "You know, it's quicker just to get a tummy tuck. You don't need it, but if it will make you feel better just get one. I'll support you and pay for the whole thing. I love you more than anything and I just want you to be happy."

Good luck!

[Asker]

See it's not really anything that exercise will fix though. She's spent the last few years trying to exercise it away, and as a result the rest of her looks the same or better than she did pre-kids, but her abdomenal muscles were separated as a result of a very big baby, and that's not something excercise will fix.

I realize your scenario sets up an opportunity to bring the subject up outside of an intimate moment when she's already feeling vulnerable. Worth considering, thanks!

[K1nkyK1ttenXx]

You might not be active on here anymore --- I do realize this is a year old... but I searched tummy tuck on here as I am considering one but can't afford one myself either. I cry just about every night over my tummy. I also have diastasis recti (separation of the muscles) and you are right---no exercise works!!! I have had a consultation with a plastic surgeon but that one wanted like 17 grand for a mommy makeover... so I decided to research and go elsewhere---Miami does them for a lot less, just researching good board certified plastic surgeons... so I am considering going there. Just scared to go alone. I think it is amazing you are willing to offer to pay. My boyfriend cannot afford it either.
Is there any update on this? Did she ever get one? Was this ever solved?

[peace-love-couture]

If she hasn't brought it up, don't make all sorts of assumptions and DO NOT bring it up. If she's feeling bad about herself she'll without a doubt feel even worse if you bring it up. In her mind, you bringing it up will only confirm and validate that she isn't sexy in your eyes.

Try planning a romantic night or something, so she can be more relaxed and make her feel sexy again. Maybe pick something out that you want her to wear so that she'll know you don't mind her body. Let her know she's the girl of your dreams

[kheserthorpe]

Lulz.