If your boyfriend thinks you're ugly, what should you do?

Question

If your boyfriend or girlfriend tells you that you're unattractive(face wise) to them or that you're ugly, what should you do?

Try to permanently fix what he dislikes about you through surgery? Change up your hair style & color, wear a bit more makeup and try losing or gaining weight? Dump him(as you internet white knights will rush to suggest)? Just accept that he's with you for your lovely personality?

I won't thumb anyone down on this, fyi. Maybe I'll thumb up, maybe I won't. But no thumbs down!

BrighteyedAsh · Accepted Answer

Very hard answer here.

It could go either way.

Some people are eager to become the best person they can be, going so far as to allow in the opinions of others far more than necessary. (Myself included, at least in matters of family.)

Otherwise, some people prefer to stick to whatever train of thought that allows most comfort and has others conform to THEM.

It works because both types exist, and in mixed dosages in each person.

Personally, girl, I think you're gorgeous, no lie. I would hope you would never let someone bring you down or make you feel like you're not good enough. The only person, I BELIEVE, we should ever change for, is ourselves. If HE actually thinks otherwise, and it's not misguided anxiety, he's crazy and needs to take another look.

I have had exes with specifications that I paid mind to. I've also had exes who got DUMPED for suggesting I lose weight. Hmph.

I have personal high standards as it is. I'm not stuck in my ways or ever ready to settle for a version of myself that I feel isn't my best, and usually, whatever I think that means I need to improve on, I do it. But, having said that, I can not imagine getting surgery. The rest though,I'm experimental with my looks in some manner. I might with little more than positive reinforcement make temporary surface changes. (Hair color, less makeup...trying a bold new style...etc.)

My current boyfriend handles these things perfectly. I think he went to girlfriend boot camp at some point. He's always ready with a compliment, and when I call myself fat, he tells me I'm gorgeous exactly how I am. (And then I tell him I'm unhappy with my weight, and he says whatever I feel like doing is on me, and that he thinks I'm beautiful regardless. I definitely think every girl needs a boyfriend like that, but that's just me.)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Something similar has actually happened to me before. He said I wasn't as attractive as the other girls he'd dated. He also said I was heavier than any of the previous girls he'd dated (I was about 145 pounds at the time, so not even remotely fat, just not super skinny). It was degrading and humiliating and I immediately dumped him, but when I said we were over, he said "No, I'm dumping YOU!"

So yeah, that was weird and awful. I'd already lost a ton of weight so men would notice me as something other than a gross slob. Would I go as far as plastic surgery? Of course not.

Dump someone like that - that's always the best option.

Account · Accepted Answer

I'd dump him. I'd rather be with someone who finds me physically attractive.

That doesn't necessarily mean I won't try to fix myself.

I am always trying to fix for myself. It's just that... I wouldn't do it for just a guy.

I don't get it why would someone approach you in the first place, if he doesn't think you're attractive enough for him.

Why would I change myself for one person when I can find another guy who desires me as I am?

Even cosmetic surgery doesn't make you perfect because different people like different things.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If my girlfriend says that I'm unattractive I would respond by saying what the hell is she doing with me anyway and then end the relationship right there.

What does that inadvertently say about her? If she's 'settling'?

Relationships (imo) involve some sort of compromise but I still think there's got to be at least a little bit of attraction there. I mean like why would I want to be with someone who basically says that she's "settling" for me when I know I deserve better.

Even if you change yourself/your style/hair color or w/e wouldn't it sort of be like one sided love in a way?

If I basically accept that she's with me for my personality it's sort of like admitting defeat or inadvertently telling myself that I really can't do any better when I know I can and deserve better.

Alonso14 · Accepted Answer

I would probably tell them to f*** off and then never speak to them again.

Sure I understand that in dating no one really gets the partner they want and everyone is basically settling for what they can get but you are at least supposed to keep up the illusion that you find the other person highly attractive.

thisusername2 · Answer

I would dump him. Any changes one does to their appearance should be done for oneself, not for others. Everyone should be with someone who they find attractive and vice versa. Anyone who is with someone they do not find attractive is not doing anyone any favours.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

I'd leave him. First of all, there is no logical reason a guy would date a woman he thought was ugly. Unless he cannot do better but force himself to be with a woman he finds unattractive, or he just wants to lower your self esteem in order to abuse you later on.

I don't put up with insults.don't like me? Shouldn't have started dating me. I can find another man who likes what I have to offer.

CatholicVirginia · Answer

You'd have to dump him, I think. How can you have a relationship with no attraction? I don't think there's a way he can confess that he thinks you're ugly and make it okay. Either he says it rudely, or he confesses it and has been lying to you this whole time. Plus, if he appreciates your personality, you become pretty to him. So why doesn't he think you're pretty?

redridinghood · Answer

I do like a guy that nvr think I'm pretty and attractive and always telling me how other girl look good and attractive thou he say he like me...fake to me thou...and he even told will be better if I go do something with my breast -.-

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LexiNinja · Answer

I wouldn't be with him in the first place. Like seriously, if you find me so unattractive why are you with me. Go find another chick who is. I would never stoop to the level of changing myself for a guy. Never.

caligirl3 · Answer

To me it sounds like the start of an abusive relationship. Cause if someone thought you were ugly they wouldn't date you in the first place. So it sounds like they are trying to dominate and break down their partner so I would run

SDj-9 · Answer

Wow. That's so rude thing to say to your partner... I just don't know what is he/she doing in that relationship then.

ja123 · Answer

Dump him  I would never change myself to please someone else,if he is my boyfriend he should like me for what I am,or at least pretend too.

Betwyn · Answer

I'd be sorely tempted to get the best surgery to fix this... Blind him... But I'd settle for just kicking him to the curb like the trash he is...

sourpatchchik2 · Answer

Leave him for a boyfriend that doesn't think I'm ugly.

Anonymous · Answer

That will hurt me definitely and I won't hesitate to break up with him.I don't think I able to be with someone who don't find me attractive.It also shows that he likes me for something else.

RedSmartie · Answer

I would dump any guy immediately if he said that to me.  I don't know why he'd be with me in the first place if he thought I was ugly, but I certainly wouldn't go changing my face for some douche bag.

bel42 · Answer

I'd break up with him. I want to be with someone who finds me attractive.

Anonymous · Answer

Like Popeye once wisely said " I is what I is" so I would be fine with what I look like and fine with what she would think.

emzy-89 · Answer

Give him the flick, he's clearly a d***!

Opalivian · Answer

Love at first sight? I think not...

Anonymous · Answer

you should dump him for being like that too you

Anonymous · Answer

id dump him

posted · Answer

Massive surgery.

If your boyfriend thinks you're ugly, what should you do?

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