How do you deal with an avoidant attachment personality relationship partner/ situationship? Recently I realized they have that personality?

I realize the only way is to leave. Thinking it over and understanding this relationship is going nowhere, how do you stop thinking of that person? I won't be reaching out to her anymore, yet the process of grieving the loss of that bond we once shared is not easy. I can't be waking up at night multiple times haunted by the loss, having headaches... focusing on hobbies doesn't do much, she's always in the back of my mind and I can't stand it anymore, I know she sure as hell is not losing sleep over me. They were the first person I opened up to, I never let my guard down before... I hope anyone reading this understands how much it hurts. Thank you for your replies and kindness in advance. Thanks to all who helped on my first question too.

PeachyPie93

Guru Age: 32

I honestly am sorry you are going through this, it can be so tough to get over someone you still love. It just takes time and doing things to move on in life, I personally been through this and its been 2 years and I'm still not over it. Which really sucks when you know the other person probably doesn't even miss or care about you.

NeverTrustingAgain

1 y
Thank you, I'm sorry you've been through this too, the worst part is that glimmer of hope that keeps lingering. It's like they give breadcrumbs of being there but still keep on with their avoidant patterns. I don't know how to explain everything I feel right now. It hurts, even when I catch them to have a conversation when they can, it is barely ten minutes of talking and that's after 6 months of sporadic texts and not even in real time talking

Reply
PeachyPie93

1 y
You really should cut it off completely.. bread crumbing just keeps you there longer, and will add more pain. I completely cut all contact and deleted him everywhere.. and then he put all the blame on me, and said that I was the horrible one. When if I was the right person for him, he would have been more into the relationship and made it official but I was never who he wanted I was just a placeholder for him while he was looking for someone "better".

Reply
NeverTrustingAgain

1 y
I feel so too, a placeholder and with that, I was never really someone she wanted, ever. I only served as a temporary distraction while she had trouble in her life, she thought someone else could fill that void she felt. But now I see she realized it was a mistake and is not wanting to admit it. I ended up being the hurt one while she is acting indiferent now. I guess it's a lesson learned. I have deleted the app yesterday only to install it again after a few hours feeling conflicted. And of course, I would also look like a bad one if I cut it off. Whats the use staying if we can't have a real conversation anymore.

Reply
PeachyPie93

1 y
Yeah, I did that multiple times myself. Delete and readd.. and he would always readd me and say he loves me to then just ignore my texts for like a week at a time.. I couldn't understand it.
You could always leave it and just not text her, that might feel easier and so you don't have any regrets, that maybe you did something wrong.

Reply
NeverTrustingAgain

1 y
I don't understand it either. Why do they say they love, only to disappear again? And like a fool I make a mistake again replying and of course I get let down again the minute I do. It's like they want to know you're still there, but at the same time they don't want to engage at all. I should take the advice of leaving it there, but not interacting. I feel so used and undervalued. Nobody deserves to feel like this

Reply
PeachyPie93

1 y
I don't know other than I think they just are craving an ego boost at our expense..
I am really sorry.. absolutely no one should have to feel this pain. I hope the pain gets easier for you soon.

Reply
PeachyPie93

1 y
I just read this, it is a little long but an interesting take that might make you feel a bit better.
www.reddit.com/.../

Reply
NeverTrustingAgain

1 y
Thank you so much for this, it was a really accurate post- the Eu will keep a person at arms length and ghost and slowfade. It describes her so well. Yesterday me and her briefly talked and of course I got my hopes up we could at least have an hour to catch up but no. She just made me believe we would. She only wanted a recent scoop of what is happening in my life and me falling for that, opening up only to have her say she has to do xyz and go suddenly, she never even shared about herself, what is going in her life like I did. And all this lasted not even ten minutes. I feel so stupid and pathetic. She once again danced around the question when I asked how she was doing. The answer was ' I'm good. I have to do xyz later and go to the store' as if setting up an exit strategy. And with that, the conversation was over. And it's always like this. She has no regret that she makes me hurt and I told her how she makes me feel. Same again- she has to really go and do chores. I mean, f that. What a fool I am. I told her days before, that I'll only go into detail about myself if she finds time to really listen and we re-connect like we used to. But I was used again. She should read that post and someone should tell her she is an avoidant attachment style person. I really hate myself now and feel pathetic and used. Whatever someone says about me, I had it coming. I should have just left her hanging and not hoped she'd change

Reply
PeachyPie93

1 y
That sucks so much.. but don't feel pathetic, just know it has really nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Slowly work on being able to pull away from her and not cave, because the dynamic you once had is now gone and no matter what you do it won't come back. Slowly practice fading her out of your life. And never let her know that she hurt you. Be strong.

Reply
NeverTrustingAgain

1 y
I needed to hear all of that, so true about the dynamic being gone. It makes such difference when someone articulates so well what I'm feeling. It makes me know I'm not crazy for feeling this way. Thank you so much. I'm going to really really have to take this advice and do it. I've given so much emotionaly and I need to heal

Reply

What Girls & Guys Said

Opinion

PeachyPie93 Follow
Guru Age: 32 , mho 44%

1 y

I honestly am sorry you are going through this, it can be so tough to get over someone you still love. It just takes time and doing things to move on in life, I personally been through this and its been 2 years and I'm still not over it. Which really sucks when you know the other person probably doesn't even miss or care about you.

0

10 Reply
- NeverTrustingAgain
  
  1 y
  Thank you, I'm sorry you've been through this too, the worst part is that glimmer of hope that keeps lingering. It's like they give breadcrumbs of being there but still keep on with their avoidant patterns. I don't know how to explain everything I feel right now. It hurts, even when I catch them to have a conversation when they can, it is barely ten minutes of talking and that's after 6 months of sporadic texts and not even in real time talking
  
- PeachyPie93
  
  1 y
  You really should cut it off completely.. bread crumbing just keeps you there longer, and will add more pain. I completely cut all contact and deleted him everywhere.. and then he put all the blame on me, and said that I was the horrible one. When if I was the right person for him, he would have been more into the relationship and made it official but I was never who he wanted I was just a placeholder for him while he was looking for someone "better".
  
- NeverTrustingAgain
  
  1 y
  I feel so too, a placeholder and with that, I was never really someone she wanted, ever. I only served as a temporary distraction while she had trouble in her life, she thought someone else could fill that void she felt. But now I see she realized it was a mistake and is not wanting to admit it. I ended up being the hurt one while she is acting indiferent now. I guess it's a lesson learned. I have deleted the app yesterday only to install it again after a few hours feeling conflicted. And of course, I would also look like a bad one if I cut it off. Whats the use staying if we can't have a real conversation anymore.
  
- PeachyPie93
  
  1 y
  Yeah, I did that multiple times myself. Delete and readd.. and he would always readd me and say he loves me to then just ignore my texts for like a week at a time.. I couldn't understand it.
  You could always leave it and just not text her, that might feel easier and so you don't have any regrets, that maybe you did something wrong.
  
- NeverTrustingAgain
  
  1 y
  I don't understand it either. Why do they say they love, only to disappear again? And like a fool I make a mistake again replying and of course I get let down again the minute I do. It's like they want to know you're still there, but at the same time they don't want to engage at all. I should take the advice of leaving it there, but not interacting. I feel so used and undervalued. Nobody deserves to feel like this
  
- PeachyPie93
  
  1 y
  I don't know other than I think they just are craving an ego boost at our expense..
  I am really sorry.. absolutely no one should have to feel this pain. I hope the pain gets easier for you soon.
  
- PeachyPie93
  
  1 y
  I just read this, it is a little long but an interesting take that might make you feel a bit better.
  www.reddit.com/.../
  
- NeverTrustingAgain
  
  1 y
  Thank you so much for this, it was a really accurate post- the Eu will keep a person at arms length and ghost and slowfade. It describes her so well. Yesterday me and her briefly talked and of course I got my hopes up we could at least have an hour to catch up but no. She just made me believe we would. She only wanted a recent scoop of what is happening in my life and me falling for that, opening up only to have her say she has to do xyz and go suddenly, she never even shared about herself, what is going in her life like I did. And all this lasted not even ten minutes. I feel so stupid and pathetic. She once again danced around the question when I asked how she was doing. The answer was ' I'm good. I have to do xyz later and go to the store' as if setting up an exit strategy. And with that, the conversation was over. And it's always like this. She has no regret that she makes me hurt and I told her how she makes me feel. Same again- she has to really go and do chores. I mean, f that. What a fool I am. I told her days before, that I'll only go into detail about myself if she finds time to really listen and we re-connect like we used to. But I was used again. She should read that post and someone should tell her she is an avoidant attachment style person. I really hate myself now and feel pathetic and used. Whatever someone says about me, I had it coming. I should have just left her hanging and not hoped she'd change
  
- PeachyPie93
  
  1 y
  That sucks so much.. but don't feel pathetic, just know it has really nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Slowly work on being able to pull away from her and not cave, because the dynamic you once had is now gone and no matter what you do it won't come back. Slowly practice fading her out of your life. And never let her know that she hurt you. Be strong.
  
- NeverTrustingAgain
  
  1 y
  I needed to hear all of that, so true about the dynamic being gone. It makes such difference when someone articulates so well what I'm feeling. It makes me know I'm not crazy for feeling this way. Thank you so much. I'm going to really really have to take this advice and do it. I've given so much emotionaly and I need to heal

How do you deal with an avoidant attachment personality relationship partner/ situationship? Recently I realized they have that personality?

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