How can I prove to my husband that I'm not cheating?

[Blah31]

Serious answers only. My husband thinks I'm cheating on him. About a year ago I found out he had tried to cheat on me (he was on dating sites and responding to personal ads on Craigslist looking for sex). He says he never went through with it and I try to take his word for it but I can't know for sure. Even though it's been a year, I still think about it daily and I am really insecure and paranoid about it. He thinks that because I'm so paranoid, it must mean I'M cheating on HIM. Which I completely understand him thinking that way, but it's not true at all. I'm only paranoid because I can't let the past go.. I've told him this and he doesn't believe me. I've told him he can look through my phone and my Facebook and whatever else he needs to look through and he refuses.. What else can I do?

[godfatherfan]

Nothing. You can never really know if your SO is cheating or not. you either trust them or you don't. If you can afford therapy you really need to do that. It will help clear the air. otherwise this can consume you and destroy the relationship. He was the pig that was cheating. even if he didn't "go through with it"... he still cheated emotionally. So he really doesn't have shit to say about it. he is the one that did wrong, not you. he wants to try and make you feel guilty and make himself out to be the good guy.

[MadeInAmerica]

You are falling for his tactic of deflectioning attention off of himself. You don't have to prove anything he is the one with evidence against HIM. You have done anything out of the ordinary to make him suspecious to not trust as he has. Don't fall for his b. s.

[RationalLioness]

I think he's trying to manipulate you or he's paranoid. He's guilty about what he did so a common reaction for those people is to accuse the spouse of cheating, maybe so they can pursue their former course of action in this case.

If he refuses to look through your things for evidence, he's making it hard on purpose. There's nothing that I think you could do to assuage him. Tell him to stop projecting his guilt abd sleazy ways onto you.

[godfatherfan]

exactly

[Anonymous]

I've heard that a lot of cheaters will project themselves. So they cheat, and then they get paranoid and guilty and accuse their partner of it in an attempt to get attention off of themselves. I don't personally know if that is true.. But maybe he has gone through with it and is trying to make you feel bad so you don't find out about him. Either way, he sounds like he has some serious trust issues.

[Stacyzee]

He's trying to reverse the script.
He's clearly guilty, but he thinks if he implies you're cheating as well then his wrong doings are justifiable.
This sounds like a very unhealthy marriage.
I don't think he was mentally mature enough to make a huge commitment to you in the first place.
He didn't take his vows seriously, and he's not ready for marriage.

[macncheese]

Maybe he's saying you're paranoid about him and making you feel that way so you don't realize that he's actually the one paranoid about it.
You have a right to be paranoid, and he doesn't. So him being paranoid is something that seems fishy to me.

[opugh93]

The only reason he is suspicious of you is because he was doing/trying to do exactly what he's accusing you of doing. Because if he's trying to cheat, why wouldn't you be trying to cheat? I hope that makes some sort of sense to you, but he sounds paranoid as well. When people lie they try to push that negative energy onto others as a way to divert any negative feelings others have of them onto something/someone else as a way to cover their butts.

[Savolrty]

My relationship reached a point where trust had utterly collapsed. Lost in a fog of uncertainty and doubt, I acted out of desperation. I turned to external means—specifically, program software—to uncover the truth, a choice I now recognize the best hacker with ethical standards and legal issues resolved, The information I obtained confirmed my deepest suspicions. While it brought an end to the gaslighting and provided relief to me
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[Anonymous]

If he's determined, you can't.
I divorced on false accusations.
Nobody believed me, everyone took the ex's side.
Stole my kids, stole my house, stole my car, stole my pension.
Living in a 3 room flat in Shitville.
Just be thankful you're a woman... you'll win either way it goes.

[Tractorbeam]

What many other people are suggesting here could be right.
I've always found that the people who trust you least are the ones most likely to be guilty of sticking it to you first. They see others as no more trustworthy than themselves.

[BobbyBrown23]

Sounds like your husband is manipulating and guilt tripping you.

[BehindTheFront]

You don't have to prove him anything. He's playing with your mind.

[NYkid27]

I think he did cheat on you. Accusing your partner of cheating is one of the most common signs that someone cheated

[Prettygurl12]

He's showing classic signs of cheating on YOU.

[thesunstillshines]

He's only doing it because he is probably cheating
Leave that scum

[sp33d]

Aha, so what about himself, then? Looks like he's actual purpose is to just distract you.

[sp33d]

his***
god damn it, why do we have to speak fucking English :S

[JusTruth]

Disable your all the accounts and want him to do that also, to trust each other again

[legalboxers]

maybe its a distraction to what he maybe doing

[turkish_engineer]

give him a great sex so he believe that

[xXiTacoXx]

1 word: Maury.

[Anonymous]

Doomed marriage is doomed!