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I think most woman do this if they get married and I would say most do not love their husbands and are just using him for money.
Can you love somebody if you “settled” due to limited options?
What is your opinion?
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Okay how do I say this without sound odd.
In the past I have dated men for marriage purposes because they seemed practical. So they had a ‘marriage resume’ - they had a decent career and job, older than me and settled, really liked me and wanted to be with me and also wanted to take care of me (not only financially but in a manly way). This sounded practical to me. I never wanted my marriage to be a headache. I want it to be peaceful. I would still be loyal to my partner and give him everything he needs and deserves from me. But the relationship for me never stemmed from love. It was just very practical lol.
I got burnt by fire since. Had my heart severely heartbroken. And since then I’ve just decided to date whoever. I want to explore the different options and I realised that practicalities aside, a relationship will never work if both people aren’t madly in love with each other to begin with.
This might be my avoidant attachment style kicking in. I don’t know. But I do have good intentions and I’m just being brutally honest.22 Reply- +1 y
I'd agree that life is no fun if we see it as just a series of practical steps and a mission towards 'stability'. Relationships have changed a lot recently, no doubt due to the internet, social media, cell phones etc. As the young generation, we have to find a new way to relate to each other.
Most Helpful Opinions
+1 yI think it is certainly possible.
21 Reply- +1 y
Thankyou
It is in the nature of women to generally want to “date up.” When monogamy is expected and generally adhered to, in most cases women will settle for a man of similar desirability. Sometimes there is real love in these matches and sometimes not. However, in a society with significant numbers of non-monogamous people, the most desirable men in their 20s, 30s, and even 40s can play the field as many young (20-something) women are willing to have sex with them in hopes of gaining commitment. In this sort of situation many men struggle to find a mate and many women struggle to find commitment or, once in their 30s, desirable male attention, and feel they have to settle for less than they should to get it.
358 Reply- +1 y
this is not true at all.
Reality is, most men are desperate for dates, much more desperate than women. Women are the ones doing all the rejecting, especially the ones in their 20s. Girls in their 20s have plenty of options, play the field, and pick the hottest guys to date. They have guys in their 20s, 30s, 40s pursuing them. As a result, there is simply not enough young women to go around, and immense competition exists amongst men. So, these girls in their 20s tend to date guys in their 20-30s while ignoring less attractive guys out of their prime (such as in late 30s to 40s).
The women who remain single until their early to mid 30s tend to get ignored by men around their age. So, they have to settle for older guys in their late 30s or early 40s. Single guys in their late 30s or early 40s realize they no longer have time to continue playing the field so they just settle down with any girl they can find, so they can have a family. - +1 y
@shaysh87 Interesting theory w/ a lot of valid parts. The "not enough woman" part is false There's never been more available women in the history of the world. Biggest issue is that 90% of woman are all chasing the 10% of guys. Ironically by doing this they give up the sexual leverage because we have options and a man is only as faithful as his options. I agree w/ your theory about women as the majority of women are forced to settle after the reality of getting a 10% man wears off. That's why u see so many married beta males in my opinion. However for men, our value increases as we age, because mainly the things women are looking for financial stability, multiple homes multiple vehicles, etc dont become acquired by men until ages 38- 50. It's much more common to see a 50 year old man w/ a 20 year old woman vs the other way around. Ironically covid only increased the pool. For me personally 2020 was best year I ever had HHH'ing w/ new women and that included a woman as young as 25 and as old as 48. Honestly as long as your in decent shape, have money and connections a guy could "play the field" as long as he chooses. Women have a short shelf life 21- 28 before their value decreases.
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@Vegasrunner
you dont have a single clue what is going on.
do you know why men complain so much about getting rejected so much? because 90% of men in their 20s,30s, 40s are chasing women in their 20s to early 30s. Many men in their 40s are UNWILLING to date a woman in her 40s. This include single dads, divorced men.
so as a result, you have vast majority of men of various ages 20-40s , trying to seek women in their 20s to early 30s. As a result, Women in their 20s and early 30s have PLENTY of options. She does not need to settle for some old guy in his 40s or some ugly guy in his 20s. She can have her pick. This is why men like you complain about getting rejected so much or how women have such high standards. When so many guys of various ages are competing for women of a certain age, these women get flooded with messages. She gets all the right to pick.
Men have it harder in dating because they have much higher standards in terms of physical beauty. They get rejected a lot because they are limiting their dating scene to a particular group of women. Younger women with plenty of options do not need to settle. So if you're an old ugly guy in his 40s tryin to get a woman in her 20s., get ready to be rejected A LOT. - +1 y
Any time you see a guy who is complaining that he gets rejected a lot by women, he almost always is hitting on young women at least 10 years younger or women who are out of his league. If they go for a woman who is within his league, they would be much more likely to get a date.
If you're a 46 yr old single dad, trying to go for a 26 -33 yr old woman, its likely that you will get rejected. - +1 y
@shaysh87 U r correct I don't have a clue about men complaining about getting rejected. That's not a complaint I or anyone in my circle have ever had. Men really shouldn't be chasing women anyway so maybe that's the first problem the men you know are having. Women have always chased the same 10% of men so in reality all men need to do is focus on becoming that 10% after that the women part is easy. I'm not sure who the men are that are complaining but it sounds like you may be dealing w/ the other 90%. Also 10% men should never be concerned about rejection women are a numbers game, if one doesn't want u move on to the next one. in my opinion lot of younger guys have been pussussified so they get wrapped up in one chick, when they should be building their roster. As for me my story wasn't past tense, I'm actively bang chicks ranging from 25-48 and it's not really as hard as your making it out. Mines a little skewed because I live in Vegas so there's literally new women flying in every day drunk and ready to have fun, but it shouldn't be as hard for you as you're making it out. Do you live in the U. S?
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@Vegasrunner
I think men are the same way. they only go for women under 40 - +1 y
@shaysh87 Na men will bang anything bangable it's all the same at the end of the night. I've seen just as many hot 40 year old as 30 year olds and just as many hot 30 year olds as 20 year olds. Personally 28-35 is best age for woman in my opinion. You never answered where you live, sometimes in a small town it can seem like there's less options.
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@Vegasrunner
Your complaints about how women are cruel to men in dating is what you deserve. Try to date a woman above your league , you get rejected. So don’t complain as if women owe you anything - +1 y
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@Vegasrunner
Every woman is out of your league. That’s why you’re on a misogynistic website such as GAG talking shit about women, especially older women - +1 y
@shaysh87 Na that's just your insecurities talking. There's never been a better or easier time to meet women than rn. The only one who seems to think I it is difficult is u, perhaps u should raise the bar an associate w/ more high value men? I'm not sure who's hating on women, or why u think GAG is misogynistic for that matter. It's a fabulous platform where people can exchange ideas and learn about more about the opposite gender. If you're unable to do that, that's your own issue after all you're also on the platform as well. Not everyone is mature enough to hear information that contradicts their POV's so I can understand your fear.
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@Vegasrunner
I think it’s your insecurity about aging. That’s why you constantly say you get hotter as you approach 60 - +1 y
@RealMarek
Men of all ages are desperate for dates. Particularly the guys in their 20-40s. In these years , this is when a guys sex drive is the highest
Top tier men tend to be guys in their late 20s- mid 30s. This is the age where men are most attractive and popular
A lot of guys like to say that men in their 40s are most attractive due to success. But this is only if he is still attractive and successful, not when he’s losing hair , growing wrinkles , getting fat. Vast majority of men will never live to see this level of success ever in their lives - +1 y
@shaysh87 I think it tends to get easier for men in their 30s and 40s to find people to date as long as they are reasonably stable, not addicts, etc. Middle aged men who are not top-tier but also not losers have a lot of options among women close to or a little younger than their age, especially if they’ll date single mothers. Granted, they are bound to be unsuccessful with girls in their 20s.
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@shaysh87 Aging is simply the price we pay for breathing. Men tend to increase value as they get older, women's value decreases easy concept and it's always been like that. The only one in here complaining about meeting women is you, so perhaps you should figure out areas of improvement for yourself. The real question is why is it so difficult for the men you know to meet women?
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@RealMarek
Actually dating is best in 20-30s. you may ask why? well its because everyone is single at this age. This is also the age where social lives are biggest. This is the age where there is the least responsibility, so you have the most time to date at this age.
Dating tends to dim for BOTH men and women by the time they hit their mid 30s. This is because a lot of people in their 30s no longer have the social circles they once had in their 20s. Understand that as you enter 30, you will see a lot of your friends getting married, hanging out with their spouses / girlfriends instead of hanging out with you. You will lose your best friend; you will lose your friend of 15 years. As a result, you no longer have as many people to go to bars / clubs with. And surely, you don't have as many single female friends / acquaintances in your social circle (because a lot of them are either married, taken or already have children). And as people hit their 30s, they typically are not interested in the partying , clubbing scene anymoer so this further restricts your opportunities of meeting people.
Generally dating is BEST in 20-30s. Those who say that dating is worst in 20s tend to be those who are socially awkward, have no female friends, do not know how to flirt, play video games in their bedrooms all night instead of bar hopping with their guy friends.
Because truth is, the vast majority of men are taken / not single anymore by the time they hit 40. And these guys can only accomplish this if they were dating in their 20-30s. - +1 y
@realmarekA
A lot of guys usually realize they no longer have time to constantly breaking up with their girlfriends or sleeping around by the time they hit their mid 30s so they end up settling. By their late 30s, this is the age where guys start getting desperate (seeing all their friends in their social circles getting married and having kids). So guys at this age tend to pursue the hardest.
Your bullshit about how men never get desperate is not true. I have seen a lot men get desperate in their mid to late 30s too, as they are leaving the marriage prime. - +1 y
@Vegasrunner
[ging is simply the price we pay for breathing. Men tend to increase value as they get older, women's value decreases easy concept and it's always been like that.]
In 2020, the average age of marriage for female participants was 31, while male respondents married at age 33.
www.theknot.com/content/average-age-of-marriage
Average age of marriage for men is 33. NOT 43. - +1 y
@Vegasrunner
Male desirability to women peaks in the late 20s and does not fall below the average for all men until 36.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_attractiveness - +1 y
@Vegasrunner
I dont see any evidence that men in their 40s get married more than men in their 30s. - +1 y
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@Vegasrunner
It proves that it’s young men that are getting married , not men in their 40s. Prime age for marriage is 30s for both men and women - +1 y
@shaysh87 I see where you're confused now. You're making the mistake of thinking what's important to you matters. Men getting married has nothing to do w/ this conversation. It kind of proves my point, if men avoid getting married so young then their overall sex lives would be better longer. I feel fortunate everyday to never haven been trapped in Marriage, because it's allowed me to meet so many wonderful woman during my life. Two years ago when Covid hit I slept w/ over 35 women which was more women than I ever had in any one year and as I mentioned ages ranged from 25-48 so why would I want to trade that to settle for 1 woman?
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@Vegasrunner
I think you’re avoiding the facts of what I’m trying to establish. Men don’t get hotter as they approach 40s. And I know this hurts you immensely - +1 y
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@Vegasrunner
95% of men will never ever see the resources to get gold diggers. I personally wouldn’t marry a guy I don’t wanna have sex with for just a few more dollars - +1 y
@Vegasrunner
[Men's value don't lie in their appearance it lies in their resources. Women's value lies in their appearance, so their value goes down as they age. ]
Appearance DOES matter for men. I’m not gonna marry some guy I don’t want to have sex with just for a few extra bucks.
And so what if you’re an old aging wrinkly old man and you don’t have money? - +1 y
@Vegasrunner
And if a man’s worth increases as he ages , why do most men get married in their 30s instead of 40s?
Explain that - +1 y
@shaysh87 It's about 90% won't have the money for Goldiggers, I'm fortunate to be I the 10%, but you're options aren't limited to purely Gold diggers. There's 100's of millions of bad bitches walking the earth of all ages. I have a 44 years old that's way hotter than my 29yr old rn. All you need is resources and a few assets and an abundance mentality.
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@Vegasrunner
Marriage statistics show that overwhelming majority of couples are less than 10 years apart. How do you explain that? - +1 y
@Vegasrunner
Six figures is barely enough for me to marry some guy I don’t wanna have sex with - +1 y
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@Vegasrunner
Marriage statistics show that overwhelming majority of women marry men 3.5 years older than them. So how do you explain that? - +1 y
@Vegasrunner
Empirical evidence has also accumulated in support of women's preferences for older men, and as you might expect, the data often overlap with those data supporting men's preferences. As this sample of Conroy-Beam and Buss's (2019) review suggests:
Cross-culturally, women report wanting partners who are (on average) 3.5 years older than them.
In online dating, women make the first contact with older men at a greater than rate they do younger men.
Marriage records show that women are marrying men who are older than they are by about 3 years.
www.psychologytoday.com/.../what-we-know-about-age-gaps-in-dating-love-and-marriage - +1 y
@shaysh87 Excellent question and I'm glad you're finally attempting to educate yourself. 10% of men get 90% of the women it's always been like that but it's more enhanced now because of social media. Today's woman wants a pre-assembled man w/ money, resources assets etc. In america men reach their peak financial stage at around 45, so a lot of guys I'm their 20's just dont have any experience w/ women, or the financial resources to get them so they focus on their careers. As they finally start making money in their late 20's early 30's women start coming around a lot of time it's the women of the same age who have figured out that their not going to marry a 10% man (more on that later) there favorite celebrity or any of the other Disney fairytales society markets to women. So now they're ready to give attention to these guys who they previously ignored. Well remember these guys never got any bitches b4 so the first half way attractive women that looks at them they're ready to lock them down. That's why most marriages end in divorce w/ over 80% being initiated by women. Most of my circle is going through their 2nd marriages right now. For some reason u believe marriage is this benchmark for men. It is not. Marriage is for women but those 90% of men can't get enough women so they tend to try to hold on to whatever they can get. Most men tend to marry down because of that.
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@Vegasrunner
That’s not even an answer to the question.
Women aren’t attracted to old men in their 40s. That explains why the age gap is always less than 10 years apart
why do most men get married in 30s? If men are more popular in 40s?
You still haven’t - +1 y
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@Vegasrunner
There are no women in their 20s desperate to marry guys in their 40s. Statistics prove this to be true - +1 y
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@Vegasrunner
Studies show that women like men on average 3 years older. Not 13 years older - +1 y
@Vegasrunner
We are not talking about one person here. We are talking about marriage data and statistics - +1 y
@Vegasrunner
As you can see in this research article , overwhelming majority of marriages around the world have less than a 10 yr age gap
www.pewresearch.org/.../ - +1 y
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@Vegasrunner
Do you realize the only countries where there are age gaps of 10+ are the places where arraigned marriages are most common? 3rd world countries where women are bought and sold as brides. They have no choice to pick their husbands
Countries such as Africa , the Middle East
But for the rest of the worlds countries where women get to pick their husbands , the age gap is much narrower - +1 y
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@Vegasrunner
I have two very legitimate research studies disproving you. Young women don’t marry old men. They like to marry young men. Young women reject old men - +1 y
@shaysh87 Your kind of all over the place. Your obsessed w/ marriage and I get it as a woman your clock is ticking, however marriage isn't relevant to this conversation. Marriage is something women pursue not men. Also what your studies have proven is that younger women w/ older men is way more common than vices versa who they marry does not matter. Also it's odd that you like to throw in your personal experiences while discrediting mine. You mentioned u person wouldn't marry someone w/ 6 figures yet when I told you I as a 40 year old man routinely bang 20 year olds that somehow doesn't count? Sounds like your just searching for something that validates your belief. My advise is go have some more experiences then perhaps you can understand the world more and hopefully find the husband your so desperate for b4 your clock runs out. Again as a man I can pretty much bang who I want for the next 30 years unfortunately you can not. Gl to u.
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@Vegasrunner
My ideas were never all over the place. Its just that you're trying to run all over the place to get away from the sole topic being discussed, which is the fact that vast majority of young women do not want to marry old men.
You can't bag any 20 something yr olds. You're not rich. Just because you say you can bag 20 yr olds , it does not mean you can. Just beacuse you say you are rich , it does not mean you are.
If you were so successful in dating, you wouldn't be on here shitting on other people.
By the way, nobody wants an old perverted man like you. All perverts like you will date an 18 yr old, then dump her by the time she hits 25 for another 18 yr old. Nobody wants you. why do you think you're still single at your old man age? Nobody wanted you during your prime.
you need to find better friends, I don't think I could leave the house if I was surrounded by the people you know...
11 Reply- +1 y
These are family members and wives of people I know. I only have one toxic friend cause I do not like these types of people.
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Opinion
8Opinion
Yes, settling is more common than you might think. Frequently you see many men who reach their mid to late 30s who realize they can no longer afford to continue constantly breaking up with their girlfriends or sleeping around. They get end up getting married and have kids by a certain age. Its not that he loved her the most, he just married her because he has run out of time playing around. By the time men hit their late 30s, thats usually when they start seeing everyone around them getting married so this is when they get desperate to get their shit together.
20 Reply
+1 yI think i could love someone i settled for if they have good qualities. It might not be a love at first sight crazy passion type of relationship at first but we can still build a good household and make our love grow from being a good company to each other and from respecting each other.
I wouldn't think of "settling" unless I'm 35+ and still single tho.10 Reply
+1 yNo. It's not real love; it's called Living a Lie and it wouldn't last---at least, not for me.
20 ReplyLove unconditionally? No, “Settled” means conditional and never turn into unconditional. Conditional love is limited to its options and ceases as they cease.
00 ReplyI don't think you can. Settling implies that you really wanted something else.
10 Reply
+1 yIf you have to settle than your standards are higher than your value on the dating market. Birds of a feather... don't like the kind of men you are attracting, take a good long hard look in the mirror.
00 Reply
Anonymous(30-35)+1 yThat's my worst fear. Attractive girls tend to do it more. Most women sleep around in their twenties then want to settle with a good guy. But they treat him miserably after marriage and can cheat with hot guys from the past.
Even if they don't do, they actually never love the guys they marry. It's just settling.00 Reply
+1 yIf I met a woman who had settled limits with our relationship with money, paying bills, placing pressure on things, don't know if I could handle things all depends on the situation
00 ReplySo that’s why she stopped giving me anal after we got married 😂
00 ReplySounds kind of foolish to get married if you don’t plan on having a family to begin with, as your kids, and one day their kids, should be the ultimate binding goal in my opinion.
00 Reply576 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic. Idts
00 Reply
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