What is the best marriage advice you received before getting married?

[The_Koala]

Marriage Advice

For those married or getting married what is the best advice you were given. I am getting married at the end of the year to @PrettyPriya. We have family and friends give random advice even now.

I’m sure we will get a ton more the closer we get. What is some of the best advice you were given?

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

For me the best advice was learn how to be apart and have your own space. It's great to be in love and want to be around your partner 24/7, but that will only last for so long. Eventually you will need space and if you don't know how to exist apart from one another it can be problematic.

It doesn't mean you love each other any less to have that space. It just means you are doing proper self care to be your best self for the times you are together.

A good example of this was my brother with their wife. Whenever my brothers and I would go out and spend time with one another his then girlfriend (now wife) would call every 15 minutes checking in on him and asking when he'd be home. He was also very possessive and always wanted to know where she was and who she was with. It always led to fights between them because they didn't know how to be apart from one another without thinking the worst.

[The_Koala]

Thanks. I do recall you from your previous account when you followed. You talked with Priya quite a bit back then. Nice to see you again.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Thank you. It's good to be back. It's always been a pleasure to chat with her : )

Also, welcome to the site!

[exitseven]

yes, now that we are older and the kids are grown and gone we have a lot more time for us but also try to do things alone.

[SueShe]

That is a difficult answer one from a notorious single person that I am.

Respect, comprehension, communication, fairness in your judgment, civility and courtesy would be on the top of my list, even after 30 years of marriage.

Regardless of the situation, those top qualities will always make a marriage work and be worth living.

And to you @PrettyPriya, your last sentence of your reply to Mr. B** is spoken 3 months ahead of time. Vows should only be given on the day of your marriage :-)

I know you will be a fantastic couple and despite all the ups and downs that will invariably come across your union, always find time to talk to each other.

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe You are right of course, but it is hard to not leave that for him. That is some great advice you give, and I agree with it 100%. Worth some pretzels. 🥨🥨🥨

[The_Koala]

Thanks for the very nice message and advice. I agree with it all as important parts of a strong relationship or marriage.

@PrettyPriya I’d like some pretzels.

[PrettyPriya]

@the_koala 🥨 this weekend. I keep forgetting that we can't have a conversation about the posts/replies since no one can hear us. I have to remember to type here.

@SueShe as you know also helped with all of that honeymoon advice.

[The_Koala]

@PrettyPriya Yes, I do remember all the info we got from her. A big thanks for that advice.

[SueShe]

No problem, my pleasure

[SueShe]

Thanks for the MHO. That is what I call an unbiased award. It would have been so easy to give it Mrs. P***a. I hope she is not too disappointed. She deserves it just as much. Let me share it with her by giving her a 🥨 and to you some 🐨🍺, make it a Foster...

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe I didn’t really give advice. I kind of reiterated what we have heard. I think he picked two good ones and got it right. I’m okay with it. 🙂

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya I am relieved. I did not want to be the cause of tensions over a MHO :-)

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe Nah, not at all. I told him he had to come on and pick them. He was busy after work with a home project but priorities first! 🙂

Honestly, I think both were good choices.

[Anonymous]

Yes i was told 1. Never get married with the intent that if it doesn't work out you can always get divorced. You marry with the intent of "til death do us part" or not at all. 2. If you have reservations about something, deal with it now. This won't get better over time. 3. remember your partner comes before ANYONE else. 4. People change over time. If you both don't grow together you will grow apart.

Good luck!

[The_Koala]

Thanks mate. Good advice.

[Googlemyahoo]

When you fight just agree with them & they’ll shut up leave you alone otherwise it will carry on and on.

Women also like to leave traps to make themselves upset. For example they might leave something out they want put away. They’ll expect you to realize this & think about it all day until they come home & get angry about it. Instead of just saying hey can you pick that up

[AmandaYVR]

I don't remember any advice whatsoever. People weren't dishing it out. And my family shouldn't be giving much out. Get your own house in order first.

But my advice might be something like - try to chill. Try not to overreact, act impulsively, speak before you think too often, that type of stuff. Although they might seem like minor reactions at the time, they really can set a precedent, form a pattern, and certain dynamic between the two people.

Give the benefit of the doubt, more than look for or assume a negative. You're marrying each other. You've already said you're in love and want to be with each other. First step done. Commitment is being made. Now just don't act hastily or impulsively.

[PrettyPriya]

I think the one that we have heard the most and travels beyond any one culture is “Don’t go to bed angry at each other.”. I know we have been told this by a few people so far.

I tend to agree, not that we ever have done that. I cannot imagine going to be mad at you. There is nothing in our life we have not been able to sort out. In fact, we have never really argued. We have a discussion instead, like adults.

I’m sure we will get many more valuable tips and advice the closer and closer we get to our wedding. Everyone has been so supportive and helpful, not only with advice, but helping us plan what is arguably a difficult wedding to pull off so far away.

I cannot wait. December feels like an eternity and every day I think about that moment when we are married and our life together really begins. I have never been happier than I am when I am with you.

[The_Koala]

We have heard that one a lot. Good advice though love.

[AmandaYVR]

That sounds good in theory but I think married, experienced, people should phrase it another way, so as not to gloss over the realities of a lifelong relationship.

Sometimes there are differences and disagreements that are so intense, matter so much to each person, they go deeper and deeper into the topic, and it only entrenches the divide more. They feel unresolvable. There are times when you need to walk away and jointly decide, "Nothing good is coming of this. I know I'm going to regret what I say, if I continue. We will reconvene on this issue at another time." It might not be the next day. It might be that a few days, or much more, for one or both people to gain some newfound clarity. Only when the conversations can change, should it be picked up again.
So sometimes best you can do is not make the feelings worse. You go to bed angry, or very, very, hurt. You cannot bare to touch each other, much less look at each other in the eye. (Yes, you try a hug or a kiss, but sometimes that is too much.) But you vow to try again another day. Marriage is about not giving up. You made a promise to one another.

I say this after 22 years. It was several years before we experienced this, something of this intensity (maybe even a decade), but it will happen to all. You just need to accept that some issues are larger than tying them up in a tidy bow, in one night.

[PrettyPriya]

@AmandaYVR Thanks Amanda. That is good advice as well. I was just stating this is the most common one I (we) have heard of from others so far, for whatever reason. 🙂

[AmandaYVR]

Yep, I get it. I just think it makes people feel bad, when one day they can't resolve something.
I guess for little things, it's another way of saying, try to just get over it. It's not worth the tension.
But it's the really difficult situations that people really need advice on or help with.
Anyway, you seem very good-natured so I'm sure you two will do just fine. 👌

[PrettyPriya]

@AmandaYVR I certainly agree with you. Nothing in life is certain. Nor should you think that you can resolve everything in a day.

Fortunately, we have the perfect solution to this. If there is a disagreement... we stop and he acknowledges that I was right. 🙂

(I will pay dearly for this when he sees it. I am trying not to laugh)

[AmandaYVR]

hahahaha. Well I laughed.
You so cute.

[Jamie05rhs]

I think the idea is that you don't go to bed bitter at the other person. You might be upset with them, but you don't let it eat away at you.

And yes; while it is noble to TRY to resolve disputes before sundown, not everything can be resolved immediately. Some things take more time. And that's okay. As long as you both aren't avoiding it indefinitely. (I personally suggest using the docket system. Like they do in courthouses and in Congress.)

[Ilovethesunshine]

Well first off all coming 👏🎉🎉🎉🎉

ADVICE , KEEP NEGATIVE PEOPLE AWAY FROM YOU'RE MARRIAGE.

Fuck people need to mind they're own business ! Listen to this one never allowed people tell you what you can do or can't do at you're home only you and you're wife make the rules no body else.

Ve happy enjoy life travel and have fun a great time.

Fuck negative people you guys deserve too have fun!

[SnowedIn]

Disagreements are okay. You don't always have to be right. It's also okay to do things apart.

[The_Koala]

That is good advice.

[Agape93]

Doesn't apply to me at all, but best advice I've been given about relationships, is build it off of trust and respect. You'll do well if you both keep those in mind.

[The_Koala]

Well said and thanks. Those are two of Priya’s top qualities in a relationship.

[Agape93]

That's because she's a sensible woman, who attracts a sensible man

[The_Koala]

Very kind of you. You have always been one of my favorites of Priya’s friends here. She adores you.

[Agape93]

And I adore her as well :),

[exitseven]

My father told me that when you get involved with a girl, check out her teeth If she has bad teeth she probably doesn't take good care of herself. If she doesn't take good care of herself she probably won't take good care of you either.

[The_Koala]

Interesting view.

[Alwayreckles93]

Marry a men with your same believes and religion or you will struggle and suffer and yes it's so true.

[Blackcupcake]

I’m not married Koala😑

[The_Koala]

What’s the excuse then?

[Blackcupcake]

to not being married? I scared away the poor guy hahahaha

[VanillaSalt]

Don’t get married. It’sa mistake. Sure if it works your good but it almost never works. Don’t marry until the laws change.

[Anonymous]

Date as much as possible before choosing your mate.

[Jamie05rhs]

Aw, come on, y'all. Stop being so negative. Let the man be in love and have his thing. FFS 😅

[AmandaYVR]

Yeah, men are dark, eh.

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmandaYVR Yeah lol

[Anonymous]

Only One word.

"Don't"

😁

[MrTaboo]

Marriage is like golf. Only take advice from those who play and have the lost estate scores. (Only married once)

[BLP11520]

Don't do it 😂😜😆

[KrakenAttackin]

Simple, "Don't".

[maximumpower]

DON'T
If you still must, get a pre-nup.

[Headstrongcrazylover]

Put your profile pic man.

[In_Trance]

don't