If you 💯 plan to marry, would you date someone who does not? (you have clearly stated you plan to & they have clearly said they do not plan to)?

[VIVANT]

I’m not talking about people who are maybe open to it one day. I’m talking about marriage is in your plans. It is how you always envisioned your future abs when you date people you consider if this is someone you would marry. I do not mean you want to marry anyone you date, I mean, it is always a possibility if things go well and you both feel the sane way after a king enough or rid of tine.

So, assuming marriage is a very important part of life to you, you are both very much interested in each otter otherwise-tho have a long way to go in getting to know each other,:

Would you date someone who has clearly says they do not intend to marry even that they see no point to it.

& Would their reason matter to you as far as making your revision?

Please do not answer in terms of gender. This question is not based on, nor a result if a Woman wanting to marry a guy & the guy just wanting to date.🙏🏼

Internet pic

I Would NOT. End of.

I might. I’d have to discuss it with them. Really depends on her or his reason.

I might. if I feel like they may change their mind, or don’t really mean it in the first place.

Sure why not. I’ll date them for a little while, then move on to my future husband or wife.

Tbh if I really liked him or her, I would. Didn’t if I felt uneasy about it.

Other.

Updates

+1 y

1. I re posted this Q bc I want to hear specifically people who SERIOUSLY WANT to marry. Not maybe want or will think about it later if stars align. (Bc 1st post was both sides & I already understand the other side)

2. I am NOT asking this bc I told a guy I want to marry, he said he does not want to & I’m trying to determine should I date him.

3. This is about a person (MAN) having a supposed conviction yet easily willing to shrug it off & my finding that peculiar & potentially dishonest.

[RomanticRealist]

I make sure the person is open to the possibility and I’m in the “it doesn’t define my life, but I’d like to get married one day” category. I’ve fallen for people who aren’t sure about kids, but the wanting to get married part is something I brought up early in dating. (And the kid part, even though I’m not 100% on that, depends)

Current boyfriend wasn’t 100% but said he would be open to it for the right person/situation. The conversation came up in the context of his ex wanting to do it ASAP and that he wasn’t sure about doing it that fast, wasn’t sure if he would be a good father/husband. Fast forward some time and he tells me he also just didn’t have strong feelings for her and they had some incompatibilities that he wouldn’t commit to. I made sure he knew that’s what I wanted right away though, and I asked him to let me know if he doesn’t see that with me at any point. I asked him how he felt about dating someone who wanted to get married and that’s when he said he could see it in the right situation. A couple months in, I asked him again and he said he simply said he could see it now. We still have a long way to go and nothing is guaranteed, but I pepper the topic in throughout our conversations every now and then as a check in on the tempo/direction. We had a whole conversation on how discipline would be important to him with future kids. He leans into the topics of marriage and kids when they come up, opposed to being freaked out or trying to change the subject, which I take as a good sign. I don’t want to pressure unnecessarily or force anything, but I like the temperature check.

It’s more ideal to date a guy who knows 1000% that he wants to get married at the beginning, and I encourage women (who want to get married - you don’t have to!) to aim for that. However, some men don’t really think about it until they meet someone they don’t want to lose basically. My dad said he hadn’t thought about marriage until my mom said her mom wouldn’t let her continue seeing him without get married. “So I guess we’ll have to get married then,” as he recalls it. They’ve been married a long ass time.

Granted, my parents were kids when they got married, so I don’t use their example for myself - I’m a grown woman in my 30s and things definitely work a little differently, but this may still be true for a lot of men at my age. I think statistically, men in their late 20s and early 30s are most likely to settle down and divorce rates are lowest among couples that married between late 20s and mid 30s, I believe. So I have that on my side. Fingers crossed! Lol

The most important thing is the connection and building a healthy relationship of course, not rushing to the altar. It’s a close second though 🥲

[RomanticRealist]

Oh to more clearly answer - I would casually date someone who didn’t want to get married, but only for fun and while searching for a serious partner. I wouldn’t seriously date anyone who knows they don’t want to get married. That’s the old snip snip for me ✂️

[VIVANT]

Yes I understand if they are open to it. What you said makes degas altho i would not say it is Men who only secure to marry when they find someone I think it swings both ways. I know more men atm who have definite plan (provided they find someone lol) to marry and have children. I know feeder women who want the sage tho I can see minds change in the right circumstance.

I think I can understand people who are not sure in either direction saying otysrs who are likewise not sure in either direction. I will never understand people in opposite extremes dating. It’s a giant slap in the face regardless of which side of the spectrum you fall. If I knew a guy for sure wanted to marry I would feel guilty dating him even if he was ok with it just doesn’t feel right, plus we’ve ended before we began bc we already know it won’t work. I like to get to know people slowly and Jay things unfold and if I already know it’s over it’s too superficial to unravel anything. Boring in my opinion basically but then I’m not looking for hook ups I guess if that’s what someone wants it wouldn’t bother them 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyhow I understand what you’re saying 😊

[RomanticRealist]

I think people get weak, because feelings and desire don't always match with compatibility. I had a huge crush on someone who didn't want kids and I think the reason he didn't want to be with me was because I kept talking about the kid thing, even though I'm not 100%, I'm leaning yes and he's leaning far toward no. I kind of indirectly told me that at times - that it would be a deal breaker. He also was pretty broke which is also against my religion (lol), but I was so hooked on him, I don't know. It defied sense to even go after him (on top of not not compatible on kid, broke artist, he was also my roommate hehe - I'm messy sometimes). But I wanted him so much. The feels man - they don't care about you lol The heart wants what it wants. I may have also been a little obsessed, but that's another story >.>

But you're right! I've cut things off with many guys because of compatibility.

[Msputiton]

I'm the one that 💯 plans not to marry.

But i think if someone's end goals are polar opposites there is a high chance that relationship won't last, because eventually the person wanting to marry, will get tired of waiting for the other person to change their mind

[Part2603]

If I loved someone (or I guess if her boobs were big enough, lol) it wouldn't matter.

I'd want to spend as much time with her for as long as I could.

And by that I mean that as long as I could stay in love with her. I know nothing lasts forever.

Did he tell you he'll never consider marriage?

If you have the resolve to just bail now, after all your drama, I'd say you're the strongest willed person I've ever met.

I think you need to relax and let go of your need for control and order. Clearly this is a lot for you. The thing is, romance isn't supposed to be ordered and rational. It's supposed to wild and vivacious and shocking.

It's also not going to be perfect. You'd be crazy to bail on somebody who made you so happy and excited for life just because he doesn't, well anything really. You can nitpick things to death. And I suppose marriage potential is a big one, but like I said, you're both young.

Maybe go on your big date first and then we can talk about this afterward, yeah?

[VIVANT]

Are you saying marriage is very important to you something you planned for all your life, but if you met a woman you fell in love with and you told her you plan to marry one day, and she was upfront about not wanting to marry and was not open to it, you’d continue dating her anyhow?

Bc that is the only question I’m asking.

For myself I can only guess but, If I 💯 wanted to marry and I found out the person Who asked me out absolutely did not, I do not think I would date them. It seems foolish and inefficient 🤷🏻‍♀️
I understand people may disagree that’s why I asked lol

I re asked question bc I wanted to hear from people who actually want to marry, whereas the other post was both sides. But you spent the mist tine trying to advise me on how I should approach someone not wanting to marry so I still don’t really have a grasp on whether marriage is important to you. And I was asking specifically people for whom marriage is important.

It’s not controlling to find something that seems illogical, odd. Things people do & say will leave an impact. If someone claims to have a conviction but easily shrugs it off, that is very significant. I don’t like games, and I don’t like to waste time, so I do find this disturbing.

[Part2603]

So I'm the person that says "marriage is the goal". But like perhaps only in theory. lol

Personally I feel I'm absolutely up for it, I'm that kind of person that can make that commitment. But I'm self aware enough to know that I'm not that person today, and I need a little work before I get there.

That said, I tell every girl I meet that I absolutely will not marry them, that marriage is a patriarchal institution that subjugates women and I could never do that to the woman I love. lol.

The truth is this civilization is fucked. There's no good women to marry even if I wanted to, so I might as well just make do and have as nice a time as I can with all the skanks and sluts.

So anyway, to answer your question "What if I meet a girl and she says that marriage and children is off the table, or something?"

Bitch that's every girl I ever met! They all say that, that they would make a bad mother, or "I'm too damaged." or "if you really got to know the real me..." or "I'm bipolar" or something along those lines.

So yeah that's me. I'm deliberately more passion and less logic when it comes to this type of thing. I have optimism and hope that I don't have all the answers, and that love is the most important thing.

Plus I'm a guy, and I have more options.

By all means, if you lied on your profile and you're actually thirty, then go ahead only date guys that are ready for marriage.

[Jamie05rhs]

Most people who are against marriage are against marriage for reasons that have nothing to do with me. Why should I be blamed for all of the other terrible husbands? I'm sorry, but that's not fair. 😟 I'm just being honest.

Also, a lot of people have preconceived notions and stereotypes about "marriage;" so why should I make a decisive call based on their position which may or may not be using a definition that is different from mine?
That's the same as people having extremely strong views and knee-jerk reactions about the word "feminism," which means different things to different people.

[Jamie05rhs]

(by the way, my votes are B and E.)

[VIVANT]

Honestly I don’t understand you in the first part 😆 why’d blaming you? I’m asking if you wanting to marry will date someone who def doesn’t. That’s all lol 🤦🏻‍♀️

But I understand I think you are saying someone can say they don’t want marriage but still want “ marriage” by another name
. Possible yeah 👍🏼

I guess a good Q is what does marriage mean to you I mean I anyone should ask that I suppose. 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Everyone is blaming me. Everyone that says they never want to get married. If they look at me and they see a penis (not literally, of course) and a Y chromosome and they judge me based on that and assume that I would be a monster and be unpleasant to live with **just because of one piece of paper!!**

[Jamie05rhs]

And thanks.

[Jamie05rhs]

"I guess a good Q is what does marriage mean to you I mean I anyone should ask that I suppose. 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️"
RIGHT? That is absolutely the question to ask!
https://images.app.goo.gl/quagTRjJJGCkUyPu5

[Jamie05rhs]

(Did that link work? Let me know if it did not.)

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Jamie05rhs]

www.google.com/search

@VIVANT See if that one works.

[VIVANT]

😂😂🙏🏼🤩

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT LOL. Glad you liked it. 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

And HEYY! Holy crap! That's the question you just asked yesterday! 😃

[Jamie05rhs]

(I would have answered it earlier when you asked it in this thread. But I wanted to mess with you and make a joke first. Lololol 😅 )

[VIVANT]

When did I ask that question earlier?

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT

"I guess a good Q is what does marriage mean to you I mean I anyone should ask that I suppose. 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️"
- You; here (above); week before last

🤓

[VIVANT]

Oh I thought I said that here ok I get it 😂 👍🏼

[Jamie05rhs]

👍👍🤓🙂

[TonyMetal___86]

Voted a, cause why would i waste my time on someone who doesn't wants to get married, it means she doesn't wants to something serious, she just wanna have fun...

Maybe she doesn't believe in marriage but i do and if we both do not have the same goal than why even bother!

If i want to have sex, one night stand, or just having fun like nothing serious than i'll date any girl but that's not me and i'm not a 20 or 25 year old guy anymore, i'm about to hit 37 😂

I'd love to have something real...

[VIVANT]

Yeah I hear you Tony. This makes sense to me if you are serious about your hours to marry 😊

[TonyMetal___86]

I've been like that since i was 16, i just like to be a in a serious relationship because there is nothing like true love! 😌

[VIVANT]

That’s certainly the truth 💜

[TonyMetal___86]

Thanks sweet skyscrapper girl ☺️

[TheUniqueOne96]

No.

Maybe it's just me here, but I have a long term mindset when it comes to relationships and long term goals are one of the few things I'd rather get out of the way, so if I'm incompatible with a partner or potential one in that aspect, then I'd rather not bother.

[VIVANT]

No I don’t think it’s just you and it makes sense to me even if marriage isn’t something I plan I respect your consistency 😊

[TheUniqueOne96]

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

How can I know plan to marry without dating them first. I think I women are the only ones who think this way. Such a notion is very cart before the horse. You meet someone, you get to know them, you fall in love with them. And you marry them because you don't want to be without them. You don't want any other woman. So you ask them to marry you. You don't just make up your mind that you want to be married and pick somebody. That's a good way to end up divorced.

[VIVANT]

I did say this was not based on something a women did.

Snyjow I thought the way you do how dies he know he wants to get married gent he doesn’t know who he wants to marry. But I think people who plan their lives to marry don’t see it as based on a person they see it as marriage is the aim & they will search for the right person. Like when you know you want to go to school before knowing which school. It doesn’t mean that every thing you see is the one you will choose or will he the right fit or will have you. But knowing what you want is important in finding the right one. If you only thought of school bc you saw one you liked, you would not be prepared at all.

How is knitting you want to marry and keeping that in kind when you date various people, a recipe for divorce any more then dating and nothing thinking of marriage?

[VIVANT]

Ugh never mind too many typos. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Point is this question is for people who want to marry not for people who maybe want to marry one day if they meet the right person. Of course you find it absurd bc it’s not how you think. But that was the question. And absolutely many people have planned to marry all their lives. For those people to shrug it off seems suspect.

For someone like you who will not make that decision without meeting the person (which I personally understand) it is not odd to have a wait and see attitude.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm going to respectfully have to disagree. I get those people who may want to get married, who actively are trying to find a person to marry. And I still say that's cart before the horse. Especially if you've never been married. He or she may be the most agreeable person. But marriage takes two people. Again I'm not saying it's wrong to actively be working towards finding "the one" so to speak. But marriage should be a lifetime commitment. I think people do themselves a great dis-service by committing themselves to the idea of marriage before even meeting a potential partner. Just my opinion.

[VIVANT]

I don’t disagree personally. I can’t imagine planning to marry then finding someone to fit into it but there is what we think is a good idea a and what people do and what’s out is and it’s all different I guess.

I do believe people do that and I think it can work it probably really depends on what the goal is. For a lot of people marriage is like a contract for work so they make it work.

I didn’t want to say much about it in the post but I asked this question bc I got confused by a guys behavior who brought up his interest in marriage not with me just that he wants to and he did it more than once and we had not even had date yet. Well now we have but not at the time. Tho I have known him a few years so I don't know if that makes it less weird.

Anyhow I was kind of frustrated by the situation and sorry if that spoiled over I to here normally I liei to let roller talk and I wait to respond I think I reminded too quickly bc I was confused 🙂

So yeah I just wanted to know what people thought without adding too much detail. Thank you for engaging for several iterations 😊

[Opinion Owner]

🙂 For the record, that guy you were talking about night have been trying to get a female perspective. You'll see some women ask the same women on here repeatedly. Presumably because they haven't gotten the answer they want. Or are at least are not satisfied with the answer they've received.

[VIVANT]

Possibly 😊😊

[Grond21]

No way. Then I would just be using them for a good time and I'm not going to do that

[VIVANT]

Yeah I think so. That’s exactly how I’d feel it wouldn’t be right. And really both people are getting involved already deciding it’s not going to work. Now I know there are a lot of facets to compatibility & I don’t expect things to work but ending before it begins I don’t see the point. 😕

[Grond21]

Exactly. You're basically just telling the other person that you're willing to use them and then give them a heartbreak. And you're telling your own heart that you don't care enough to wait for the right person, you're just going to feed it short-term pleasures that don't actually satisfy the deep parts of your heart and you're setting yourself up for heartbreak intentionally.

There's nothing good they can come from this

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't. It will never work out if we have different plans in the future. 🤣

[VIVANT]

Yeah I think if I wanted to marry I’m not going to date people who already know they don’t want to. Sane with not planning to marry doesn’t feel right to date someone looking for marriage like, what are we doing 😂 the entire relationship is based on “I already open to leave you “which of course may happen but I like to find out based on how things go lol

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, I would date someone who plans not to get married

[Jennz6]

Sure, I would date because I am not married yet. Just dating and it isn’t serious.

[MysteriousDarkness]

No because it will cause tension between them. It can cause o e to complain about not being married yet and then that would cause they other to question qhy they need to be married to be happy.

[Philyouup]

having been married twice, i am not sure i want to again. would i date a person who did, sure, but i’d be upfront

[LazerBean]

No, that would be idiotic.

[AddylynnNightingale]

No that's just a relationship waiting to fail.

[BlackElph]

Absolutely not. We wouldn't be compatible