When should you tell the person you are dating that you want to eventually be married?

[coachTanthony]

Right away before the 1st date

On the 1st date

2nd date

3rd date or beyond

see poll ( Coach I am letting you know right now I am looking for that ring )

[DizzyDesii]

I lay everything on the table, boundaries included within the first week of agreeing that we like eachother and eventually want to go out. I want to be warned ahead of time before even getting dressed up and all that, before being official and all of that

[DizzyDesii]

Thanks for mho

[LazerBean]

If I understand the question correctly, I think someone who is specifically dating for marriage should say so on the first date.

[coachTanthony]

yes exactly.

[OlderAndWiser]

Once a couple has been dating exclusively for a few months, and it begins to appear that the two of you may be heading towards LTR, I think it is appropriate to begin talking about goals for marriage and family.

[coachTanthony]

What if there goals aren't even close to yours? shouldn't you find that out from the get go?

[OlderAndWiser]

That is one of the advantages of online dating. That s usually covered i users' profiles, so you can screen out people who don't share your goals.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@OlderAndWiser
What if you didn't meet them online

[OlderAndWiser]

@MysteriousDarkness Then you may be comfortable having that conversation even sooner.

[Guy13]

The Future, including Marriage, vision discussion happens on the first face-face meet as I need to know if we have shared Purpose. If they do not have a general vision or plan to lay out then they are not the one for me. Falling in love with a non purposed dreamer is hell...

[ZackBan]

I think saying it too early only creates confusion and sends a message that you're in a rush.
If you say it early the response will be something like "slow down cowboy we only just met" then you'll have to explain how it's what you meant and all that.

So unless it's an explicit concern or a question I just won't bring up marriage and as the relationship progresses if things feel like they're headed in that direction I'll start testing the waters during times where talking about everything and nothing, I'll ask if she can see herself settling down. I'll joke around how she'll never get rid of me and all kinds of stuff like that and it becomes clear that we both wouldn't mind taking that step I'll bring it up in a more serious tone and see where she stands on it.

Don't asking me when to propose because I haven't yet figured out what makes a good proposal and I'm in no rush to do it

[coachTanthony]

That is why you say FOR ME the vision of my life is (blank) then you can allow them to respond. Don't even have to ask them. So many people here willing to waste weeks if not months of their time without even bringing up non negotiables is really baffling me.

[ZackBan]

You make a very compelling point and I see where you're coming from.

However if we're throwing out "FOR ME"s I don't personally believe in non negotiables.

I'll marry the right person but won't marry the wrong one just so I can walk around with a ring on my finger.

The fact is when you meet a person things between you can go any one of a million ways regardless of what each of you wants in life.

If a girl I started dating says "I'm in this for a marriage don't waste my time if you're not" even though I'd love to be married I'm gone because she's setting rules on things neither of us has control over.

Imagine if every date you go on you have in the back of your mind "will doing this make me husband material, is she wife material?" That's no way to experience a relationship with a person.

Of course I'm not saying way is the only way but I don't find as baffling as you do

[coachTanthony]

So you start dating someone and think damn I could marry this woman and come to find out she is against marriage. You're saying it doesn't matter because you don't even have any non negotiables so you'll just do whatever which is cool. For most though they do have a vision and if you don't align why waste time. So in the end to each their own.

[ZackBan]

Yeah I agree.

So overall the person with the non negotiables has vocation to speak early and avoid wasting time.
And the one who's open to all outcomes doesn't need to stress the conversation very soon as the decision isn't even made yet.

[BCRanger10]

Probably around the third date. That's about the point where the relationship should be defined and when they can start having conversations about what they want.

[coachTanthony]

If one person knows they don't want marriage wouldn't it be smart to find out in the very beginning so nobody wastes 2 months of their lives?

[BCRanger10]

You can have one date a week for three weeks.

[coachTanthony]

So you want to spend time with someone who doesn't want what you want? Why not just find out sooner than later? Life is too short to waste 3 weeks even.

[BCRanger10]

If it comes up naturally in the first or second date, I don't have an issue with that.

[Singing_Hollow]

I think its good to lay it out on the table what you want so that there is no confusion. Also depends on your age. Someone who is 25+ might appreciate the honestly as they might be looking for the same but a woman younger might not be looking into the marriage pit and it could scare them.

[melanieeeB]

I would say around the 2nd - 3rd - 4th ish date... you can also have that talk at the 1st if it comes up.

When you go on a first date, you already know that both like each other from the looks and so the date itself is more a little get to know each other personally and figure out if you also get along. I don't see them yet as potential partners, so I don't talk about more serious stuff yet.

[Fireguy17]

3rd date still might be a little too soon or depending on how/where you met it can be worked into your bio.
If you met online then yes, it is a good thing to put in your bio, because that is why you are there to find your life partner.
but at some point you do need to talk about it.
No sense wasting your time over someone that does not want to get married.

[HighValue]

I think by the third date both people's long term expectations should be discussed. Don't forget to discuss prenups when bringing up future marriage intentions.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

When you are nuts, lost your mind, drunk enough or you know a good divorce lawyer & have them on retainer. Before marriage talk about a prenup & see where things go from there.

[OfMiceandMen]

I think it may be best to wait a few weeks and let the conversation gravitate towards things you want in life/expectations.

To soon, and it could scare the person away.

[Anonymous]

As soon as possible to weed out the possible losers.

[Part2603]

I tell all the hoes that I wish to be married someday but that it's highly unlikely that women that meet the standard actually exist here in America.

[slatyb]

It's highly unlike that anyone who does would marry you.

[marish01]

@slatyb why? Because he doesn't marry hoes? How is that a red flag for a good girl?

[slatyb]

@marish01 A "good girl" ? What's a "good girl" ? The question reveals that the asker believes that he is more virtuous than the majority of single women. There are a few very good things in the Bible, and "Judge not, lest ye be judged" is one of them.

[marish01]

@slatyb not judging doesn't mean approving of promiscuity.
He said "hoes". Do you know the opposite of hoes is a thing? A good girl. Or you've never met one in your country? lol

[Part2603]

@slatyb Pretty sure the Bible says to stay a virgin till marriage bro.

[marish01]

Don't you know promiscuity positive people only love 'don't judge' part of the bible lol

[Gibbons44]

Good q. I'd want to asap, but not in a way that would shock. Depends a bit on the setting - if taking in private, I prefer the sooner the better. It isn't an obligation but a proposal anyhow.

[RobT312]

Later on but no set time. A first or second date feels too early

[Anemone978]

I'd say after it is a sure thing this relationship is going somewhere so 3rd date or after..

[Kayla45]

Whenever you're both ready, have talks about it first.

[Anonymous]

Marriage has no benefits for men and is a non starter.

[Guardian45]

When the time is appropriate. Probably NOT as soon as you meet, unless you're on a mission!😂

[Sparkie460]

I think you should discuss everything on the first date or even before.

[Guardian45]

Ummm. Why? And how?

[Anonymous]

Unless she asks or I intend on proposing why would I do that? This isn't a business negotiation.

[KrakenAttackin]

She can hope in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

The 2nd date for me

[Darine123]

Whenever both of you ready for a commitment

[WowwGirl]

Depends on the age I think

[Guardian45]

Can you explain?

[WowwGirl]

@Guardian45 biological clocks

[WowwGirl]

20 you have a lot of time 40 you have no time

[Guardian45]

Gotcha!

[WowwGirl]

@Guardian45 yup.

[driven159]

Not by how many dates but when the time is right

[Guardian45]

YESSSSS AGREED!

[NostalgiaSenpi]

As having no experience, I don't know.

[Fuentes]

I'd say never tell me

[DCooper]

Never

[msc545]

Me? Never!

[Guardian45]

You don't want to marry?