Dating just one person before marriage. Is it a mistake?

Question

As a late bloomer, he is my first. As a religious person, he knows he will be my first though he is experienced.

We are planning the wedding. My best friend and maid of honor knows my situation. She told me that it's sad I didn't test the waters with other guys and I'm getting myself imprisoned. She is advising I do it with someone else during my bridal shower and she can arrange for it.

I told her my man already knows I'm a V and she is suggesting I can easily hide that I've done it with some reddish ointment she can get me.

I dismissed the idea cause I love my man but I find myself thinking about what she is saying.

Please what are your thoughts?

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

"A new store that sells husbands has opened , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor , where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a Wife store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth & sixth floors have never been visited."

Why would you need more than one guy if you get the right one the first time?

BUTIMRIGHTTHO · Accepted Answer

I typed a full message @gloree I don't know what happen to it but whatever.  What you need to know is whether or not this guy is the right one for you? That's the whole point right?  Okay... Here is my wisdom for you. You will find these 3 things in a longterm thriving relationship.  1) Both parties are on the same page about the future (and present) 2) Both parties are in harmony with each other always 3) Both Parties have courtesy for each other always Even when the 2 parties disagree or have to criticize the other party they still remain in harmony. They are a team and the definite vision for their future is their objective and they continually, progressively realize that objective everyday whether the vision grows or stays exactly the same.  @gloree You need a system to vet your guy. Do this: Sit down and ask yourself, what do I want my marriage and husband to be like?  Whatever you write down, that can become your vetting system. But remember those 3 things I listed for longterm thriving relationship.  @gloree Lastly, don't cheat. That is a lack of courtesy and a break in harmony and a disbelief in a future with this man. You can postpone the wedding if you need more time. If he has courtesy, he will understand. But remember to have courtesy for him too.  Look people date others to figure out what they want. No sits down with a piece of paper and writes out what they want. For if they did it would save them years of heartbreak. You know what you want. But also know what has to also be there to maintain it.

cryscrys1 · Accepted Answer

If she is single then she is jealous
Also a hater
There is nothing wrong as you are. Actually that’s how it should be. World and families are ruined from people as your friend. And men and women having random sex then deciding they are not for each other.
Are you a dog? No. Even dogs have some self respect

Oh but but but B U T
“casual sex help you discover what you like and you don’t like?”🧐
Yeah like you can’t really dIscOveR that with your potential true love or husband / or wife !!
You have to go out there open your legs let some random 🥕 CaSuaLLy very casually for many years nothing big.. fuck with you casually because you are nothing but a casual who does causal things and probably die as a casual in a casual bed. With a casual SOUL.
Protect your soul bitch love your self. You are not casual you are more than THAT

Prettygurl12 · Accepted Answer

My husband and I met in middle school. He was my first serious boyfriend. He's the only person I've been with in that way 😉

We started dating in high school, dated for 5 years, were engaged for two, and have been married now for four.

People always act weird if/when they find out. But I don't care. My husband is my favorite person and I am very happy we met when we did because that's more time that we get to be together.

The thing is that I don't care IF I'm "missing out" on this alleged experience of other guys. I've never felt dissatisfied in my relationship and I've never entertained the idea of being with someone else. Because... why? If he makes me happy then I see no point in "just making sure" or whatever. Why ruin a good thing just to verify you chose right the first time?

As for your friend's suggestion? Terrible.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

So your d so called "friend" is not only telling you to sleep with a stranger right before your wedding, she's telling you to hide it, lie to your future husband? I'm sorry, that doesn't sound like a real friend... Don't take her so called "advice".

Quantity doesn't trump quality..

dandrummond501 · Answer

At the end of the day it's ultimately your discission on whether your a V on your wedding night and I have the opinion that you are the ultimate women and should have the right to use self discretion in this matter and just because other people around you can't wait and save themselves for the man who has captured thier heart that's not your fault. I'm 43 yr old now and I have been looking for a woman who wants to be loved unconditionally by only one partner for the rest of their lives. MY take on this is that humans have become more and more greedy as the years have passed by so many people are unaware of how greedy society has become and just because your friends weren't able to get to thier own weddings as a V it's my believe that they're a bit jealous of your privalige of being intimate with a man for the very first time on your wedding night. Instead of trying to get you laid before you get married your friends should be congratulating you. I was married many years ago and she couldn't wait until the opportunity to be with another person would come along and I was under the belief that I was the only man in our relationship for a long time and I become aware of this and devorsed. I'm still looking for that one woman who wants to be with just one partner for the rest of their lives. So don't let your friends ruin your life or what may happen if you were to be with another person before you get married stay true to yourself

RangerBlue22 · Answer

You are getting lots and LOTS of horrible advice here being told a huge lie that might ultimately destroy something you might never across again: a good man willing to commit to you.

Really you need to think through the consequences of at best fleeing short term pleasures. If he finds out he will most likely break or the engagement and leave you (as he should). Being experienced himself he might up on things you think you can hide. If he really loves you he’s going to pay attention to these details.

You are looking over a cliff right now. Do not do it.

MementoMori_ · Answer

Mistake. When things get rough in the relationship, and they will as the do in all relationships, you will wonder what you missed out on and regret not having anything to compare the relationship to.

Previous relationships make latter relationships stronger. Not only do you learn from your mistakes, but it gives you a basis upon which to judge the quality of your most important relationship and remembering the problems in other relationships in the past a reason to stick around and push through the hard times. Without that perspective you will always second guess yourself when the going gets tough.

Dinklex3 · Answer

For me personally, I'd like to date others and learn from those previous relationships, good and bad.

I have a friend who is about to get married. She has only been with her fiance her entire life. Now she is having second thoughts and doesn't want to get married because she feels like she doesn't love him anymore and wants to know how a relationship with another person would be (he's cheated on her before. Left her super insecure)... But that's her. Everyone is different.

I have friends that married and have only been with 1 guy and they are still happily married to this day. They say they're soul mates.

misfittoy · Answer

Its not any advice a real friend would give anyone. to me sounds like she is trying to ruin your happiness. You know if its the right person for you. im waiting and i dont care what society or so called friends say, i think they are just hateful because they have 4 or 5 kids by different men and been through the ringer while, i have waited. She is no friend and you already know the answer to this. Sometimes in life you outgrow people, sounds like you have, based off your own thoughts of dismissing her suggestions.

SEL195 · Answer

I think it is sweet. Sex is good when you love the person. Also losing your virginity hurts like a mother so you won't enjoy it. You and your partner can grow. The first 3 times was the worst for me but after that you will start to realize what you like. If you have a husband that cares about you he will also start to realize what you like.

My advise would be for your mairraige. Be very certain he is your one take the rose colored glasses off and look at the relationship from a real perspective if he is who you viewed him to be when looking through the eyes of someone inlove with him then that will be a good mairraige

loveslongnails · Answer

You're 35, religious, and a virgin, correct? Ignore your friend. Where was she 10 years ago to suggest you "test the waters"? She brings that up now when you're 35, for what purpose-to put fear in your mind as you approach your wedding?

There's absolutely NO reason to lose your virginity at your bridal shower, to a stranger you don't care about, nonetheless. And forget the cream suggestion too. Your fiancé is well aware and accepting of you, as you are. Do you masturbate? Might not be a bad idea to do that if you don't already.

DiegoO · Answer

Is not a mistake, but also, it's something that can backfire you, if the relationship pass trough a tremendous crisis. I say so because is not the same thing to play only Nintendo, than having the experience of playing on PlayStation, XBox, and which ever vidgame company there is.

It all will depends of how good you know yourself and how sure you are about your decisions. Now, even if you stand your ground, the emotional turmoil of a romantic relation can temp you to find greener grass. Only one decision will make the difference.

420Rachel · Answer

Girl no. If you lose your virginity to a man you don't know you will regret it for the rest of your life. On top of that you're CHEATING on the man you claim to love. In my opinion a cheater does NOT truly love their partner.

Please don't do it. Love your man, marry him, and have that magical first night with him.

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

It's only a mistake of you think it is.

I married my first boyfriend & high school sweetheart. We got a divorce after he cheated on me & he didn't want to try & fix things. I've had plenty of partners after him & now I have my first kid & a man am happy to be with.

If it feels right to you, then it's right. Don't base your decisions or feelings based on what others say.

Rania05 · Answer

Your post was like a cultural shock, is bachelor and bachelorette goodbye party based on such things?
Because it's actually very preferable if you marry the first person you date here, so actually it being 'rash' is just pure nonsense to me.
You're doing good, girl. Don't listen to her.

Anonymous · Answer

'it's sad I didn't test the waters with other guys '

Any 'friend' that suggests such a thing is unwise, led by the ego and infiltrated by the filth commonly brain washed through this low vibrational culture. In fact, her suggestion only takes away from your potential happiness, it adds nothing!

If you continue to keep friends like that, you will eventually suffer.

Guy13 · Answer

You will feel rotten. You will not be able to look at him. You will hate her. She won’t care as long as she brought you down to her level.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You don't have to test out any other guys. That isn't the issue.

The issue is you need to thoroughly test and evaluate your relationship with THIS guy!

It's not the number of contestants. It's the TIME invested in the PROCESS.

AviatorTom · Answer

I know a couple who were high school sweethearts, got married at 18 and were happily married (4 kids) for 30 years, until the husband tragically died in a car crash.

That's not common though. Most people date several people before settling down.

Is it a mistake? Only you can answer that.

lightbulb27 · Answer

are you kidding me? the title and comments are different questions.

you waited this long, stick with this guy since he's willing to commit to you.

dating just one person is about learning about yourself and others and what you need, what works best for you. hopefully you got that figured out, otherwise, you will find out.

Likes2drive · Answer

Sometimes you only need one person to know, I certainly wouldn’t try to experience someone else at this point, that should have been done before meeting this guy

Berethor · Answer

She is an slut, don't follow a slut's advise, good girls are waiting until marriage.

Haha456 · Answer

if you have any doubts with the marriage, then it usually means there will be trouble down the line. If you seriously think this way, it means you have doubts. On the wedding day, you should have absolutely no doubts

TacosRAwesome · Answer

It depends, if you get it right the first time, why should you try others? On the other hand, if in your heart you know there are better options, then maybe you should.

Basically what I'm saying is, if you have the specs of your ideal partner, does he hit the ones that matter and others you didn't realize you need or is he just there?

_Just_A_girl_ · Answer

Seems to be best  Guys care about her past B count so if it nothing.. gold also both genders go walls up or player mode after first heartbreak but if first is their last  they both win

AsaKyo · Answer

I don't think so because that's kind of how it's supposed to be If you love him and he loves you and you both treat each other with respect and are both happy, then I don't see an issue

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Your "best friend" is an asshole, and if you are even considering cheating on your fiance, so are you.

Twalli · Answer

My girlfriend is my first girlfriend. She'll also probably be my only as we both want to get married, but COVID-19 and my issues obtaining a job due to it has put any plans on the back burner. Neither of us is a virgin currently, but all of our sexual experiences have been with each other. I think the wonder of what others would be like is constant for those who only have one. We're the minority now.

ZenJen444 · Answer

Its a bit too late for all this but yes it's best you date more than one person during the dating phase in order to determine who best fits you. But you're already planning a bridal shower so it's a but late. Men don't care if you're a Virgin or not but I will say I've heard Men say prefer experienced because virgins are annoying and just lay there

LazerBean · Answer

Did you even talk to other guys? I would say that being in a serious relationship with only one guy before marriage isn't a mistake. But being a virgin who is marrying someone who isn't a virgin is usually a mistake.

Anonymous · Answer

it sounds like your friend is trying to sabotage you and your relationship. if i were you, she'd lose her maid of honor status in a second.

talka20 · Answer

You are doing all right n correct n thats how it should be... dont listen to that stupid ideas

IveGotNoName · Answer

Your friend needs to know her place. She just seems jealous that you got lucky and found someone on your first try.

Paris13 · Answer

One day You will be sorry. Many couples Who even Go through a Relationship Rut, Miss What they Never Did... xx

dustybiker · Answer

I would never marry without knowing someone fully. That’s like playing lotto and expecting to win.

Anonymous · Answer

Ideally good have had a relationship or liaison before but it's pointless now. Work it out in marriage and ignore your friend.

Sargentcaptain · Answer

If my 'friends' were telling me to cheat on my future wife I'd beat the shit out of them.

MiseriaCantareAFI · Answer

My dad and mom dated many people before they met. They're happily married 35+

Googlemyahoo · Answer

Yes because eventually you’ll want to sample the other fruits not just the one

Anonymous · Answer

Your maid of honor sounds like a retard. She should really be called a maid of dishonor.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell me who your friend is and i'll tell you who you are.

Hardworkingguy · Answer

That's a good question. I've only had two relationships so far.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Unless they are 100% certain its the right person for them then yes its a mistake.

EaterPeter · Answer

I guess it is minimum 2 to 3. May be try speed dating.

MSJrfg · Answer

she is right you shouldn't limit yourself to just that one guy because you could probably find better

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah date 1000 men. Why not enjoy while you love. All I want to do is having fun before I die

HaveNoName · Answer

I didn't date any... So how does THAT sound?

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, you need to live a little first.

BJP21 · Answer

Thats playing with fire.

_hislonelystar · Answer

Yea I believe so.

nawtee_me · Answer

Not if you are in love

eagle1951 · Answer

that's up to you to figure out

Dargil · Answer

No it is not.

Nahid1707 · Answer

Are you not happy?

jimmy2 · Answer

God bless you two

Anonymous · Answer

Dont do it now

Dating just one person before marriage. Is it a mistake?

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