Do you think it's wrong to date several people until you find the right person?

[twinson]

I'm talking about just flirting :)

[churbleburble78]

It's THE BEST way!!

I dated 20 women in 4 months in 2021... I counted 50 dates before I stopped...

Woman 1 - we just went for a walk and talked for an hour, no kiss at the end... lead to second date though! And kissing, but we both agreed no third date as she was also seeing another guy, and I'd seen another woman in-between our 1st and 2nd dates. We stayed friends and chatted for months - comparing notes on how our dating exploits were going... 7 months later, we actually hooked up and had one-off sex too!

Woman 2 - a walk for an hour and a kiss at the end. Weeks of messaging lead to second date, and light petting in the car! Third date we had sex, we saw each other for 12 dates in two months - but it was mostly sex marathons!

Woman 3 - after it transpired that Woman 1 was juggling me and another guy and I was juggling 1 and 2, when that ended I picked up my next one to juggle - and SHE was ALSO seeing me and one other guy! As I was new to dating after 16 years, I figured that this was the new norm and went with it! Also, some of them had joint custody of their kids, just like me - so we couldn't all do each other's child-free days. Same as woman 2, saw this one for 12 dates / 2 months, but she didn't put out until date 6 or 7! We did kiss at the end of date 1, but it was a kiss goodbye on the lips, which neither of us were happy about! So I said let's kiss properly on date 2 and we did! We did also have foreplay the date before our sex date.

Women 2 and 3 ended the same weekend! Then hit a dry patch...

Woman 4 - date was terrible... she admitted she'd just come from another date, and now couldn't be bothered! Yet she showed up? We sat in her car as we were cold, she talked about herself the whole time, and when I got out to get into my car, she drove off before I could even wave goodbye! Awful rude time waster she was!

Woman 5 - date was good - we walked and talked for 3 hours and held hands. She said her birthday was coming up and asked if I could give her a birthday kiss - and she said no! Then I got the silent treatment for 5 days before she admitted there wouldn't be a second date

Woman 6 - first date was ok but no kiss - second date was 38 days later! We kissed on the lips throughout the date, but nothing lingering... when I dropped her home, she snogged me before she left. She messaged me later saying how turned on she was and sent me a photo of her in her underwear! But unfortunately neither of us could ever make a third date due to other social and family commitments. A shame; I liked her.

Woman 7 - date wasn't great - we walked and talked but it seemed she wasn't fussed about dating in general!

Woman 8 - date wasn't great - we walked and talked but there wasn't a spark. She ended up back with her ex a couple of months later anyway.

Woman 9 - date was ok - we walked and talked, held hands and ended up back at her place. After a while she told me she didn't want anything physical, ever! Not because of me but because of her. We didn't kiss.

Then with women 10, 11, 12 - I hit my best run of luck!

Woman 10 - I went to her house, we had sex, we had a second date (sex again), but then just stayed in touch as friends.

Woman 11 - I went to her house, we had sex, we didn't have a second date (her choice)

Woman 12 - we met up within hours of matching on a dating app, we went for a walk, talked, kissed at the end, she got really turned on and we went back to her house, we had sex, and a second date, but that was it. She was the worst in bed.

Then it went strange with women 13, 14, 15, - passionate kissing and petting, one second date, but lots of cold feet

Woman 13 - first date was like we were friends, we talked and got on ok. Second date, she came to my house, we kissed, we did some heavy petting, she was turned on but left and we didn't see each other again.

Woman 14 - we went out for a couple of drinks, and back to hers for lunch. We kissed passionately - but she got cold feet and sadly, we never saw each other again. A shame; I liked her.

Woman 15 - we met up on our lunch break, we walked and talked, we kissed at the end, sadly she ghosted me afterwards.

Woman 16 - we met up at a pub for a meal, we got on ok but she decided she didn't like skin contact, so it never went any further.

Woman 17 - I went to her house, we kissed passionately, I might have had a chance to sleep with her then, or another time, but I decided against it.

Woman 18 - first date was a walk, second date was a meal and a walk, she gave me a kiss on the lips goodbye but we didn't meet up again. A shame; I liked her.

Woman 19 - we met for drinks on date one and we snogged. She came to mine for dates 2, 3 and 4 - we had sex and drinks, but then we both ended it.

Woman 20 - we went for a walk on date 1, a walk on date 2 ended up in kissing. Date 3 lead to lots of sex that day AND for 5 days straight!! Then 2 days apart, 4 more days straight of sex, 6 days off sex, 2 days on, 1 day off, 2 days on of sex, and so on... we peaked at 6 days of sex, one day off, one day on and I stopped counting after that! Been together 20 months now and had sex hundreds of times

[Splithead]

Learned a lot from this. This is what i was feeling in my few months of multi partner dating.

I see now, lots of low cost first dates. I fucked that up and was spending too much as im used to spending a lot on my single woman usually.

didn't realize how open women were to cheap dates. I think i date hivh maintenence types. Maybe i'll give this another shot.

[churbleburble78]

@Splithead - good to hear and glad it helped! I didn't pay for any apps/sites - only the free ones, and didn't pay for in-app features - I bought one or two coffees for walks, but sometimes the woman paid, so it evened out. One time we split the bill for lunch. I've brought a bottle of wine to dates a few times, but once or twice a woman bought it or supplied it, and one time bought us dinner/takeaway. My biggest outlay was condoms and lube! ;)

My ex on the other hand has paid through the nose for dating sites/apps/features for nearly 2 years and gotten nowhere!

[Lliam]

It's not wrong, but it's not my style. I never dated several girls at the same time. I wasn't looking or quick hookups and I didn't go on dates just for something to do.

I knew lots of girls, but if I actually asked one out, that meant that I chose her as a potential girlfriend. She was my number one choice.

I'd date one girl at a time and give her my full attention. I'd treat my date like a potential girlfriend. It's a matter or respect.

I was looking to fall into mutual infatuation and get into an exclusive, sexual relationship. Marriage wasn't on my agenda. I just waited to see if long term relationship turned into a life-long commitment.

[Aerissa_Jade]

That is the best way, until something turns into an official exclusive relationship.

Too many people go on a date with one person and think they are exclusive on first date, boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever.

I used to date a different guy each night of the week, M-Sat, when I say dating... I don't mean sex, I mean going out and having fun, maybe some light kissing but nothing beyond that. No heavy making out, none of that. As I don't want to do that until I have some real connection and feelings for someone.

I would not on Sunday to have a day of rest, plus Friday and Saturday nights were always up way late, so I'd sleep all day Sunday.

These days, the most I would do is maybe 3 or 4 tops, I like to have too much 'me' time and staying in more often than going out every single night. Plus I live rural so the drive into the city to meet 90% of people, is too long to do daily.

If one of my dates, I get feelings for he and he returns them, then I let the others know its been fun, I'd like to stay friends but I understand if they don't want to.

I have no intention of keeping them as backup on hold, I make it very clear that I hope they can find someone, and I wish them the best. If things don't work out, and they still are single, I have no issue dating them again.

I strictly see dating as just getting to know someone, having fun doing things and spending time together.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Okay flirting and “dating” are not the same thing at all… if you single and flirty, that’s one thing. Me personally, “No I don’t think it’s okay to be “dating” multiple people at once, leading them on, letting them think You’re giving it a chance to see if it goes anywhere, instead of being treated like an “option” or one of many… the whole point of dating is to get to know the person and see I’ if it’s someone you want a more permanent relationship with or someone you want in your life… But how well will you really get to know them if you juggling your time/attention to multiple people at once? Or worse, doing the comparison/ comparison shopping thing… I swear people have to ruin everything. Dating is just one more thing that got ruined. Now it’s, “who should pay for the first date” “I paid so she owes me sex”, etc🙄

[coachTanthony]

No that is what you should do. Too many people concentrate on one person for months and when it doesn't work out they are exhausted. Instead you should be dating multiple people at once and see who shakes out to a point where you would want to just focus on that one person.

[red324]

If people would put more effort into one person you wouldn't have to talk to 5 different girls at once

[red324]

Plus women get pissed if they realize they aren't the only one even though they do the same shit.

[coachTanthony]

@red324 There is a time and a place to put effort into one person. The beginning of the dating stage is not it.

[Chazmatazz269]

I strongly disagree. It’s no coincidence that multitudes of dating and relationship issues boomed at the same time as the “sexual revolution”. Most people don’t want a philanderer, but wonder why they’re being rejected for being philandering. If you’re not demonstrating that a potential partner is worth your full attention, why would a high value mate stick around? Ell oh ell! You get what you pay for. If you’re not willing to invest in good people, you will always be choosing from the bargain bin. And almost certainly bitching about your selection.

[coachTanthony]

@Chazmatazz269 I think this is naive at best. This is why many people give up on dating because they choose to put time and effort into someone they don't even know. Vet the person, get to know them along with others and then decide who to invest in.

[Chazmatazz269]

If that were true, we wouldn’t be here today. The dating game for which you’re advocating is anomalous in terms of human history, and marriage and childbirth rates in the west are at record lows and decreasing RIGHT NOW.
Call it what you like, hundreds of thousands of generations of human civilization support my argument, while only a few, all wracked with dysfunction, support yours. Ell oh ell!

[coachTanthony]

@Chazmatazz269 Wracked with dysfunction? Ok friend. thanks for the comments.

[Chazmatazz269]

You’re welcome. Soak it in. Feel free to genuinely thank me later, after you’ve checked statistics and ignored your income potential.

[coachTanthony]

@Chazmatazz269 Yes sir. Thank you so much lol No need to respond to this to make yourself feel good.

[AviatorTom]

People try on several pairs of shoes, or several outfits, before buying, so what's wrong with dating several people to find the "fight one"?

[Summeroflove]

It’s not wrong as long as everyone knows you’re doing it.

[OlderAndWiser]

You are talking about dating or just flirting?

[Splithead]

I used to. But then i realized that it's normal and the polarity seems to be off when you don't.

I tried it for the last 2.5 months. It's fine. I'd never do so without being transparent about it though.

Unfortunately that's limiting me to polyamorous girls, or rather I'm limiting myself to them. They're hella cool and all but it kind of sets the stage for what type of relationship we'll have.

I'll probabaly stop dating for a bit and go back to my normal style. I'm looking less for sex than a real relationship. This is great for sex hands down.

I could also see keeping it up lightly and throwing a regular girl into the mix. Seeing if she wants to be exclusive then pausing my other girls if she does. I have a hunch thats the best case. Of course with protected sex.

Women often behave weirdly if you give them all your focus, even if you know you're a catch and have options.

It's cool though. I'm hoping I just need to find better women. Prefer to give all my attention to one at a time.

[Lynx122]

No it's not wrong I'd do that too but I'm choosy who to date so it's not that easy to have multiple women I'm interested in at the same time. If a woman is interested in me but I don't find her interesting I'll usually just move on even if she'd be open to have sex if there's not more there it's not very attractive to me. I know that's kind of weird for a guy but that's how it is. I have a bunch of things that are a higher priority to me than sex or finding a partner so I'm not that focused on it. I'm gonna ask a woman out if I think there's something there but not just any woman.

[Chazmatazz269]

Flirting and dating aren’t the same thing. You can flirt with anyone and everyone, but it doesn’t carry the same weight as actually carving time out of your schedule for one person in particular. Because of that, it’s definitely wrong to date more than one person if you’re actually looking for someone special. You can’t prove that you’re special by dividing your time, energy and attention. Nobody’s that special, despite popular rhetoric. Why would someone truly special stick around if you don’t clearly demonstrate that they’re worth your full attention? Ell oh ell!
On the other hand, if you’re not looking for someone special, anything goes. Ha!

[Splithead]

I thought this but more and more im jaded by realizing that many women think you are special if you date around.

I find more luck with women when i juggle, even though i prefer not to. Lots of girls get overwhelmed if you only think of them

[Chazmatazz269]

I suspect you’re putting too much energy into dating. If you are obsessive about it, you will overwhelm others, for sure.
Let’s look at a little math! You are YOU 100% of the time. Or you should be. If you’re not being yourself because of someone else, you’re screwing up. I digress.
If you sleep eight hours, that leaves sixteen hours in the day. If you work full time, that leaves you eight hours of free time. Figure how much self care you require at a minimum; shit, shower, shave, jerk off and chill. Whaddya got left? Now, if you’re spending more than half of that remaining time on one person, they better be a life partner at a minimum! Otherwise, spend more time with family and friends. Make new friends if you must. Develop a new hobby or six. People don’t necessarily want “hard to get”. They just want someone who isn’t ALL about them until the vows. Even then, it’s unhealthy and will certainly doom a marriage. Maintain self above all. Without that, you are useless to everyone else who might depend upon you.

[Splithead]

Yea im pretty well rounded and dont really *need* a relationship for anything besides procreation, which is admittedly pretty big for me. Everything else is just for fun.

My issue is that at a base i'm sort of an all or nothing guy. I think its more my ADD than anything.

You get all of my attention and then someone or something else does. It's not hard to juggle for me tbh.

Over time in a relationship, without me really noticing it i will give more and more though. Not really trying super hard, it's just me learning my girl deeper and deeper. Eventually i can almolst predict a lot of what she needs and when that happens i'll start doing things for her while barely thinking about it. Like im listening to a youtuber babble about videogames and ill just put the tea kettle on for her because i know she takes tea after work. Or i'll see a mess she left and pick it up because im already cleaning. Some women think this is me desperately trying to prove my value. It's really not tho.

Over time that can make women feel like i have no options, even though im pretty good looking, 6'7 have girls attracted to me all the time and am a genuine person with cool hobbies.

I do better with more women because i feel like with them the split focus feels a bit more like normal focus on thier side.

Simple example. Women may think i'm desperate because i text back immidiately.

Not true. I could have ten women in my phone and i'll probabaly text back as soon as i see the message from any one of them, same for friends, family, online messages... whoever and whatever. I just reply fast.

It's more stressful to fake put down my phone and not text back for an hour. It just stays in my head and keeps nagging at me until i do it.

[dynamicyandere]

I personally see it as more of a poor etiquette thing, but not technically wrong if exclusivity hasn’t been established.



If it’s just the first couple of dates or so, I’d see that as fine. However, if you’ve been seeing each other for months, then you’re going to be leading them on if you haven’t let them know about the situation.


Also, if you’re looking for something serious, flirting with other people while you’ve been seeing someone can be seen as a red flag or a big turn off.


Best leave that for casual relationships and not serious ones, I’d say.

[Kountry_King]

I don’t date like that because I’m genuinely trying to get to know you. If I’m dating let’s say three different women how can I honestly get to know them. I don’t have that much time to juggle all these women. Hanging out , going out to eat or what have you. It’s too much energy so one is fine for me. Also I don’t want to be your second or third guy. I could be calling or texting to say let’s hit the aquarium or something today. She’ll just say I’m busy , you are but you aren’t being honest. People can say they don’t have to disclose this information that’s true. But now you guys are a couple now and I find out you were lying to see other guys on dates or hook ups. For me I wouldn’t like that and would probably just be done. Some will say me or anyone Who thinks this way is immature but hey.

[MichaelEspinoza]

Well here's my opinion on this , I believe you should but you should also use discernment when going on a date. For me I would date a couple of girls till i found the right one & by that I mean I would use discernment if was dating several girls cause by using discernment you can filter the ones you don't need to be with.

[Pegases]

Most people shoot themselves in the foot by doing exactly this. Its not easy to entertain mutiple people at once, and usually leads to all of your options falling through because you were distracted. Also, most people seem to be OK with this as long as they are the only person doing it. So if you dont want to be dating someone that has you on a rotation as well, then dont waste your time, stop doing it to other people.

[420Rachel]

I used to date like that, talking to multiple people at one time. I’ve found that it just leads to disappointment on the opposite end if you end up only liking one person. My strategy has changed in recent years and I only focus on one person at a time. Maybe we’ll fall in love, maybe we won’t. Life’s a gamble!

[letuswaltzforthedead]

I think its stupid, I don't consider flirting to be dating. Dating is more serious and you're actually trying to find a life long partner, otherwise don't bother. It's unlikely you'll actually put in the effort into something you're just going for fun instead of seriously and you'll be wasting everybody's time.

[TheorionMage]

The fundamental POINT of 'dating' is to explore compatibility for potential exclusivity and yet deeper relations.
Personally, I've always practiced 'serial monogamy' ... giving each companion my full attention.
But... that's me. This used to be termed: "Going (out) steady..."

[DarkCarousel]

I don’t think it’s wrong IF both parties are aware of it.
I personally cannot do it— when I’m interested in a man, I want to see it through until I know we are not compatible. If I think enough of him to get to know him and go on dates, I’m not going to also try and get to know someone else.
Plus that sounds like too much damn work for me.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I don't particularly see it as "wrong" per se, I can see how it would be kind of scummy if you handled it in a certain way where you committed to nothing to keep as many people in your pocket as possible for shallow reasons, but I also understand wanting to keep your options open until you're sure of what you want. It depends on the context of how and why they're doing it.

[mrmonogamous]

The only women I ever ask out on a date or ones that I knew a little bit about and wanted to seek a long-term relationship with. I had only had four long-term girlfriends before I met number five, my wife of 34 years in mother of my three children. Dating, just for sake of dating (or sex) is something I don’t agree with.

[Camson22]

If you just started dating this girl and you have already grown to like her and you do not want to ever be apart from her, then you will be faithful to her and only her. But if your dating someone and you dont really feel a connection then you should breakup with her and go on with your life and you can date whoever you want after that until you find the right one. I do not think dating more then one person at a time is okay because it not only hurts your partners but it can also hurt you. Because if your dating let's say 3 girls at once and you really like all of them then it's going to tear you apart to choose between them. Keep in minde that you can't stay with all of them forever and that you wouldn't like it if they were dating other people and not just you.

[pass_the_celery98]

I don’t think it’s wrong per se but if I went on 5 dates with 3 different girls just to “figure” them out is kind of wrong. Because I’ve invested so much time in many different people just to choose one 🤔. Usually after a few months I can tell who’s being sincere and who’s not.

[Ghostykill3r]

It's not wrong as long as no one you're dating thinks that you're exclusive. I personally wouldn't but that's because it would be too hard to for me to remember who's who lol

[RolandCuthbert]

?

How else are you to find the right person? I don't understand these folks who actually believe they can have success dating one person at a time.

[OddBeMe]

As long as no one is being lied too. Though that’s a personal thing you can choose to do. Guys do get territorial even on first dates.


Only time I went to a strip club was night before my wedding with pals. And one friend got so mad a stripper he just paid was lap dancing some other guy. I’m like, “it’s her job…”

[hismave]

Well no, but know if u are ready to date, why you want to date and what good u feel ur relationship will be to you first and then to the society. Don't date aimlessly, have a specification and always remember why u are in it. That way u can find ur partner and may not have to date up to 3 guys to attain that.

[Beatrix7]

nope that being a greedy basterd sex aff them all and if he's is able to multipule date he won't stop even when he's chose one of you he could end up attached with u all and you can only hiv one love in your life to make it complete and be happy

[MCheetah]

Wasting other people's time that you aren't serious about being with? Yes, that's pretty sh*tty.

Dating people, genuinely hoping, or not knowing if, they're the "right one" for you? That's fine.

[red324]

Women are horrible about this.

[Naiomiiiii]

In my opinion I think talking to many people is fine, but dating someone for me means that I'm serious about the guy and I pretty much know that he's into me as well then I don't have any other reason to entertain someone else.. the fact that it's gonna work or not it's not something I put as a possibility in front of me just bcz I don't want to get into something thinking that it's gonna fail anyhow evey person has their own to approach relationships

[SlothySlob]

Define "dating several people". Do you mean multiple people at once?

Define dating. Does that include having sex with them, or just meeting up with them and trying to build some sort of a connection?

[alcorriher]

flirting is ok but dating several people depends on HOW MANY people though. im single, but I've learned to protect mysekf and save myself for 1 to 2 guys. also, you just dont wanna date around just to date around or for the fun of it all

[KathrynTaylor]

Not at all wrong. Just don’t start sleeping with all of them. When you decide who, decide on one.

[dustybiker]

At the same time? Not if you are open and honest with everyone. Allows the other people to decide what they want too.

[DizzyDesii]

No but i like to let then know if i’m talking to more than just them. I also dont get physical with anyone until i’ve decided on one

[sphinx23]

Nope. Not my cup of tea. One at a time. If the first doesn't work, move on to the next. But not the same time.

[cth96190]

One woman is mentally exhausting and has to be scheduled into a busy life.
I do not have the time, or mental energy, to deal with more than one woman.

[lightbulb27]

nothing wrong with that. beggars can't be choosers. those with abundance gives options. But I'd keep values in check.

[Vikkrram]

Ma'am for me it is right coz if i am not interested in someone then i won't date them or not even flirt wid them

[thegreenyogi]

No I wouldn't because for me personally it would too much work to keep multiple relationships going all at the same time.

[Faith18letsgo]

No, as long as your honest with the others that they’re not the only ones your seeing.

[ChillaxingLove]

It’s not wrong as long as they all know you’re doing that. That would mean they can all so do the same though.

[Shark_61695]

I think that until you actually start dating it is ok to chat to multiple people on online dating. An initial meetup is not a date for this purpose as you are just getting a gauge on the other person.

[Tracker1958]

Dating no, having sex with them, yes. It you are dating several men at the same time, they are not going to take you seriously as the one. Dating several guys send a message to men that your not serious and just want to F and party.

[HappyWoman34]

I don’t, as long as you’re not serious with any of them (sleeping with any).

[JennaWillow]

Flirting isn't dating? This question confuses me lol

[exitseven]

You need to date somebody to find out if you are compatible. There are no shortcuts. It is okay to try several people on for size.

[DaisyM23]

no, not everyone can meet the right person in the first one and that's rare anyways

[Emilyis]

NO I would never date more than one person at a time.

[kellytheman]

Yeah flirting with several people is fine but when you think you found the right person and star dating then you should stop flirting with other people.

[Razp_Sorbet]

No, as long as everyone you are dating is aware that you are seeing other people

[ChattyGuy43]

I would probably flirt with them all but I wouldn't do that to find the right person, what am i on, one of those cheesy dating shows.

[TacosRAwesome]

I don't think it's wrong and it's kinda what I'm doing this time round instead of committing to the first one that offers.

[Anonymous]

It's not wrong if you're honest with your feelings. What makes it wrong with so many women is they're very ambiguous with the guys they date. Good rule of thumb, if you wouldn't want it done to you don't do it to someone else.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No. Ideally that is the best way to do it as it opens you to see what's out there for you unless you and the person know for a fact that's the person you desire to be without a doubt.

[olzart]

No I think that’s part of the problem w/us a s a culture we “test” things out too much which makes it so much easier to just bail when we see one little thing we don’t like & then we can move on to the next thing.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

No, I support it all the way, until you meet the right person.

[Ninania]

I'm polyamorous, so I keep dating several people as long as I'm open for new relations.

[xxnostalgiagalxx]

I'm non-monogamous, so of course I don't. If you mean dating several different people before deciding one is your boyfriend... it depends on how long you've dating them. Maybe come clean if you've gone one more than 6 dates with at least two of them?

[Philyouup]

dating several people is fine until you make a commitment. the one person at a time is bullshit , but once you decide you like that one person.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If any physical contact occurs, yes, but if its just talking to figure out who to pick, no.

[poneglyphs]

If I could I barely date one person at a time 😭😭😭

[KrakenAttackin]

Flirting is not dating. You mean sleeping with many people, which is a great way to condemn yourself to being single.

[Nigjt]

Not if you are into that kind of thing and you tell all the others up front with no secrets.
God Bless