Do you think it's appropriate to date multiple people at once?

[Anonymous]

To be clear, I do not mean a poly relationship or an open relationship.

I mean, the phase of getting to know someone with the intention of a committed relationship.

Do you think that it is appropriate to also take interest in others in this period of getting to know someone?

Do you think that people should stick to getting to know one person at a time?

I personally think it more respectful to stick to one person at a time, regardless of whether you have no commitments or obligation to them.

Yes.

No.

[Lliam]

I wasn't that interested in simply finding girls who wanted to fuck. I wanted a relationship with a girl who was picky, had self-respect, self-esteem and a libido who adored me and was interested in an exclusive relationship.

When I found a super cute girl with a hot bod and fun personality, I wanted to get to know her. If we clicked on the first date, I would schedule another date for the soonest time that fit our schedules. In the meantime, I would call her regularly to chat and stay in touch. The idea was to get to know each other, build rapport, see where things led.

As long as I continued to get good vibes, I gave her my full interest and treated her like she was ideal.

I couldn't do that with more than one girl at time. Besides, it would seem disrespectful to date others at the same time, as if she wasn't good enough and I was still shopping. It would make me seem like a player.

I'll say that I would be put off if I found out that she was dating other guys at the same time.

Devoting my attention only to her didn't mean professing undying love. It just showed that I thought she was adorable, I liked her a lot, and was interested in a monogamous relationship.

The goal was to quickly become best friends and sweethearts, for her to feel comfortable, safe and secure, surrender herself completely, let down her inhibitions, release her pent up sexual desires, and to engage in ravenous, passionate sex on a constant basis.

If things didn't seem right at any time, from the first date on, either one of us could back off.

But that's just me.

[MrOracle]

What's important is that doing this is against the norm. The vast majority of people are going to expect that you are exclusive to them if you are dating - that's the default expectation in society.

For that reason, if you intend NOT to be exclusive, then in my opinion you are obligated to make that clear, up-front, with anyone you might potentially date. For many, this will be a deal-breaker, and that's too bad. For some, it will be acceptable, and so there should be minimal friction about it.

My general guideline is that if you are outside the norm in any way, you are obligated to disclose that to any potential partner from the beginning - even though doing so will cost you some potential partners. If you are rich or very poor, if you practice a minority religion, if you have a health issue, sexual kinks, or in any other way are outside the mainstream, the other person needs to know, so they can make an informed decision about being with you.

[MrNameless]

I think it's a generational thing. It's fairly common in Gen Y and Z to talk to casually multiple people at once before it becomes exclusive, especially in online dating. I do think dating multiple people at once is more uncommon than one at a time, but those in online dating culture know.

[Baublebar234]

Technically speaking, that’s what dating is. You are single and getting to know people. That does NOT mean you are sleeping with every single person you are dating (which some people misconstrue that ideology in dating when that’s not the case). But if you’re getting to know someone, respectfully don’t put all your eggs into one basket until it’s a mutual decision on being exclusive to one another. In casual dating, remember A) you don’t know if they are also dating other people so don’t get your hopes up or think you are the only person until you have that exclusivity conversation. B) don’t put your eggs in one basket because you could miss out on another person who wants to take you out too. C) remember that you are technically single until otherwise so don’t get overly jealous or act like a significant other when you’re technically not yet. (And again this does not equate to sleeping or having sexual relations to every person you are dating! Do not do that please and practice safe sex :) )

[Baublebar234]

B ) **

[At3mis24]

That's horrible! Relationships are going to hell... I will never again be approached by anyone, not even an actor, it's finish!

[Baublebar234]

Nobody is stopping you lol

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes.

Until you become exclusive with one of them.

[GoodgirlNatalie]

You have very loose morals. No wonder you support 50 year old dating 19 year olds. Creepy

[Baublebar234]

How is that loose morals? If you think for a second that every person you have ever dated casually was automatically loyal to only you without any exclusivity or conversation about being exclusive, you are foolish lol! It also doesn’t mean you must talk to 20 different people but when you are single, it does not hurt to put your eggs in different baskets either. Please keep in mind and understand the difference between casual dating and being in an exclusive relationship. The main problem with people is not playing your role respectfully or understanding it. You are technically single until it is agreed with someone about being exclusive to one another. When you just think someone should be automatically loyal to you without any title in place, you are being foolish.

[MrNameless]

@GoodgirlNatalie, I'm not sure how that is loose morals. You're in the minority here. Casually dating multiple people without any emotional attachment and commitment is accepted. A lot of people do it. Morally and ethically, it isn't wrong. What's terrible is lying to someone about not dating others or being in a committed relationship and having others without consent.

[Baublebar234]

@MrNameless 100% agreed!!!

[At3mis24]

@Baublebar234 Casual dating is so disgusting and mean, I'm totally exclusive that's why I'm still single. Communication is the key!

[Baublebar234]

@At3mis24 please explain to me how is that mean? If they don’t know you and you have been on one single date with this person, how do they owe you any loyalty? You are not automatically in a relationship or exclusive just because you been on one single date getting to each other. Until someone legit tells you, “I want us to be exclusive” or “let’s be in a relationship”, you are single and so is the other person. And let’s say you are exclusive to that person just because you don’t want to entertain other people, that’s 100% fine too. But rightfully so, they don’t owe you that in return until mutually said exclusivity otherwise. Why? Because they are technically single!

[At3mis24]

@MrNameless What? I’ve never read anything so disgusting! How is it humanly possible? People have no values or what? Where's the respect? So, that's clear: I will NEVER date anyone! I will stay single for the rest of my life, I'm very disappointed about this!

[Baublebar234]

So stay single, nobody is stopping you lol. Disrespect would be being in an exclusive relationship talking to multiple people (hence what it is called cheating). Being single talking to multiple people is not disrespectful, because you are SINGLE (free to do what you want with no commitment). As long as that single person makes it very known of their intentions, what is the real problem? If you assume every single person is automatically loyal to you after one single date, that’s foolish. Please understand the difference between being single and casual dating vs being in an exclusive relationship. Keywords: CASUAL vs EXCLUSIVE.

[At3mis24]

@Baublebar234 What? I'm VERY offende and I'll blockl you, viper!!!

[Baublebar234]

@at3mis24 I just said my opinion. But listen, it’s a free country, so nobody is stopping you. But feel free to Google search casual vs exclusive dating while you’re at it. All the best :*

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t think it’s right to sleep with all of the people you go out on dates with though. I think sex must be kept for very special connections.

[GoodgirlNatalie]

@MrNameless if you look at the poll girls are split on this so I am not in the minority

[molonski2]

@LeFemmeFatale_1
My thought exactly... How could it possibly be wrong? You are simply dating , see as many as you can fit in.

[AviatorTom]

It's okay to date more than one person at a time, but you need to make sure you don't give them any idea that you are exclusive.

[FatNeville]

I think it's okay as long as the people you're dating don't consider the things you do with them to be dates. As long as they believe that it's just friendly time together, that's cool. But once they say that they are going on a date with you, that's when it's time to pay attention to that person specifically and let other people form a queue. If dates with a person become frequent enough that people would say that the two of you are "dating', then that's certainly a time when there should be communication about it if you intend to see other people simultaneously.

[At3mis24]

It's better to stay single than living this gross thing, only one at once, that's my rule.

[MrNameless]

It's okay to date multiple people at once early on if you can handle it.

I think one to two dates with multiple people is universally accepted. Every person moves differently, and some might take longer to build attraction and develop something. If you're on the third date and are moving fast to unofficially acting like a couple, I think that's where you should stop and consider drawing the line at that. And absolutely, when you are committed, drop everyone else immediately.

If one of your dates asks if you are dating anyone else, be honest.

If I felt a real connection with one, the communication was constant, and she liked me just as much, I would just focus on them. I usually date one person at a time. I don't have the energy and time to date multiple people simultaneously, and I'd feel bad about it too, even if a lot of people do it.

[Baublebar234]

100% agree. Me personally I date only one person at a time (not because I assume there is exclusivity)… it’s because I don’t have the legitimate time or energy to deal with multiple people at once. But technically speaking, a single person is more than willing to do so until they are exclusive to someone else and there is a conversation about the mutual exclusion to each other.

[MrNameless]

The last person I dated.. Lasted a month. We developed feelings for each other very fast. I started dating her when the woman before here I dated (it was date #2), didn't get back to me a week The week after I started dating her. I felt an instant spark. She was attractive, we had a lot of things in common... We were talking every day on messaging, and a lot. No red flags. The first date lasted for at least 3 hours. I felt something special. By the end of the second date a week after we made out. If i was dating anyone else at the time, that would have been donzo. We were talking to each other 3 hours a day, and the sexting got heavy. On the third date, she kind of threw me off by casually saying she was talking to someone else on the app, but nothing serious. I don't know if she was trying to make me jealous. If that was a red flag, that would be it. Got to the 4th date and had sex a couple times. Unfortunately, it ended over a stupid misunderstanding. I really thought she was the one. I don't think anyone can pull a straight 180 in one night for something minor i did, even when I tried correcting the issue.

Anyhow, sometimes you feel something immediately on the first date or another. But usually by the end of the second date, I know if they are relationship material. I think that's a good thing to follow. casually dating 1-2 dates with multiple people (assuming the attraction hasn't been built up nearly as fast as mine yet) is okay in my book.

[Baublebar234]

Wow that’s crazy! I’m sorry your connection ended so abruptly over a small misunderstanding. I actually wouldn’t mind messaging you privately to ask a male perspective on a situation if you don’t mind? (Let me know if that’s okay — thanks!)

[Purpleronnie]

No I don’t and think that most if not all people should agree even though there will be a lot that do this.
How horrible to think that you could be dating someone and they could be someone really special only to find out that that person is also dating several other people. They would immediately go to the top of my list of awful human beings and be extracted from my life !

[Baublebar234]

I agree with this to an extent. If we have been on several dates together and you became somewhat special to me, there should be a conversation at some point on what we are doing here (whether exclusivity is in place and we are moving forward or not). However, the first couple of dates are solely getting to know each other and compatibility. Putting eggs into one basket so soon thinking the other person is doing the same is foolish. That’s how some people get their hopes up and receive heartbreak at the end. Some people should not operate with the logic that everyone will be loyal to them especially without exclusivity or a title in place. They owe you nothing until said otherwise.

[Purpleronnie]

Yeah , understood , I don’t disagree with that either starting from the point where you don’t know the person you are dating. but have the balls to say from date / day 1 I’m going on dates with other people. It’s unfair to think that the other person either knows this or thinks otherwise.

[Baublebar234]

Agreed. It’s very important to say your intentions from the start. But unfortunately in this world, not everyone operates with pure intentions and you are right, it is unfair. To avoid heartbreak and disappointment, that’s how you have to date to protect yourself because nobody else will do it for you. You are technically single and free to do what you want until mutual exclusivity is said otherwise.

[Purpleronnie]

Agreed , I’d always ask if they are going on other dates to let me know where I stand , everyone should clearly ! 😆 the answer would impact my decision on whether invite them on another date. Truth is though I’m the guy who would date very selectively being as confident as possible that there was some chemistry there. From what I understand some people cast a larger net. Going on multiple dates with multiple people would be very telling !! Of a person.

[MrNameless]

This is how the dating world is. People have options. Why put all your eggs in one basket?

Look, personally, I only choose to date one person at a time in person. I don't have the time and energy to date multiple people simultaneously. But I understand those who date multiple people in one week. You must know you are not mutually exclusive/committed when single. You barely know each other and trying to figure each other out and hoping to see if you would progress into a relationship. You don't always find that spark on the first or second date. Sometimes you find you aren't compatible right away, and move on. Or maybe you find a spark and wanna go on another date to see if they are compatible with you. There is nothing ethically or morally wrong with this. Ideally, it works better when everyone is transparent and communicates, and is honest (also, not lying by omission).

How many people have you dated, and how many do you think have dated other people in the same time, before being mutually exclusive? It's a good idea to ask on a first or second date. Ask if they're ever dated multiple people at once, and if they are doing it right now. If it bothers you, then you can stop seeing them.

[MrNameless]

Would you prefer they tell you, or not.. Or would you want to ask them? It won't change the fact that they would be dating multiple people simultaneously.

I don't recommend putting all your eggs in one basket. I would especially not be too emotionally invested early on, cause that's when you'll get burned.

[Baublebar234]

@MrNameless excellently said!!!

[MrNameless]

Whoops, I misread your first reply. You prefer if people tell you if they are dating multiple people at once. I agree with the other person.. In a perfect world, people should be doing that. I don't think they necessarily have to. I would just assume they are. But I recommend just asking them by the end of the first or second date, cause nearly no one will tell you they are without asking. And those who lie about it (if you knew they are), don't deserve to be trusted.

[At3mis24]

The worst people of the world are they who going on multiple dates with more than one person, this is gross!

[Purpleronnie]

Thanks to @MrNameless & @Baublebar234 I guess I at least have another viewpoint where culturally I appreciate this is a “thing” but @At3mis24 my feelings are the same as yours generally speaking I find just the idea of having multiple dates with different people repugnant. Let’s be clear here , there is no right and wrong other than being honest and clear with intentions and even though I can stretch my acceptance to people wanting to “date” that way I know it could never be me. The reality is if a girl I was dating was dating other people at the same time and openly admitted that when asked there would not be a second date. I cannot treat a potential emotional connection to someone like an interview. To me dating multiples is like “ keeping your options open “ , of “being afraid of commitment” “ just about attention” or worse , a free meal ticket. It’s just vile

[kaozpiper]

I know people do, but for me I can't. I am loyal to a friggin fault and if I'm interested in someone romantically then all of my focus is on them.

Seeing this girl currently, and although we aren't dating, we're sort of exclusive. I don't look for other women and she doesn't look for other guys. So much so that even though we're just friends right now, we act like we are dating and are physical as if we were as much as possible without sleeping together.

I've tried looking for other women right now, but whenever I try I just can't do it.

[mono_gram]

I also think it's more respectful to date only one person at a time otherwise, you are not being loyal to either guy and essentially cheating (in my opinion).

I would want to put my focus on one person and get to know them well (if they are a good match) before deciding to stay with them or move on, especially if it's with the intention of a committed relationship. And I would want that person to do the same for me as well.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Personally I couldn't and I don't want to date multiple people.
I mean, if a first date kind of overlaps another first date, that's fine, but after at least second date, you should be able to go after one person to focus on.

I don't believe you're able to fully get to know someone and focus on that person, if you're dating several.

But as long as you're open and honest about the situation, then people can do whatever they're comfortable with.

I just wouldn't.

[mstbooblover]

As long as you're not really engaged in a serious relation, I don't see why you should not have the right to test your compatibility with different persons, in order to find the one you really match with. You'll still have to be honest with the person you're dating.

[At3mis24]

No, it's dishonest!

[mstbooblover]

@At3mis24 Depending on circumstances, maybe sometimes yes, sometimes no. I don't think it's wise to continue dating anyone if your guts ultimately make you feel to be wrong...

[Longshanks1968]

I've been known to “date” up to 9 women at once.
As long as I didn't make any promises to anyone then I'm all good.
In fact, I usually would tell them that I see others and I'm not sure why, but it seemed like that made them want to have sex with me even more.
I think they appreciated the honesty?

[loveslongnails]

It's perfectly appropriate. What if I meet two people on the same day, or even at the same place (say, someone's party), and I'm interested in both of them? I don't know anything about either of them yet except they were both attractive and interesting to me. Why should I flip a coin and choose either one? No, I want at LEAST one date with each of them.

[OfMiceandMen]

I am of the same opinion. If I'm taking the time to get to know someone, I want to put 100% of my time and effort into getting to know the one person.

Besides, I think it would just get way to confusing seeing multiple people and dishonest.

[4ngelic]

not really, people who do that give me fboy/heartless hoe vibes. but maybe that's because i mainly grew up in Europe where you only date one person at a time (and it's exclusive) or else it's cheating

[Simslover92]

Not if you're exclusive but even if you're not, I don't see how people can juggle more than one person at a time.

[molonski2]

Of course it is , why should it possibly only be one? You are not totally committed so its certainly should be multiple , as many as you can fit in.

[At3mis24]

DISGUSTING !

[molonski2]

hahahahaha... Disgusting? Its a DATE for fcks sake , nothing more , he can date as many as he likes , what is it whit this utter crap !

[molonski2]

@At3mis24

Here is someone elses question.. How does this differ? Or Is it disgusting too? Females question
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- see below

How long should you wait before being exclusive?
Satarupa9511
Satarupa9511
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Age: 28

[DizzyDesii]

I think its fine to get to know multiple while unofficial/not exclusive. The moment we agree to be exclusive or official (which are different to me) then everyone else gets cut off

[Mangospacho]

It’s fine for the first few dates. The first date does not meant you are committed to one person. If you’re dating someone for 6 months and then also seeing someone else, that would be a problem.

[At3mis24]

I will never accept it, my rule is: 100% exclusive and 100% faithful. If a partner can't accept it, I go away far from him

[Mangospacho]

@At3mis24 You expect complete faithfulness on the first date? Before you’re even a couple?

[At3mis24]

Yes, if I'm attracted and have feelings and feel alchemy

[CriticalCatDad123]

No. If I met a woman who wanted to date and I found out she was seeing another guy too I'd tell her to go with him and block her

[DishLady]

Personally, I avoid it. It’s stressful and messes with my chi.

[Hellur991]

Hard cause u catch more feelings to one then the other million are fucked. They basically competing for u and they don't even know lolol

[SYTHOX]

Why shouldn't you explore your options if you're going on dates? It doesn't mean you're exclusive with that person. I don't understand why some people wouldn't be accepting of the fact.

[At3mis24]

Because it's not respect, you can hurt someone, be careful!

[SYTHOX]

Just because you're trying out different people to see who's the best fit doesn't mean you don't respect them. Dating is the process of getting to know someone. Finding someone isn't like getting a pair of gloves you need to really make sure who you're going to end up with fits you well otherwise it's not going to be a good relationship. There's nothing wrong with it, especially if you haven't agreed to be exclusive yet. If you had it's a different story