Is it ethical to date multiple people at the same time if you're not exclusive?

Question

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

Based on how dating is these days, I lean toward yes and here's why.

In the past, people had the opportunity to observe and get to know several options for potential partners, often either while growing up or in the community over a period of years. This was simply a social stage, "getting to know who's who" and how they function in multiple areas of life. Work, play, friends, family, etc. This gave context for each person.

That is no longer the case. People are meeting complete strangers and trying to determine within a matter of days if this has the potential for a long-term attachment. It's ridiculous, in my humble opinion, but it's a product of convenience, technology, and dramatically reduced authentic environments for meeting people. That's another topic, but the point is that trying to connect in that kind of culture basically demands a different approach.

I personally couldn't do it simply because I would forget if Jason worked in IT or the produce department if I had three dates with three different guys in a week, LOL. I'd text the wrong response to the wrong guy and be at the wrong place at the wrong time... So basically a disaster. :D Not my cup of tea.

silvermoon84 · Accepted Answer

I don’t date multiple people even though I keep getting told I should until one person asks me be their girlfriend. It’s my friends and my mother who keep saying this. I struggle with this though, because I tend to hyperfocus more on the person that I’m interested in than any other prospects, even though I keep getting told I’ll increase my chances of finding someone if I keep my options open. I just find it really confusing and exhausting to date multiple people at a time. What if I get my facts about the guys mixed up and attribute the wrong facts about the wrong guy (example I decide to cook for guy A and I make him lasagna for dinner thinking it’s his favorite meal then come to find out guy A hates lasagna and I find out it’s really guy B’s favorite meal).

MrOracle · Answer

I will not date anyone who is dating around. One of the first questions I have asked women I was considering dating is if she is seeing anyone else, and if so, I'm out.

in my opinion, if you are seeing other people (and this applies to men and women), you are not taking anyone seriously and are just "having fun" and thus should be considered "recreational use only."

I don't date anyone who is anything other than completely single. I would not date a woman who was separated from her husband, for example - until that divorce was final, I consider her to be taken.

Thankfully I don't have to deal with that crap anymore, but I have had these rules in place since my 20s, and it has saved me much grief and hassle.

DishLady · Answer

It depends on the level of dating, HP. If you’ve started seeing different people and are only on 1st-3rd date level with all of them, you’re fine. By date 4-5, though, you should know who deserves the blue horn on the wall and who needs to be cut from the lineup. That’s the person you give a bit more of a chance to… and then if it doesn’t work out you start all over again.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Yes, provided that there is no misrepresentation or misleading statement or action that would make any of your dating partners believe that you are dating them exclusively.

Avicenna · Answer

Yeah. Exclusivity needs to be decided on by both parties.

Summeroflove · Answer

As long as it isn’t secretive and not stringing someone along. Dating is getting to know someone. People should be trying to narrow it down though

NimbleOcelot · Answer

No, unless they are also seeing multiple partners. Ultimately, most people don't like it, but they don't want to speak out against it, or are afraid they are being unreasonable by asking you not to.

Exclusive and not exclusive are just terms used to allow someone to "ethically" cheat, and not be judged for it. I can't say how many people I've heard where they weren't exclusive, but the other person wasn't ok with it, or was hurt by it in some way, and often, the side dating multiple people isn't upfront about it.

The way I see it, there are three levels of dating. Not together, casual/friends with benefits, and then in a relationship. Tinder has blurred these lines, as well as people not going out anymore, but in my opinion, if you are in a relationship, unless it's an open relationship, you should only be seeing that one person. There's of course some leeway for dates, but once you pick, you should stick with them until one of you decide it isn't working out.

Crimsyjo · Answer

Ooo.. I'm doing Ethics currently in my degree module. Kant would say - does it pass the tests. Is it rational to do? Yes. It is. Especially the older you get like me where you haven't got months to waste on each and every person just to find it didn't click. Is it something every person should do? (Principle of universitality) .. hm. Actually no. I can't say that. If everyone absolutely did it then nobody in dating would trust or want to date. So morally it didn't pass the test...

For me on a personal level.. I wouldn't date multiple once passed a certain level. So like I might meet 2 or 3 guys for first dates. But if one of the 3 clicks and we talk more and go on more dates I'd stop the other two. It's really about putting your energy in the right places. You don't know where that is straight away. But should soon. Not like multiple date for 6 months or anything!

hahahmm · Answer

Exclusivity will be assumed at some point if you see the other person often and never mention seeing other people & even tho, there was no agreement to be exclusive.

I can't say precisely when that is because it would vary depending on how often you see each other but, the more often you see each other & the more time you spend together the more it sends the message that it's exclusive.

Long Distance, I wouldn't even count at all... until you actually meet each other. After that point the clock starts ticking.

If the other person believes you're exclusive based on your behavior you're still a cheater to go against that. So it's best not to string people along.

RichA322 · Answer

No.

But it definitely depends on the country, the cultural and religious influence that country or society has.

I know areas where you would immediately get shamed as "slut"/"Man slut" for doing it.

And I know areas where dating like this and even sex BEFORE dating almost the norm. Because the mindset there is more or less:

Why buy something before you have tested it?
Why test just one, if you can test several and then buy the one that fits best for you?

And have learned to prefer the latter.

But I'm not lying and pretending "we are exclusive" before we actually are. I'm honest about it the whole time, because otherwise I would be a deceiving and lying person. And once we're are exclusive, we ARE exclusive.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I suppose it is ethical but I just can't do it.. I'm not built that way. I either like you or I don't and if I don't I know fairly early so we can stop seeing each other and move on. That's why I don't get why guys will keep playing games where they act like they are into you when they aren't and keep seeing others.. it's like stop lying and fuck off.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Yes it fine. The grey area is where sex comes in, because then we are talking about StD exposures, Lord knows I've had a few. But if I have coffee with Brenda on Tuesday and happy hour with Rhonda on Wednesday I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Gwendoline · Answer

As long as no sex or kissing is involved and no commitments made.

DR_Rizzo · Answer

It’s not unethical but there is a certain expectation of monogamy even when dating. As long as you’re forthcoming about it with your partners it’s completely ethical! Some people play dumb others don’t stop to think about what they would want but most would be a little let down to hear there are others.

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

If you both understand that the relationship is casual and that no one has agreed to Claims on each other. Then Yes , you are playing the field. No foul. If you are leading someone on. Such that one individual is serious and the other is not. and that is not not understood by both, then no it is not ethical. Archaicly speaking, "You cad."

Drumlin2001 · Answer

As long as you're honest and open about it. Not if you lie

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

That's called an  open relationship  which should be disclosed early on.

Staximus · Answer

I only date 1 woman at a time and expect her to only be dating me. I don't want to fool around with any other women on the side. If she wants to fool around with other guys, she can take a hike.

msc545 · Answer

Yes it is. Unless you're having sex with more than one of them at the same time.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

I don't know how anyone can date more than one person. Too much energy required.

molonski2 · Answer

Of course it is.. Why not? You are not exclusive , date as many as you can handle at once.

GlowUpGirly5 · Answer

If you have no ring on your finger you're single. There's no such thing as being exclusive if you're not married

dustybiker2 · Answer

Are people immortal? You only have a finite amount of time in this life.

SleepingHazard · Answer

If you're not exclusive yet, yes. If you're not going to make it a point to get exclusive with any of them, just leave them alone already.

Oncewildtwiceburned · Answer

What’s your ethics based on? The Louisiana Bar Association?

Kelly6 · Answer

dating multiple people at same time is ethical now.

Tomisworthless · Answer

Unethical to some and not to others. We all have our own moral compasses

blackeagle007 · Answer

Women do it, why are we not allowed to? No way I’m putting my life on hold

princeofromance · Answer

Yes, it is not considered cheating until you two are exclusive.

NicholasRedone · Answer

Only for reality 📺 television

Abdulwahh · Answer

I mean sure if it means getting to know more potentials

SheScorpio04 · Answer

if you’s met through dating site. It going through your option.

purplepoppy · Answer

It would be frowned upon in the UK

Cormac995 · Answer

Doing that always felt disingenuous to me.

slatyb · Answer

As long as you don't lie about it, it's fine.

Is it ethical to date multiple people at the same time if you're not exclusive?

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