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And how does it contrast to marrying someone younger (for women who have married men 5-10 years younger)
And what are the cons of marrying a man 5-10 years older? Did they need to take viagra? Were they as competent in the bedroom as younger men? Were they losing hair? Etc…
Please share your experiences.
There are some very big cons to being with an older man from a woman's perspective. So the pros to being with a guy the same age, for me, had to do with avoiding the cons of older men. lol I was thinking about age carefully when I was recently single (now in a relationship). I think 30s in the developed, western world, especially in major cities, is like the best time to be dating as a woman. I think late 20s could be included there as well. The wall is a myth in my lived reality. I actually think you have more and better options, in my opinion. (This is from an American context, by the way.) Younger men, same age, older men. Many have been educated (undergrad and for many, also graduate school by now as well) and have often established a career. Being in those circles exposes you to a different caliber of men than you usually have access to when you're young, in my opinion. Not only that, but you actually have the education, confidence, social skills, and a kind of developed style, swagger, sophistication that just attracts different kinds of men. This is a generalization, of course, and a lot of it has to do with social circles and your own internal dialogue - how you feel about yourself.
But when I considered dating older men, there were so many undesirable factors. I was open a little bit. I did briefly talk to a few much older men online (40s and 50s), but it never went anywhere. I dated guys a bit younger than me or just a bit older/same age. I was 32 when I met and focused on current boyfriend, who is only one year older than I am, so we're the same age. My preferred age range was about 27-35, but I was open to stretching that for the right person, with a second preference from 25 to 38. I would have seriously dated a guy who was 40, but probably not past 45 and even that was a far stretch for me.
My Reasons against a large age gap for myself
1. Statistically, age gap marriages in the United States (and probably also in similar countries) have an astronomically high divorce rate. It's the highest you can get from what I've read. It's almost guaranteed once you're hitting 15-20+ years apart. I'm looking to find a husband for the long term. Nothing is guaranteed, but my parents have been married for almost 45 years (albeit not the happiest lol) and they're the same age, so it's also a culturally familiar standard to pursue someone my age. I want to give myself the best chance at something that is built to last and there is a lot to be said for being at similar stages of life, relatability, and variety of other age-related factors. In contrast, couples with a one-year difference in age have a very low statistical rate of divorce.
2. Couples who marry in their in their late 20s to early-mid 30s have the lowest divorce rate. Men who are in that range are also the most interested in actually getting married as well, statistically.
3. A lot of men who specifically seek younger women have a case of arrested development in terms of some aspects of maturity. Luckily, at my age I can tell from their response to my approach when I bring up serious things and long-term romantic goals. I recall one 45-year-old reminded me of an early 20-something in how he responded, but that also gets to my next point - they often want something casual. Not to mention I will question their views on women in general. And some older men do specifically look for younger women because they're controlling. I think this is more likely for very young women than a woman in her early 30s, but I do still think it's a thing to look out for.
4. (Dating) Many much older men are looking for something casual, as they may have been recently divorced, having a mid-life crisis, what have you. A lot of older men have been through it and just want to have fun, which is cool, but just not what I was seeking.
5. Erectile dysfunction is very common among older men, and is the cause of many "dead bedrooms" in both couples that age together and couples with an older man. That means a lot less penetrative sex available, feelings that it may be me or my fault even though its not, he has to be secure enough in himself to actually try to address it and not shut down from feeling "emasculated", etc. ED starts becoming more common in the 30s, so nothing is guaranteed. Testosterone starts to decline in mid-30s for men on top of ED situations increasing. It's more of an issue as they get older. Meanwhile, research indicates that sex drive is strongest for women from the late 20s up to mid 40s - menopause is when the dip happens, but that's a while from now. I felt that I'd really be testing nature if I dated a much older man. This is especially the case if I don't end up having a kid - then my sex drive won't be temporarily interrupted by that and I'd be even more unhappy with the sex situation. Having said that, you can make things work with a guy who has ED, especially if you really feel strongly for him and there are some treatments that may work (sometimes not though). Still, I wanted to reduce chances of having my highest sex drive years matched with a man who is on the decline of his own, so I chose to mostly focus on my age range. 40s and 50s is where a lot of more serious health issues come up more and that can also affect sex drive and complicate erectile function and testosterone as well I think.
(Will continue my excessively long answer in comments)
6. Sperm age and deteriorate as well. Science is discovering that older paternal age has a higher correlation with genetic defects and conditions for the baby, problems with childbirth and health for the newborn, and even pregnancy issues for the mother. Uh, no. If my eggs are already aging from a woman's timeline, it's not the smartest biological conclusion to mate with a male who has aging and deteriorating sperm that may cause my children birth defects or even complicate birth for myself. From that standpoint, my age or younger is smarter when it comes to reproduction.
7. Many older men already have children and I don't, and many of them don't want any more kids. This puts a strain on their availability, our compatibility in lifestyles, and makes me concerned for what kind of life we could have if I want to have a child as well. NYC is very expensive, I'm not open to moving, and I want a comfortable life and leaning toward yes on having a kid in my later 30s years. If he has to raise a kid, that's a lot of money, time, and resources not invested in my child in my mind and unless he is making bank, I'd be concerned with what kind of compromises I'd have to make when it comes to how far the money goes for my child and for myself. And if I'm not comfortable with that, then I shouldn't date a man with a child. (I'm not saying I'm definitely not, it depends. I'm saying it raises additional concerns and I'd have to think carefully about it.)
8. Perhaps a higher likelihood of misaligned cultural and political values. People my age are diverse here too, but there may be a higher likelihood that men in the 45+ range would have more conservative cultural ideals and political beliefs. This is a no for me.
9. Lack of cultural alignment from having grown up in a similar time period. There's something to be said about being able to relate this way and understand the world through a similar lens based on what happened as we grew up, how those things have shaped us in ways we may not even fully understand (especially in terms of technology and politics), etc.
10. You change throughout a relationship, and I think a larger age gap may increase the likelihood for growing apart. The stages of life and health are too different for many. Growing apart can happen anyway, of course, but in terms of probability, it seems more likely if you're not even in the same stage of life to begin with. I'd say this is even more likely if one partner is very young on top of being younger. My parents have been together since 16 and they changed a lot. There was a rough period in their marriage when I was young and I do think being young, growing up, expectations in life, different ideas of where you want to go in life, etc. all had something to do with it. They were young when they started together and couldn't have anticipated all of that or the ways they would change in their teens in 20s. That's just a part of growing up, and it can hit hard.
11. As for much younger men, more than like 5-6 years younger, the main issue is higher likelihood of being very immature, self-development and still learning about themselves at a fundamental level, and not being interested in or even prepared for the kind of serious relationship I was looking for, and talking about marriage and maybe kid in the near mature. That would be a lot for a 22 year old to handle, on average. Plus, it's highly unlikely that a young man would be financially ready for the kind of life I'm trying to build. I'm very attracted to successful, educated, confident, men with similar political values and an appreciation for depth as much as silliness. That tends to come with time, as it does with women as well. To be honest, even a lot of men in their 30s still aren't there yet, but there is a difference between the two groups. The men who grow into the kind of people I'm interested in often weren't born that way. They had to learn from mistakes, become educated, and learn how to self-reflect and adapt.
Blah blah blah. I'd encourage you to think carefully about marrying a much older or younger man, but it can work for some. My coworker is married to a man 10 years older than her and they are happy and matched in core values (they don't want kids, especially). She's 40 (and fucking stunning) and he's 50. I think she said they've been married for 8 years. Not sure when they first got together. I assume around 30/40, but not sure. She's lovely and amazing and I look forward to meeting him soon. It does work for some people, even if they're the statistical minority. I tend to think larger age gaps work best when the woman is not super young. She'll have learned a lot about herself and relationships by then, less likelihood of the controlling aspect, and the relationship is more likely to be healthy, in my opinion.
What's your preference?
Oh, I forgot a big one for me was
12. What happens in terms of age-related health conditions in our future. I spoke briefly to some guys who were 45, 50, and 55. While the desire to try the whole "older daddy" sexual experience while I'm still young was definitely there, for a serious relationship, I would have to think hard. A 50 year old man is 17 years older than I am. My parents are still attractive and still mostly healthy, mobile, active at 59. I'm imagining myself their age with a 76 year old partner, which is the age range when terminal health conditions have advanced and death is near for many. Life will throw things your way with a partner and your love will be tested, but you make choices on how you gamble with probability. I spoke with a woman my age who likes much older men and said she had been a caretaker for her disabled family member so she didn't mind being in that position sooner than many other people would be, if it meant she got to be with a much older man. I respect that choice but it most certainly is not for me. I like that both my parents are still active, healthy, look relatively young, and able. They're just stressed from life responsibilities, but neither has to add on caring for a much more elderly partner. I'd hope for the same and my best chance for that is definitely not with a man much older. That's actually a huge point, should be higher on the list!
Okay one last comment lolol
To counter my points, I was talking to two older women from work. One is in her mid-40s and the other is in her 50s. They are both into older men. The 50s chick has a 70 something partner I think. They viewed it as empowering, to an extent. The 40s coworker said that men often leave women for someone younger anyway, so we might as well date much older to start with and beat them at their game. The other one said she liked older men because she's still in her prime with career (she didn't want kids, so didn't have any and she's happy about it) and she wanted the spotlight to be on her, so she got with a much older guy who kind of took a back seat because he's no longer into all of that and just wants to support her. I thought their takes were interesting!
I should say that 40s chick lost her hubby because she had an affair, not because he wanted to leave her for a younger woman, from what I heard. But I digress lol
Thank you so much for your extremely thorough and concise input on this matter. It has taught me a few things, and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I will definitely re-read a few times to ensure your points are firmly engrained into my memory.
No problem! Being concise is not my forte, sadly lol Good luck on your romantic journey. Make the best of it and enjoy yourself!
Marry younger men so they don’t need Viagra.
Lol I have been thinking the same recently
Yup, and gentlemen: Marry younger women, so they don't hit the wall in the next year or two.
Hey I have resentment to that remark.
I never needed that drug and I also never been on any kind of meds longer then a week or two
My old ass pee pee just works just fine
@TruthBringer
I'm not attracted to guys over 40
@pupluv45 I'm not attracted to women over 40 either
Also, you can suck the resources and life force longer out of younger men.
Me and my wife are the same age.
She is only 10 days older then me
I never knew much different. Because when I was dating. I always seem to pick women near my age.
Everyone been within a year from my age.
It's never been more then a year apart in age
I don't know - surely if the age gap is too wide, there are the problems associated with that.
A couple years are no issues though. I married a woman four years older than me, things are fine.
Opinion
12Opinion
In my opinion, energy levels will be similar throughout your lives, as well as amount in life experience. But probably the biggest thing is that a woman who has a husband close to her age or younger than her will likely spend less years as a widow, since men tend to die sooner than women. My husband is 11 months younger than me, and pretty much at any given moment we both always feel like doing the same thing.
you are more likely to grow old gracefully when you marry someone closer to your own age. This means you both can grow old together and still be able to do things together. When you're married to a 60 yr old senior citizen by the time you hit the age of 45. There will be many things that you can no longer do together due to the age difference. There will be a lifestyle mismatch that you need to deal with.
You're also more likely to be able to grow old with someone around your age. If you marry too much older, your spouse will likely die way too early, leaving you all alone for the remaining 25 -30 years of your life.
More energy, more empathy, going through similar stage/phase of life, and younger men are also more open to educating themselves about sex. Better than dating someone much older who will constantly belittle you for doing things that are normal for people your age to be doing.
Either you're very immature for being 24 or you're a blue.
80+% of men have hair loss. So essentially any age man will experience hair loss if you're in a long term relationship. So why does that even matter? And tbh I've never even heard women complain about this IRL. Seems fake to me. I've heard women intimately discuss guys they've dated sex issues so obviously they wouldn't be too embarrassed to discuss hair but never heard this. And since most men have hair loss and most men have girlfriends and such, clearly most women don't care about it.
Either way I'm 16 years older than my girlfriend and we have been together 2 years. viagra is for men who are like 90, not 30 or 40 or even 50 unless they are fat maybe.
Not true. All the aunties I know who are in their forties and have husbands who are 50+ need viagra and their husbands are not fat.
So your aunties all get together and talk about viagra dosages? Just doesn't seem likely. Unless all those men are unhealthy. Personally I hang out with athletes so I mean nobody needs that shit. It's just for couch potato men.
My husband is a few months younger and it is much better that way since we are always at the same place in life and neither of us feel ahead or behind each other. Like when new challenges pop up it's the first time for both of us. It would probably feel really awkward having the older person constantly giving off those "know it all" type of vibes.
My wife is 10 months younger than I am. We have a lot of shared experiences and lived through the same times. I dated somebody who was 5 years younger and it was like we were from two different places.
My libido is still through the roof, and I don't look my age.
It's really more life experiences, like a year or even several years won't be any difference if both are say recent college graduate ages. Large gap where say one is still in college but the other has established career could have issues. If they aren't far from the next step, it's easier.
Even 30yo men can need viagra, current diets cause a lot of hormonal dysfunction. Benefits of someone your own age is mostly the cultural aspect, growing up the same time and experiencing very similar things or being in a similar spot. With my boyfriend he’s five years older, much more responsible and put together. But that’s not a given either as I’ve dated men 16years older who were further behind than me.
The concept of civilisation, of the 'Roman Empire' only exists because 17 year olds had to serve for 25 years before marring/fathering.
All else is chaos and a lie (and you kniw it)
You can be certain no man will protect another's life, marriage nor wife nor children unless married and a father already himself.
My parents are only 7 months apart, with my dad being older.
There's A LOT of advantages. You go through life at pretty much the same pace. You're in the SAME generation. You may even have went to school together. Things like that.
The likelihood of you two living the rest of your lives together is exponentially increased. However this cannot be the truth due to many reasons.
Accidents
Murder
Health problems within you and him respectfully
If you are single by 30 and already look like map wrinkly and all that get ready to be with a guy who’s 5+ older … lol
Unless you got good fevers or do Botox every 6 months your good 😇
More raw of a sensation, congrats. Hopefully it has an awesome story that knitted you together as well.
I am 22y male, would love to marry 40-50 years old lady 🙂
Interesting how į be looking at my 50s.
Older women is my fetish, and whats driving me crazy🥰
I know someone that married their babysitter when he was 18 they got married.
He was 18 and see was 64.
Couple years of being married he brings home a young 22 yr girl and tell his wife that this is his new girlfriend.
I there sitting at their kitchen table having coffee talking to his wife while I was there to pick him up to take him somewhere.
You could see her heart break that second he opened his mouth and said what he said.
He showed no signs of care, then he beseech to take this young thing to the other room.
That's was my clue to leave and not be caught in the fight that was about to happen
I never seen or heard from any of them again after that day.
It was like they all got taken by an Alien spacecraft
She looked closer to 74 real skinny. She looked really old
This lady was the babysitter for when he was a kid. It came out over the years of knowing them.
That she was having sex with him as a child. If I remember right it all started about the age of 8 or 10.
And here is another sick twisted news about them two.
Supposedly, The boys parents knew of what was going on, and their marriage was prearranged when he was born.
But in the USA they had to wait for him to be 18 to legally get married
I tell you, these people make Appalachian inbeeders look normal.
I think when the young man got away from the influence of his folks and got to see more of world. His eyes started to open up to what was going on.
And he used the young girl as a way out of a bad situation
But thats just my opinion on the that.
I really don't know what happened after I left. They just disappeared and the house went up for sale
There may be snow on the roof, but there's a fire down below. 😂
I guess you get to retire around the same time, and live the golden years of retirement together
You would need a hard pussy to handle iron.
It makes no difference in my opinion.
FUCK YOU
GO CATCH A COUPLE OF STD'S
Wow, dude. Calm down. Why are you so angry?
@Jamie05rhs
he's pissed cuz there are women out there who dont want old guys
@pupluv45 there are guys who don't want whores like you
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